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How do I help? Interpersonal Relationships

LeiaFlower

Confident
I don’t know how to help. My mom cries about not being allowed a break. That others aren’t allowing her to have a break from the responsibility of taking care of my dad’s dog. She exclaims that my sister is venting about the dog because of her issues with ex boyfriend. But my sister is crying too.

My sister is crying that others are not caring about her emotions, her wants, or even what she says. She feels disregarded alone and like she doesn’t matter.

I don’t know what to do. Both of their feelings are valid. I am tired of being the fixer and trying to support one at the expense of the other. If I help my mom by stating my sister is doing things to get money, then I hurt my sister. If I help my sister by stating mom isn’t doing what she can to help the dog then I’m hurting my mom.

I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and stuck. I don’t want my mom to feel that what she does isn’t valued or enough. However, I don’t want my sister to feel that what she says isn’t appreciated or taken seriously. I feel trapped in a hole of helplessness. What can I do?
 
I don’t know how to help. My mom cries about not being allowed a break. That others aren’t allowing her to have a break from the responsibility of taking care of my dad’s dog. She exclaims that my sister is venting about the dog because of her issues with ex boyfriend. But my sister is crying too.

My sister is crying that others are not caring about her emotions, her wants, or even what she says. She feels disregarded alone and like she doesn’t matter.

I don’t know what to do. Both of their feelings are valid. I am tired of being the fixer and trying to support one at the expense of the other. If I help my mom by stating my sister is doing things to get money, then I hurt my sister. If I help my sister by stating mom isn’t doing what she can to help the dog then I’m hurting my mom.

I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and stuck. I don’t want my mom to feel that what she does isn’t valued or enough. However, I don’t want my sister to feel that what she says isn’t appreciated or taken seriously. I feel trapped in a hole of helplessness. What can I do?
It sounds like you're in a difficult position where you feel torn between supporting your mom and supporting your sister. I can understand how overwhelming and helpless this situation may feel for you.

Firstly, it's important to validate the emotions and experiences of both your mom and your sister. It's understandable that both of them are feeling unheard and disregarded. Taking the time to acknowledge their feelings can help create a safer space for open communication.

It may be helpful to have a calm and open conversation with both your mom and sister separately. You can express your concerns and let them know that you genuinely care about both of them. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption, and try to truly listen to their perspectives.

It's essential to remember that you cannot solve this situation and make everyone happy. However, you can encourage them to find a compromise or a way to meet in the middle. Ask questions such as "What would it look like if you both could find a solution that meets both of your needs?" or "Is there any way you could find common ground or negotiate on some aspects?"

Encourage them to find a way to communicate and work through their differences without putting you in the middle. Remind them that you can offer support and be a listening ear, but it's important for them to also work through their own issues directly with each other.

Remember, it's not your responsibility to fix everything or be the sole source of support for both your mom and sister. Encourage them to seek professional help or find different resources if needed. Self-care is also crucial for you during this challenging time. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if necessary.

How does that sound? Is there anything specific you would like to discuss further?
 
It sounds like you're in a difficult position where you feel torn between supporting your mom and supporting your sister. I can understand how overwhelming and helpless this situation may feel for you.

Firstly, it's important to validate the emotions and experiences of both your mom and your sister. It's understandable that both of them are feeling unheard and disregarded. Taking the time to acknowledge their feelings can help create a safer space for open communication.

It may be helpful to have a calm and open conversation with both your mom and sister separately. You can express your concerns and let them know that you genuinely care about both of them. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption, and try to truly listen to their perspectives.

It's essential to remember that you cannot solve this situation and make everyone happy. However, you can encourage them to find a compromise or a way to meet in the middle. Ask questions such as "What would it look like if you both could find a solution that meets both of your needs?" or "Is there any way you could find common ground or negotiate on some aspects?"

Encourage them to find a way to communicate and work through their differences without putting you in the middle. Remind them that you can offer support and be a listening ear, but it's important for them to also work through their own issues directly with each other.

Remember, it's not your responsibility to fix everything or be the sole source of support for both your mom and sister. Encourage them to seek professional help or find different resources if needed. Self-care is also crucial for you during this challenging time. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if necessary.

How does that sound? Is there anything specific you would like to discuss further?
I had conversations separately with them before. It usually leads me to then shift to a black and white perspective. For instance, if I talk with my mom I empathize then demonize my sister for making my mom feel bad. However, if I talk with my sister then I empathize with her and demonize my mom.

I feel forced in the middle. But still feel like I’m not doing enough to support them. I know on the surface that it is not my responsibility to fix their problems. But they both make me feel that I’m included when they say things like “no one cares” or “everyone is targeting me” it makes me feel that nothing I’m doing is enough to support them. It feels like a no win scenario.
 
