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How did you manage the transition back to normal life

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EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
I’m to the point where my meds are stabilizing me. My focus isn’t on healing my ptsd exclusively (like it seems to have been for the last few years). I’m ready to do more “normal” type things like being social and maintaining relationships, getting involved in the community, volunteering, and eventually either going back to school and/or being employed by someone else.

Healing....I can do. Normal non-ptsd stuff simply terrifies me. I’m completely out of my element. know I shouldn’t compare, but I’m a decade+ behind in learning how to navigate the real world. Im probably selling myself short, as I know more than I realize...but the fact remains that I am behind others.

How do I manage this transition? How do I manage my fears? Baby steps? One day at a time?

Thanks!
 
Baby steps? One day at a time?

Basically. I mean, I'm not sure if it's fair to say I'm there as I need the help of a service dog..but, I am more stable, I haven't been working my trauma like I have for the last 8 yrs, and I am ready to start doing more normal life things. But the idea terrifies me. Soooo, I don't know. Can that be simular a bit?

I've been sort of dipping my toes in and going in SUPER slowly. It makes me destablized a bit, my therapist helps to restablize me and again, go a bit further. It destablizes me, my therapist helps to restablize me and I go a bit further...etc.

I also have been sort of watching others very closesly and have been sort of learning from them as to what to do and how to act and what not.

It's certianly a slow process. Don't expect too much too fast, ya know?
 
Not having one. Normal life, I mean.

But the bits that are normal, enjoying the everloving hell out of them. Focusing on them, whenever present. (Adore cooking books, currently. Adore gossipping non alcoholic drinks with a few restaurants owners and workers. Talking about pets, even the triggery as all hell pets. Ordering things as that means a lot of delivery folks interactions. Shopping even when not buying anything, as it is practicing choices and not melting down at choices. Etc etc. Turning trauma into fun. It is still going to be the elephant in the room, filling in the whole room, but it can be at least put on its ear.)

And finding and/or keeping people where the normal IS saying f*ck it, we live very different lives... who will be okay with that and fine not knowing, just knowing I am about alive and we will catch up in a few months.

Matching humor helps a dozen, too. If I cant talk about it, and still want to be with them, include them in my life, I will joke about it, and I am really happy with making people laugh.

But that is a How do I, not how do you. We quite different as people, I am not sure I would have anything as helpful tips.
 
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How to manage your fears of the transition. I am in transition. All transitions are scary, so I tell myself that. I raised children and children hate the "transition" from playing with friends to stopping to go to the next thing. Or whatever the "transition" is they resist it. Once they start moving and accept the transition it goes more smoothly and they begin to relax when they see the next environment is good too. It gets easier as they grow to navigate transitions, and now we are big and making "big" transitions. I don't know how to say I manage the fears but I have them. I just notice once I take the step out and "do" it gets easier the next time. I guess baby steps is it. But I think making the decision to do something helps, it's like I made that decision, I made that goal to do that job, or to go help someone, or go to that meeting, or that party, whatever. I decided to it. Then I spend all the time leading up to it fretting "why did I say I would go help those people!" "Why did I say I'd go that party" But when I get there it's actually easy.
 
I find that having a friend that “knows” really helps.

For example, my friend and I got our nails done awhile back, some lady started defending Weinstein. Immediate trigger. Looked at my friend and she said, “you okay?” With an empathetic nod. Continued with supportive conversation about how idiotic that lady was.

Another activity highly supported by my T... drove into town with a friend specifically to buy a fancy cupcake and watch her get a tattoo. Both low key, enjoyable, minimal people to navigate. Confidence building.

I never really stopped living more than three day clumps with my ptsd, but have had to work hard to relearn life with this brain and nervous system. I need to allow a three hour down time each day. I work park/ocean visits into my work day. Sometimes just taking some time to yourself is so important. Self care. I am also becoming very good at recognizing when I get triggered and how it is linked to trauma. This is a necessary skill for living. The don’t talk/text/type when something (triggers/upsets) happens (Brené) tip is also good for real life living. Finally, the less time I spend online, the better. Real living is best done without a screen and online world to hide in.
 
