How do/did you understand what you’re avoiding and why?

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
I’m having a problem here. I know I do have avoidance. There is a lot of it I can see and understand why. Certain locations, smells, configurations that remind me X or Y. And so and on. But some types of avoidance I don’t really understand why it occurs (that still can be worked out) and even if it’s occurring. I’m a queen to simply forget it. Like, forever. Or sufficiently long time.

There are quite a lot of things I simply get stuck not doing. Typically papers and anything that is susceptible to change something in the way I am, except for very big changes. This I still can grasp why. But now I’m wondering if I have weirder or subtler types of avoidance that I’m not even identifying because I’m avoiding it successfully.

Did anyone already have this impression or found out something they avoided for long without even thinking of it?
 
K

Kylie

I avoided for a very long time seeing through some pretty painful things in my life and it ended in a disaster. For me it was to painful to realize the reality, so I tried to avoid seeing through it. But the problem just build up and made me incapable of action.
After meditating for a while, I realized what I was avoiding and how much this damaged me. This was a great relief. It turned out for me, that even though it is very hard to see through reality, it enabled me to making some long needed change.
 

grief

Sponsor
I don’t really understand why it occurs (that still can be worked out) and even if it’s occurring. I’m a queen to simply forget it. Like, forever. Or sufficiently long time.
i would think this does go under dissoceation it is just a more integrated version of that you simply do not notice it is happening. i know because i do this too. i will legitamitely forget about things and just forget i forgot. i know they are there but i forgot to remember them. things like that.

it happens all the time. oh yes. oh i forgot about xyz, huh. unfortunetely that i do not know a way of combating this type of thing because it happens beyond conscieousness. but my instinct of it is that when we work on the dissoceative aspect of ptsd, this aspect will improve as well.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I am fully aware of when I avoid doctor check-ups, it takes me a lot of courage to follow through on them. I avoid leaving the house quite a bit and not realize that it’s fear based—I’ll think I’m just being lazy. I’ll convince myself that we can go another day without milk. This can continue for a week sometimes. My therapist once referred to my avoidance in therapy sessions and I had no idea what she was talking about. I would say I have both planned and unplanned avoidance.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
i will legitamitely forget about things and just forget i forgot. i know they are there but i forgot to remember them.
It’s exactly the type of sensation. Now that I don’t have lots of things to do or someone close to me who checks in, forgetting to remember just goes to forgetting it completely. I guess. I thought of this because when I lived with TR he told me all the time that I promised something or made up an excuse and I really wouldn’t have any idea I did it. Or sometimes yes but quite distantly. So I assume this still is happening but just I don’t many ways to test it. And my guess is that I might have some stuff I do avoid and as it’s not something I’m exposed with frequently or requires anyone to check in, then it just gets lost in oblivion.

I’ll think I’m just being lazy. I’ll convince myself that we can go another day without milk.

Yes I also have the procrastination thing or the hesitancy until the very last moment. I have "windows" where I can do everything at once and it goes fast. Then stuck I get again. Thursday I didn’t go to an appointment because it was raining.

my instinct of it is that when we work on the dissoceative aspect of ptsd, this aspect will improve as well.
This makes sense.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
After meditating for a while, I realized what I was avoiding and how much this damaged me. This was a great relief. It turned out for me, that even though it is very hard to see through reality, it enabled me to making some long needed change.
Thank you for your suggestion. I really struggle to meditate because I will automatically start either to worry either to blank out. I find it difficult. But I think it might help.
 

Freddyt

Confident
Dentist. I have avoided dentists like crazy. Even right now, I should have gone 7 months ago but no. I know why. It was something that happened with trauma. I can't handle people leaning over me from the right side. There's a trigger there and due to the circumstances of my trauma nothing to mitigate it. Eyes closed? worse - way way worse, back to being essentially blindfolded during trauma. I'm blind on that side as well so my peripheral vision is zero on that side as well so people and things moving over there is not good for my startle response.

If it seems to have no direct ties to trauma then I ask myself. How do I feel about X? Why do I feel that way about X? Really truly, stopping and assessing how I feel is a huge piece. Where that feeling is coming from doesn't matter - add it to the list for my T, and listen to it. Usually if I can answer How then Why has an answer. If I can't answer why - then grab a mental image of where I am, sights, smells, specifics of what I was doing and what was going on around me. Sooner or later it will shake out in therapy but until then, listen to myself and keep the stress cup from overflowing.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
i would think this does go under dissoceation it is just a more integrated version of that you simply do not notice it is happening. i know because i do this too. i will legitamitely forget about things and just forget i forgot. i know they are there but i forgot to remember them. things like that.

it happens all the time. oh yes. oh i forgot about xyz, huh. unfortunetely that i do not know a way of combating this type of thing because it happens beyond conscieousness. but my instinct of it is that when we work on the dissoceative aspect of ptsd, this aspect will improve as well.
Yes- this. This is the tougher sort of avoidance.

conscious avoidance we can make a plan with and tackle alone or with a T . Eg I added to my list of T subjects that I have noticed I dislike finishing anything - chores, books, drinks … these days , and I imagine I’ll consciously avoid raising it for a while because I don’t know why ( though I have a suspicion it’s a logical processing not and emotional one at all) .
Other conscious avoidance might be because it involves making changes that don’t just impact me but DH or even wider ripples. I don’t always have the ‘capacity in my stress cup’ to open those boxes or to make the changes I think are necessary to resolve the causes of the avoidance.


I think another issue is -depending on the nature of trauma- some of us become expert in living with and dismissing our unease - so just a bit of avoidance? It’s what we have absolutely honed our skill in. It’s avoid or constantly questioning for me- and that stuff is exhausting- Sometimes avoiding remains a sensible option for some functionality for me right now. Too much to the surface and I cease to function and scare myself
 
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