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How do I even say this

Thread starter #1
I am on another forum called Narcissistic Abuse Recovery or NARP. It is a program by someone in Australia. It works for helping with trauma. I know they are going to find out about me. There going to see my trauma is over the top severe. I let it slip about how my brother died when I was 13. I couldn't sleep, all I wanted to do was go back in and delete all my posts. I tried to hint at it before but they didn't get it. People don't want to believe it. Their trauma is still horrific. What happened to them should not happen to anyone. But, when they were 17, did people eyes mirror death? Did they have a cloud that followed them around? Did they run 4 miles a day because if they fell into despair the cloud with catch them and kill them? (I was able to get rid of the cloud in my 26yr of sobriety). They are catching on. I got reply that had pity in it. It is an outlier though.
 
#2
Welcome @foggy, I'm sorry for what you have been through.
You only need to share what you feel content to do so and when you feel content. Whilst people here may or may not have similar experiences or may or may not be able to relate to what you have even through: this site is good to let things out and to get support.
 
#3
I know they are going to find out about me. There going to see my trauma is over the top severe.
Can you say why you are worried about people on the other forum finding out about your trauma?

On this forum, there is a wide range of people. Some just read, some disclose deep trauma. You are welcome to be here as you choose.

Congratulations on your sobriety, and welcome!
 
#4
Something we say around here a lot is "take what is useful, and disregard the rest." This principle applies well for all kinds of websites and services online.

I'd also caution against assuming, or attempting to mind read, what others think - online or offline. Frankly, people usually spend most of their time thinking about their own stuff and worries.

I strongly caution putting too much into what others think online.
 
Thread starter #5
My fear is NARP is like Al-Anon is in my home town. Upbeat, positive, hopeful and anyone can recover. Except what about me? Just a tiny bit worse and I would be a locked facility for life. My therapist used to tell me that when I complained. He deals with kids who were locked in closets for days, he says he works to alleviates their symptoms, but there is no recovery. So the question is, there room for me in their worldview?

When I was in the mental health system, I was the stereotypical guy in the corner of the diner sitting there all day smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. Only it was burger king and free refills on diet coke. There were people who looked at me a certain way. It was contempt and disgust. They wanted me to go away. Now that I have a job and am mainstream, some people comment. Half of society is socially Darwin. The weak are a drag on the strong, and should be discarded. I have to sit next to them in business meetings. They are in AA. A friend (who was really a friend, the world is weird like that) asked me to read Atlas Shrugged. I told him the people you say are Henry Rearden are clearly not, and neither are you. (I'd say Elon Musk comes close, but still not). The people in NARP are not like this, but seeing these people everyday makes it difficult to trust. My whole extended family has this worldview.
 
Thread starter #6
I posted this in NARP. The Title is: "I'm afraid there is no room for me in your worldview".

If this works out. It could mean a lot for people in this forum who feel misunderstood. There is even some humor. Asking for help in a forum so you can get help in another forum. Keep in mind I am reaching out for help. If they continue to misunderstand me, I can't connect and get the help. If they don't, it will hurt more as a promising avenue for recovery that failed.

My fear is NARP is like Al-Anon is in my home town. Upbeat, positive, hopeful and anyone can recover. Except when I say my trauma is severe, it may be seen as overly self focused, or my pain is worse because it is mine. (tell me about it, this is AA in a nutshell). I know your going to figure it out. I posted one my traumas yesterday. I couldn't sleep all night. All I wanted to do was go back and delete all my posts. All my therapists say my NARC Dad was also mentally ill. I didn't want to let him off the hook, but it can't be explained otherwise. So what happens when I mess up and mention the cloud that used to follow me around? That when I was in my 20s, I ran 4 miles a day to keep out of depression, because I knew if I fell in despair the cloud would get me and I would be dead. The cloud was sometimes close, sometimes far, but it was always there. At 26yrs sobriety I got rid of it. The other girl in my group didn't make it. I don't even want to say this. The cloud is an annihilation death wish caused by a parent telling a child he should die. (My Dad over and over). So what happens now? Last night for module 1, I sat there and screamed until I couldn't anymore. It is different trauma, but it is the same recovery. I do everything you do, all your replies help, I am making fantastic progress. I see your trauma as abhorrent, it never should have happened to you. What happened to me is my cross. It is unusual. But even making this post is a miracle. Based on my peers in the mental hospital, the work my therapists do in locked facilities, it is something that never happens.
 
