How did you tell your therapist about your experiences?

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zombycat

Confident
@oakleaves I'm so proud of you! It was terrifying, but you pushed yourself enough to accomplish what you set out to do, and she was intuitive enough to meet you halfway. It sounds like it triggered a bit though, so don't forget to give yourself some extra tlc until you're back on steady feet. Good job!
 

Harmonics

Learning
I just wanted to come back to this to say thank you for all the responses and to say that I took all this on board and when I saw her this week I told her that I needed to tell her something specific and that I needed to tell her because she is being kind and I need to know whether she would still be kind if she knew. She helped me a bit, asked me a question in the end, and I STILL couldn't say yes it was that but I know she knew and I was able to confirm it by saying something else. I feel like the words themselves are dangerous or something. I feel really fragmented now as though I am not able to hold myself together or make sense of anything and it is horrible. But I also feel relieved. Like a really strange mix of terror (and I am terrified) but also a really odd relief. I am going to try to write some things down for next time. She was so nice and now I am terrified that she isn't genuine and I have trusted this person with this SHIT and now what. Anyway thank you for the responses and the advice. Thank you.

It sounds like you are having a very normal reaction after disclosing something to your therapist. It also sounds like you have a good one. If they push you for details or words beyond what you are ready to share, I would say get out. You don't want to be retraumatized. (Been there, done that, learned the hard way.) If they let you go at your own pace, other than slowing you down if you start taking on too much trauma at one time, that is good. After what you have been through, it makes sense that you should be given some control over what was a very out of control part of your life.

I have been with my current therapist about 18 months now. While I sort of hinted at what happened during the intake interview with him, I also shut the door on the subject at that time due to how much change was going on in my life. About six months later, we started working on it. It just kind of happened. I was triggered by a visit with my family, and a little bit of my story came out. Little by little over the last year, more pieces of my story keep coming out. My therapist does not push for info ever. But he will listen and sit with me in that space when parts of the story demand to be heard. It feels very frightening because no other human being knows this much about me.

You can talk with your therapist about how this disclosure makes you feel. Hopefully over time you will come to see that your therapist won't change their opinion about you based on your history. It takes time. That part of the therapeutic relationship doesn't form overnight. Trust has to be earned.
 
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