How do I cope with trigger noises from neighbors?

Mullimouse

New Here
It's my first post here, hello everyone! :)

(I hope the thread is fine, I don't really knew where to post it elsewhere.)

so my boyfriend, my cat and myself moved into a new apartment. Luckily, we found a beautiful one in a mostly quiet area. It's top floor and we have no neighbors beside us, which we were really happy about, since we also moved because we lived in a really noisy apartment (both our neighbors used drugs).

After the extreme stress of moving in, we were really happy for a day. Until our neighbors downstairs came back saturday night. The whole sunday we could hear them stomping through their apartment, screaming instead of talking and every stomp they made and every door they slammed shook our whole apartment.

I was devastated to say the least, since I thought being on the top floor without any neighbors beside us will stop the constant triggering noise. But no, of course not.

The constant screaming and banging and stomping triggers me so badly, that I have panic attacks and breakdowns every day. I had nightmares and sleep-paralysis about my childhood trauma and people breaking into my apartment again and I can't handle it.

My heart is racing constantly and I am so exhausted again, that I can do nearly nothing than feeding and playing with my cat until I fall into my bed again.

I went to stationary trauma-therapy for six weeks a month ago and it didn't help me at all.

The only thing I can do is wearing earplugs for hours until the neighbors are gone in the morning, just to wake me with their stomping, since I can hear that even wearing the earplugs through my pillow.

I don't want to wear earplugs all the time, I want to hear my cat and my boyfriend, my anxiety always tells me, that if they choke or call for help I wouldn't hear them.

Does anyone have any helpful idea or can tell about similar experiences?

Moving isn't an option, we just moved in and we have no money left. Even if we could move, we still don't have any money to move into a house or something like that. We already live on the top floor, I lived on top floor before and that obviously doesn't always help.

I really need help, since I feel like I could go into a clinic again. I would be really happy if someone would answer, I have no one else to talk about that. My boyfriend isn't triggered by something like that and doesn't really notice the sound. And my therapist only tells me to wear earplugs for now and buy some rugs with underlay (which are extremely expensive and I really don't have money for that).

I'm sorry for the bad english, I'm not a native speaker and I'm really exhausted since we moved here.
 
Solution
I lay this stuff >>> DURACOUSTIC | Dura <<< down in nearly every apartment I’ve ever leased.

Similarly? Drummers ear plugs / gun range ear plugs still let you hear everything crystal clear (every word, every musical note, every whisper; nothing muffled or garbled), as what they do is to eliminate the BANG and SCREECH of the upper register, and the BOOM and ROAR of the lower register. It’s like having a volume button for the world. EP4 Sonic Defenders Plus | Filtered Flanged Earplugs | SureFire

screaming instead of talking and every stomp they made and every door they slammed shook our whole apartment.
As It sounds as if they’re “just” noisy people, you might have a word with management about switching units…...

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome!

Sounds really stressful.


Do you, or your bf, feel able to tell your neighbours that you can hear them and if they can be mindful about the noise? It might be that they don't know and will be mindful in the future.

Otherwise, it might be trying to ground yourself and work through the trigger, which is hard. I.e trying to train yourself not to be on high alert for the noise and to remind yourself that you are safe.
 

Friday

Moderator
I lay this stuff >>> DURACOUSTIC | Dura <<< down in nearly every apartment I’ve ever leased.

Similarly? Drummers ear plugs / gun range ear plugs still let you hear everything crystal clear (every word, every musical note, every whisper; nothing muffled or garbled), as what they do is to eliminate the BANG and SCREECH of the upper register, and the BOOM and ROAR of the lower register. It’s like having a volume button for the world. EP4 Sonic Defenders Plus | Filtered Flanged Earplugs | SureFire

screaming instead of talking and every stomp they made and every door they slammed shook our whole apartment.
As It sounds as if they’re “just” noisy people, you might have a word with management about switching units… because people who are “just” noisy? Will alwaaaaaays be noisy, day in day out, no matter how many times other people talk to them; and since it’s not domestic violence but how they ask for toast and jam, it’s not a job for the police Switching units IS still moving, but in most of the places I’ve lived it’s also free… as first/last/deposits have already been paid for the unit I’m already in, it’s simply a way to deal with problem neighbors/tenants.
 