#7
You can find relief and healing without strangers on a forum validating you. You don’t ***need*** them. (You don’t need us either.)

We are peers. Fellow mentally ill travelers with our own crap and f*cked up head stuff. Placing all your hope for healing on mentally ill peers on a forum validating your pain is a really risky move.

There is a better way.

Plus, severity of trauma does not always lead to severity of suffering. I strongly suggest taking a step back from the comparison game that this or that trauma is worse than other trauma. In the end, pain is pain. Most people who go through trauma don’t even up with lasting symptoms. A subset do and this forum is a community of people working on their stuff to get through.

No forum or treatment or specific person or persons will ever be the end all be all. The biggest factor in if you or I will heal: ourselves.

Yep.

Others on forums can be good sounding boards or sources of suggestions or resources. But they will never ever be in charge of or responsible for your healing. Or mine. Can’t even trust people are who they say they are - which is why opinions online should be taken with a lot of salt and caution.

You are clearly in pain and have clearly been through some very disturbing and traumatic events. I hear that you feel very alone in your experience. Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Do you have a good therapist or doctor you are working with now?

What kind of support or feedback are you hoping to gain here on this forum?

Do you have a plan for next steps in your own recovery that you can take to find some relief from the spike in symptoms from posting?
 
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Thread starter #8
Ok, it worked out. Really positive responses. I didn't think I could connect unless they knew and understood me. This couldn't be more awesome. For me, NARP is most effective, condensed program for my recovery. I have to take risks and trust for recovery. Often I need help from people I call normies, who think of people outside their group as normies (sigh, AA). Have I been hurt? yeah big time. Trusting others is necessary. I am way better at it than before. I am only concerned that they accept me, my post is the test they have to pass. If they don't pass my test, then I have to look elsewhere. So what happens when I find out later they care what I think of them? You would be surprised when this happens. If I didn't care what people think, then I could do anything. I can eat a ton of sushi and barf it into a bucket in front of everyone. I don't think it is possible and trying to not care causes pain. The old me would hate me for saying this. So, gradually, slowly, learn who is trustworthy, and how to spot them. Fear does not keep you safe, wise knowing keeps you safe. I am moving out of the pain of separation into the world of connected. Will I get hurt? It is inevitable. I will ask her out and she will say no. She will like me but I won't like her. She gets hurt. How do you avoid it? Cats only live 14yrs. I have a cat. I love her dearly. My last cat's death caused incredible grieving. I can't fix or change this.
 
#9
My fear is NARP is like Al-Anon is in my home town. Upbeat, positive, hopeful and anyone can recover. Except what about me? Just a tiny bit worse and I would be a locked facility for life. My therapist used to tell me that when I complained. He deals with kids who were locked in closets for days, he says he works to alleviates their symptoms, but there is no recovery. So the question is, there room for me in their worldview?

When I was in the mental health system, I was the stereotypical guy in the corner of the diner sitting there all day smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. Only it was burger king and free refills on diet coke. There were people who looked at me a certain way. It was contempt and disgust. They wanted me to go away. Now that I have a job and am mainstream, some people comment. Half of society is socially Darwin. The weak are a drag on the strong, and should be discarded. I have to sit next to them in business meetings. They are in AA. A friend (who was really a friend, the world is weird like that) asked me to read Atlas Shrugged. I told him the people you say are Henry Rearden are clearly not, and neither are you. (I'd say Elon Musk comes close, but still not). The people in NARP are not like this, but seeing these people everyday makes it difficult to trust. My whole extended family has this worldview.
Normies....I don't know who is a normie.....normal is on a spectrum.....where is the median? Who knows. I'd can that question....and way of thinking. Maybe normal isn't being kind, having integrity, and a value system which respects others and appreciates their talents, abilities, and accomplishments. Maybe that's abnormal in today's society. Maybe normal isn't being supportive......Normal is how you define it. What boundaries with others make normal? How do you ideally want to be described by your friends and loved ones....I think that's how I define normal....all based on values and integrity. There is truth in the concept that the weak drag down the strong....but to the extent of being discarded...no. I don't trust people I know to be dysfunctional (drug addicts, alcoholics, and dysfunctional folks who don't walk their talk nor have a strong sense of values)-that's a reasonable boundary that keeps you safe. Back away from your dysfunctional extended family. Consider sitting down with a pen, and journal how you would like your family and children to describe you as a parent and a human being. What would you like to hear if you were sitting at your own funeral? What qualities of a "normal" or good person do you want to become and exemplify and then go work on that definition of normal.
 
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