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How do I express myself to my T?

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ButterflyBean

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Hello there!

I hope everyone is doing as well as humanly possible! Some of you may know that I have been in therapy for several years, since I was a teenager. I’ve only seen two primary therapists, not including the two EMDR practitioners. Most of my present therapeutic issues and concerns involve the relationship with my EMDR T, and its effect on the process, but I’ve decided to save that for another post. I’m having trouble gathering and writing out my thoughts for that one.

Anyway, my primary T was on vacation for two weeks, and our first session upon her return was yesterday. Most of my trauma is medical in nature, and I’m dealing with some long-standing issues right now, so we agreed that I could text and/or email her if I needed connection while she was away. I was able to manage without doing so; however, there was an incident a few weeks ago that was extremely bothersome and still is today. My T is well aware of the tense, conflictual nature of the relationship with my parents, and I tried to explain the situation as best as possible knowing what she already understands, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the one detail that is most bothersome. I understand that details aren’t always needed when discussing traumatic incidents; however, I feel that sharing this specific detail, though small, will provide my T with a better understanding of the situation and its lingering effects.

I am unable to write in session due to physical limitations, so I felt frustrated and frozen in the moment with no other way to express myself. I could type the words out and send an email, or print something for her read in session with me, but neither option feels comfortable or genuine as I want to have a discussion without feeling pressured after she finishes reading. We’ve also been discussing the fact that my physical limitations and medical issues are both permanent and constant respectively; thus, causing me to feel trapped in more ways than one. I can’t remember a time when my inability to write placed a therapeutic limit, if ever. I have limited use of my hands in terms of motor coordination but have drawn little scribbles and squeezed play-dough in past sessions.

Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can express the small, yet significantly important detail to my amazingly patient and compassionate T?

ETA: To be as specific as I can here, I’m referring to a name that I was called during a heated argument…
 
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print something for her read in session with me
My therapist is happy when I bring things in to therapy, but she always has me read it myself out loud. If I hit a spot that is really hard, then it's okay to say that I'm having trouble reading this section, and she'll give me time.

Another completely different approach would be to act it out with some small figures.
 
My therapist is happy when I bring things in to therapy, but she always has me read it myself out loud. If I hit a spot that is really hard, then it's okay to say that I'm having trouble reading this section, and she'll give me time.

Another completely different approach would be to act it out with some small figures.
Thanks, I appreciate of your suggestions! Unfortunately, what I need to say is something that can’t be acted out. I should also add that I’m only having trouble saying two words. To be as specific as I can here, I’m referring to a name that my dad called me during a heated argument… And my problem is that I can’t verbalize it at all, so I don’t think I would be able to read it out loud myself. I’m so frustrated. I absolutely hate feeling frozen and trapped!
 
I feel you are expressing yourself quite well. Maybe this is it. The thoughts and feelings surrounding how to say this is the point. Eventually as you get the courage and work up your limitations, you will probably and hopefully reach a place where such words lose their power and affect on you but please keep talking about the experience because that itself sounds kind of therapeutic from where I sit...I really cannot speak for you of course.
 
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