No real advice on the new feeling, but I know exactly how you feel right now. Scared shitless but with this extra level of newfound intimacy that is terrifying but also feels good.
I just wanted to come back to this to say thank you for all the responses and to say that I took all this on board and when I saw her this week I told her that I needed to tell her something specific and that I needed to tell her because she is being kind and I need to know whether she would still be kind if she knew. She helped me a bit, asked me a question in the end, and I STILL couldn't say yes it was that but I know she knew and I was able to confirm it by saying something else. I feel like the words themselves are dangerous or something. I feel really fragmented now as though I am not able to hold myself together or make sense of anything and it is horrible. But I also feel relieved. Like a really strange mix of terror (and I am terrified) but also a really odd relief. I am going to try to write some things down for next time. She was so nice and now I am terrified that she isn't genuine and I have trusted this person with this SHIT and now what. Anyway thank you for the responses and the advice. Thank you.