Sexual Assault How do I explain a trigger to my autism worker and deal with it triggering me?

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I have to write what I'm specifically upset about with the bad day that happened with my autism worker. The main thing is that she triggered me by reminding me of person in my nightmare but really so she actually understands what I'm talking about I need to explain it all fully. I started writing it but I'm struggling to do it cause though I thought it wasn't bothering me so much it's triggering me a lot and I don't know what to do and I need to write it down. I'm struggling to have any words in my head even though it's never normally a problem for me to write things and think about them it's like my brain can't hold the words in my head long enough for me to put them on paper.
 

caroline_13

Confident
Hi Lilac98,

Thanks for sharing with us. Are you saying there is a requirement for you to give an update to your autism worker? What's the deadline?

Can you keep it general: say it's a complicated, scary one and you're working through it. But you can tell her for now it reminded you of a nightmare you have?
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Hi Lilac98,

Thanks for sharing with us. Are you saying there is a requirement for you to give an update to your autism worker? What's the deadline?

Can you keep it general: say it's a complicated, scary one and you're working through it. But you can tell her for now it reminded you of a nightmare you have?
I have to tell her when she comes on Monday. There was a really bad day which she is now on report for and I currently don't trust her I don't know if I'll be able to continue working with her. She wants to know of a specific thing she did that upset me so much or made me angry on that day, and one main thing was triggering for me when she kind of came up behind me on the floor and got near me and was pointing and shouting at me, which she doesn't even remember shouting at me she said she walked away from me before it got out of hand but in my mind it already had just got out of hand, cause of a nightmare but I don't really want to explain anymore to her and I'm not sure that will be enough but also I'm not supposed to be talking to her about sexual abuse so it's making things difficult to explain.
 

caroline_13

Confident
I read an older post of yours from a couple weeks ago... that you are scared of having your social anxiety get any worse but also not getting along with this autism worker.

It sounds like you may be in Crisis mode now.

Perhaps, if it's an option, you can flout the rules and choose not to go see her. Is that something you could do and still get another worker later? You may need a mental health break from her. You can explain this without making it sound personal: just that you are not the right fit at this time.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Since you realize now that it was your own trigger based on your own nightmare, and therefore had nothing to do with your autism worker, can you rescind the complaint?
Can you just get a new one based on the fact that she triggers you so badly?
@caroline_13 There is no one else to replace her cause they've had so many referrals since covid. If I can't work with her then they will close my file and I will receive no more support but even she said she doesn't know I can trust her again and said she hadn't realised how much that day had emotionally damaged me. She did apologise and say she shouldn't have come into work that day and she only came in cause I emailed and said I wanted her to take me to the mental health charity that day. But she snapped at me once in the car after taking me to map and still carried on working only to snap at me way worse later that day and end up triggering me cause she lost her temper.
 

caroline_13

Confident
There is no one else to replace her cause they've had so many referrals since covid. If I can't work with her then they will close my file and I will receive no more support but even she said she doesn't know I can trust her again and said she hadn't realised how much that day had emotionally damaged me. She did apologise and say she shouldn't have come into work that day and she only came in cause I emailed and said I wanted her to take me to the mental health charity that day. But she snapped at me once in the car after taking me to map and still carried on working only to snap at me way worse later that day and end up triggering me cause she lost her temper.
It sounds like she is overloaded herself.

Could you take a break from that center for a period of time (a week, a few months...) and still be able to go back later and get services? Perhaps a break from the situation will help and you won't have to burn a bridge.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
It sounds like she is overloaded herself.

Could you take a break from that center for a period of time (a week, a few months...) and still be able to go back later and get services? Perhaps a break from the situation will help and you won't have to burn a bridge.
I've already had a week break cause of the queen's jubilee and then I was at my sisters with parents babysitting and dog sitting so I missed Monday. The autism charity is busy they already expected me to have made a decision I can't have a break and I don't think that will make any difference anyway. The bridge is already half burnt since I don't trust her now.
 

barefoot

Sponsor
It’s good that you can recognise that you were triggered in this situation.

Can you keep it quite brief and just say that, when she came up behind you, it triggered feelings/a reaction that’s linked to a nightmare you’ve had?

Sorry if I’ve missed this somewhere in this thread or in another thread, but why is she on report? Did you report her and, if so, what was the nature of your complaint? (No problem if you’d rather not say!)

Will the meeting just be the two of you?
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
It’s good that you can recognise that you were triggered in this situation.

Can you keep it quite brief and just say that, when she came up behind you, it triggered feelings/a reaction that’s linked to a nightmare you’ve had?

Sorry if I’ve missed this somewhere in this thread or in another thread, but why is she on report? Did you report her and, if so, what was the nature of your complaint? (No problem if you’d rather not say!)

Will the meeting just be the two of you?
I guess but I think she'll be confused why that bothered me so much. Yes I complained about her after the bad day and she now has to write a report to her boss every support session and if I continue seeing her I have to see her boss every 3 months to make sure it doesn't happen again and to make sure we're getting the right support and if it's still suitable and what I and mum and dad want. I just explained everything that had gone badly like a diary but she was also already reporting herself at the time though she apparently didn't raise her voice when she actually shouted at me but she apparently didn't realise.
 

barefoot

Sponsor
I think she'll be confused why that bothered me so much.
I guess that’s the thing about being triggered…Our reaction/behaviour doesn’t always make sense to others as they try to make sense of it in the context of the hear and now - they don’t know/understand the other context(s) in play.

Perhaps you don’t need to worry too much about trying to make her understand? Even if you go into lots of detail (which it doesn’t sound like you want to do) she still may not get it anyway, and that may just cause you more stress and frustration?

I suppose that’s partly why I was asking about the reason for your reporting her. Because, you’re acknowledging that something she did triggered you (ie caused feelings/a reaction in you that is related to something else) and it also sounds like that was accidental/unintentional on her part. So, I’m wondering what led to this:
I complained about her after the bad day and she now has to write a report to her boss every support session
aside from you being triggered?
But no worries if you’d rather not get into that here.

I feel for you having to continue to meet with her and try to explain to her why you reacted as you did and why you reported her. I can imagine that might feel really awkward! I’m sorry you haven’t got another option of someone else to work with at the moment.
 
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