I’m terrified that I’m going to make major mistakes in significant areas of my life. I’m too old to be making big mistakes especially since I don’t have the financial resources to be able to bounce back so easily, plus the whole issue of this disorder sucking away so much of my energy.

I am so ashamed of myself and where I am in life. I don’t have anything to show for my years on this planet. I want to be able to accomplish something and not have just a bunch more failures to my name.
 
Hey Eve! I think the first step in recognizing the stepping out of the PTSD filled box is already a step out of the box. Not sure if this came across correctly..

What I mean is, I read your posts and get the idea you already have the right ideas, the tools come with the doing it right and even with the making mistakes. Nobody is free from making mistakes. I don't think you'll make major mistakes though, it's the stepping out of the box fear talking.

You'll be alright
 
am so ashamed of myself and where I am in life. I don’t have anything to show for my years on this planet. I want to be able to accomplish something and not have just a bunch more failures to my name.

I think this should be challenged. I'm there as well so I get it. But you (and I'm speaking to myself here as well) have a lot to show for your name. I think surviving trauma and healing said trauma is a huge set of accomplishments to your name. I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit or counting some major accomplishments you've had. They maybe small to some but I feel they are rather large and certianly should be counted. And your life isn't over. Unless you have a terminal illness I don't know about? But unless thats the case then you have a good amount of time to accomplish even more and bigger things. But they dont have to happen right now. The best accomplishments happen over a large amount of time. You have a lot of time to accomplish even more. But you've already accomplished a lot and you should be proud of yourself for that! Don't sell yourself short!
 
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I am transitioning right now. I have been for close to a year, but seriously trying to navigate within society again in the past 4 months. It is big. To me, it almost feels bigger than my deconstructing my life. Now I have all of these choices as to who the 'new me' is going to be. Nobody can go through serious trauma healing without real fundamental changes and that is a struggle when dealing with re-integration back into a community.

1, I chose to do volunteer work originally. I did that because it took the expectations (read - stress) off of me while I got used to interacting and being productive again.

2. My first transition back into a community again was to a community of my peers. People who were in varying stages of dealing with trauma and pulled themselves out. I have learned more from others going through the process than any doctor or therapist I know.

3. My therapist has gone through what I have. She has torn herself down and built herself back up. Unbelievable value in that.

4. I act as a peer supporter for others. Probably the most healing thing I have ever done. It gives me purpose, allows me to feel useful, and that this hasn't all been for nothing.

5. I have joined several mental health committees so that I can weigh in on decisions that may help others NOT have to experience what I went through. Hospital committees and mental health networks. I meet people there who I can relate to and who can relate to me as well. I have incorporated some of these people into my social life as well. Community is so important. I am not certain that one can be healthy without a sense of strong community.

6. I hang out with other peer supporters and we 'peer support' each other. So it is a bi-directional process. Again, for me this is super healthy and helpful.

7. I focus on learning something new that has nothing to do with trauma. I have focused WAY too much on trauma to be healthy. A big part of reintegration was having something else besides trauma to talk to others about. I have slowly started to take an interest in topics that relate to the world again. In order to relate to others, I need to have a fair repertoire of current events that I can speak to.

7. I take stress management very, very seriously. I plan decisions about my day around the idea that a successful day is my making decisions that have my stress tolerances in mind. I alone am responsible for my self regulation when it comes to stress. THAT is now my full time job. I have had to learn to say no, set boundries I never really worried about before. All sorts of things.

It is a monumental task this reintegration. Take it slow and easy and really pay attention to your reactions to these new situations. Best of luck to you Eve.
 
i think a good sense of humor helps
start each day with a good motivational quote in your mailbox
do one thing and do it well
give yourself permission to fail ocassionally
do the best you can ... no more no less
be kind to yourself
 
By realizing that everyone pretty much lives in a constant state of transitioning and each has their own definition of "normal", no matter what I think or have been taught it "should" be, and by realizing that most of us have been set up for failure from the get go based on some super shaky foundations of what is allowed to be called education, progress, and such. That took a whole lot of pressure off of my shoulders, but it didn't necessarily make the endless lessons any easier to grasp. I've learned I'll never be considered normal, and I'm more than okay with that.
 
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