Solution

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
I’m really sound sensitive too- monophonic as well as startle reflex. I think - inside normal hours - it’s unfortunately our job to insulate ourselves. I like headphones rather than ear plugs , And investing in things like good quality interlined curtains , It might be worth having some wall hanging that you back in sound insulation and yes - floor rugs help a lot too.

It’s really tough and you have my sympathy .
 
Sorry for your present circumstance. For searching out material in relation to problems encountered locally, after a time I did stumble across the following website to which I've provided a link. More thoroughgoing if not harder edged for reflecting the complexities of the New York real estate market and all the issues residents of that scene would encounter, certainly the website and articles saved there are worth reviewing in detail. I hope this helps - if only to frame options.


R
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello mulli. welcome aboard. for what it's worth, your written english is better than allot of native speakers i know. it is amazing how often it shows that second language speakers actually STUDY the language instead of assuming good grammar is a birthright.

i have two main tools i use for triggery noises. one is to hum or sing over them my voice is much closer to my ears than any outside noise. so it doesn't take much volume on my part to drown out a domestic spat downstairs. my second most used tool is to find someplace else to be for as long as it takes to settle my nerves. in the case of neighbors, the high noise periods often have a predictable time pattern to them. breakfast out is far more calming than listening to dysfunctional parents trying to get rebellious adolescents off to school.
 

Sues

MyPTSD Pro
Hi and welcome. I can relate to what you are feeling. When I saw your post I thought, "Yes. Finally someone else that knows what I'm struggling with."

I have neighbors next door that often slam their front door so hard that the wall shakes. They also bang around quite a bit into our shared wall. (We live in a condo) It's so bad that when their housekeepers come (and are loud too), my son will text me to let me know they are there in case I want to delay coming home.

My therapist tells me to work on "I am safe" vs I don't feel safe. Telling myself I am safe doesn't work yet because the noise too triggering to me. The only things I've used that help are listening to music with ear buds in and leaving to go somewhere else. I'm sorry that's not very helpful.
 

Friday

Moderator
I have neighbors next door that often slam their front door so hard that the wall shakes. They also bang around quite a bit into our shared wall. (We live in a condo)
Drywall is SUPER easy to remove & reinstall. I do it myself, but a team doesn’t cost much (a few hundred on average, so about the same as the first outlay in tools & materials, zero sum if you’re only doing it once) & will be done in a few hours (if they’re not painting but just knocking down, laying a layer of soundproofing, and screwing in -and taping/mudding/sanding- new drywall) and then you paint or paper at your leisure.

It’s one of those… you aren’t doing anything structural by removing/replacing drywall, so you just take everything off the wall, then run a drywall knife (razor blade type, not saw type) along the seams. Break off a few big chunks so you know where the studs are… and go to town with demo! 😁 Super fun whacking shit with hammers. Dust. Gets. Everywhere. (IE Mask on, & furniture/doorways plastic’d up.). Voila! Room is down to the studs in less than 20 minutes. Takes more time to seal it with plastic than to rip out the wall. Unroll & staple the sound barrier. Screw in new drywall panels. Tape seams. Mud seams. Sand. Paint. This is the sooooooound… of silence. <cough> Okay. Not quite. You’ll still hear through the floor & ceiling. But it’s a MASSIVE reduction. Doing carpeted floors is wicked easy (just lift the carpet and unroll and put the carpet back. But ceilings are obnoxious and require a 3 man team. 2 to hold the panel up, the 3rd to screw it in. And hardwood floors are both difficult and expensive. It usually makes more sense to come in through the ceiling of the room below, than to try and get under a hardwood floor. Not always. But usually.

If I’m hiring it done? I usually walk down to my local Firehouse, and ask if they’ve got a crew who does construction / I need to rip out & replace some drywall. They nearly always do, and a benefit of firefighters doing your walls is that f*cked up wiring IN those walls? Badly wired, chewed on by varmints, water damage, whatever) Pisses them off as it’s a major fire hazard. So they’ll stop construction & get you a GOOD electricians number, rather than just blithely walling you into a fire trap.
 

Mullimouse

New Here
Welcome!

Sounds really stressful.


Do you, or your bf, feel able to tell your neighbours that you can hear them and if they can be mindful about the noise? It might be that they don't know and will be mindful in the future.

Otherwise, it might be trying to ground yourself and work through the trigger, which is hard. I.e trying to train yourself not to be on high alert for the noise and to remind yourself that you are safe.
Hey, thank you for your response. I haven't got the strenght to reply until now. I'm sorry for that and I appreciate your comment.
My boyfriend would talk to them, I myself am too scared of a negative response. Had so many mean neighbors before.
I'm still thinking about it, since I would feel even worse, if they didn't care or try or only try for just a few days. They maybe only need to lay down some carpets and not throw their closets shut and I just would hear them talking. But you can't expect people who don't have money (I'm living in a apartment for people with little money) to buy some expensive carpets.


For working through the triggers, I don't know how. Everytime I try, it just gets worse. I do exactly what the therapist from the trauma-clinic told me to do. I can't control the noises and can't get away to come down for a moment. Earplugs etc won't work, since it's the vibration that triggers me the most. My current therapist told me, I shouldn't do exposures right now, since I'm to unstable.

The sounds are exactly what I heard my whole childhood when my "parents" fought and screamed and ran up to my room to do the bad things they tended to.

I'm trying to medidate, which also triggers me, but what can I do.

I lay this stuff >>> DURACOUSTIC | Dura <<< down in nearly every apartment I’ve ever leased.

Similarly? Drummers ear plugs / gun range ear plugs still let you hear everything crystal clear (every word, every musical note, every whisper; nothing muffled or garbled), as what they do is to eliminate the BANG and SCREECH of the upper register, and the BOOM and ROAR of the lower register. It’s like having a volume button for the world. EP4 Sonic Defenders Plus | Filtered Flanged Earplugs | SureFire


As It sounds as if they’re “just” noisy people, you might have a word with management about switching units… because people who are “just” noisy? Will alwaaaaaays be noisy, day in day out, no matter how many times other people talk to them; and since it’s not domestic violence but how they ask for toast and jam, it’s not a job for the police Switching units IS still moving, but in most of the places I’ve lived it’s also free… as first/last/deposits have already been paid for the unit I’m already in, it’s simply a way to deal with problem neighbors/tenants.
Thank you very much for your reply.

I felt too exhausted and down to reply to anything, I'm sorry I'm late.

I guess I made a mistake by calling it an apartment. Maybe flat is more accurate. I'm not living in the USA and where I live, moving between units is not possible.

We pay a monthly rent and you have little rights about your place in my country.

Before you ask why I write here, there are not a lot of forums where I live and they are mostly not really nice. Can't explain why, but in my country it's really normal to be really rude online.

For the earplugs, I may try them. I don't really have a lot of money, but for my health it's worth trying if I have a little more money again.
 

Mullimouse

New Here
I’m really sound sensitive too- monophonic as well as startle reflex. I think - inside normal hours - it’s unfortunately our job to insulate ourselves. I like headphones rather than ear plugs , And investing in things like good quality interlined curtains , It might be worth having some wall hanging that you back in sound insulation and yes - floor rugs help a lot too.

It’s really tough and you have my sympathy .
Thank you for your reply.

As I said in the other comments, I haven't had the strenght to write sooner, I'm sorry for that.

It's mostly the type of sound that triggers me. The vibration. Rugs don't help, we bought a few and some heavy wardrobes and it's still the same. The earplugs don't help against the vibration, since the vibrations goes through the bones etc of the body.

It feels like being constantly in danger. It sounds like it's in the same room sometimes.

I can't calm down for a second. Even if it's silent, I'm so scared to hear the next noise. I just can't control it. And the earplugs make me listen to my tinnitus all day long, that got louder since I moved here.

Sorry for your present circumstance. For searching out material in relation to problems encountered locally, after a time I did stumble across the following website to which I've provided a link. More thoroughgoing if not harder edged for reflecting the complexities of the New York real estate market and all the issues residents of that scene would encounter, certainly the website and articles saved there are worth reviewing in detail. I hope this helps - if only to frame options.


R
Thank you really much for your reply. I'm sorry for replying so late.

I read the article and if I have enough strenght, I might talk to neighbors first. But right now, I'm too scared.
 
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