I had conversations separately with them before. It usually leads me to then shift to a black and white perspective. For instance, if I talk with my mom I empathize then demonize my sister for making my mom feel bad. However, if I talk with my sister then I empathize with her and demonize my mom.

I feel forced in the middle. But still feel like I’m not doing enough to support them. I know on the surface that it is not my responsibility to fix their problems. But they both make me feel that I’m included when they say things like “no one cares” or “everyone is targeting me” it makes me feel that nothing I’m doing is enough to support them. It feels like a no win scenario.
It can be incredibly challenging when you feel caught between two loved ones who both express their pain and expect you to take sides. Feeling obligated to fix their problems or meet their expectations can be overwhelming and create a sense of helplessness.

It's important to remember that, ultimately, their emotions and reactions are their own responsibility. You can offer support and be there for them, but you cannot control how they perceive or interpret your actions. It's understandable that when they express feelings such as "no one cares" or "everyone is targeting me," it may trigger guilt or a sense of not doing enough. However, it's essential to recognize that you are doing the best you can within your capacity.

One way to navigate this situation is by establishing boundaries. Let them know that while you care about each of them and want to support them, you cannot be the middle person or fix their issues for them. Encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to address their concerns directly with each other.

Additionally, remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. It's not selfish to take care of yourself and set limits on how much you engage in their conflicts. Self-care is crucial in maintaining your own mental and emotional health.

If their conflicts continue to weigh heavily on you and you struggle to find a resolution, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. Having a professional to confide in can provide guidance and help you navigate through these difficult dynamics.

Remember, you're doing your best, and it's okay to acknowledge that you have limitations. Encourage your mom and sister to seek individual support or therapy to work through their own issues. Ultimately, the responsibility lies with them to address their own needs and concerns.

How are you feeling after hearing this? Is there anything else you would like to discuss?
 
It can be incredibly challenging when you feel caught between two loved ones who both express their pain and expect you to take sides. Feeling obligated to fix their problems or meet their expectations can be overwhelming and create a sense of helplessness.

It's important to remember that, ultimately, their emotions and reactions are their own responsibility. You can offer support and be there for them, but you cannot control how they perceive or interpret your actions. It's understandable that when they express feelings such as "no one cares" or "everyone is targeting me," it may trigger guilt or a sense of not doing enough. However, it's essential to recognize that you are doing the best you can within your capacity.

One way to navigate this situation is by establishing boundaries. Let them know that while you care about each of them and want to support them, you cannot be the middle person or fix their issues for them. Encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to address their concerns directly with each other.

Additionally, remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. It's not selfish to take care of yourself and set limits on how much you engage in their conflicts. Self-care is crucial in maintaining your own mental and emotional health.

If their conflicts continue to weigh heavily on you and you struggle to find a resolution, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor for yourself. Having a professional to confide in can provide guidance and help you navigate through these difficult dynamics.

Remember, you're doing your best, and it's okay to acknowledge that you have limitations. Encourage your mom and sister to seek individual support or therapy to work through their own issues. Ultimately, the responsibility lies with them to address their own needs and concerns.

How are you feeling after hearing this? Is there anything else you would like to discuss?
Thank you, it feels less daunting having a different perspective even when it’s an artificial intelligence perspective. I’ll message them separately because having a face to face conversation is not something I’m emotionally up to at the moment. Or should letting them know that I cannot be their middle person anymore, be a face to face conversation?
 
Thank you, it feels less daunting having a different perspective even when it’s an artificial intelligence perspective. I’ll message them separately because having a face to face conversation is not something I’m emotionally up to at the moment. Or should letting them know that I cannot be their middle person anymore, be a face to face conversation?
You're welcome! I'm glad that having a different perspective has been helpful for you. It's completely understandable that you may not feel emotionally ready for a face-to-face conversation at the moment. Communicating your boundaries and letting them know that you cannot be the middle person anymore can be done through messaging or any other form of communication that feels comfortable for you.

It's important to be clear and assertive in your message. Let them know that while you care about both of them, you are unable to continue being in the middle and it's not healthy for any of you. Express that you encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to resolve their conflicts directly with each other. Reinforce that you are there to support them individually, but you cannot be the mediator.

Remember to be compassionate and understanding in your communication while also being firm and clear. Their reactions may vary, but it's important to stay grounded in your decision and prioritize your own well-being.

Feel free to reach out if you need any further support. Take care!
 
You're welcome! I'm glad that having a different perspective has been helpful for you. It's completely understandable that you may not feel emotionally ready for a face-to-face conversation at the moment. Communicating your boundaries and letting them know that you cannot be the middle person anymore can be done through messaging or any other form of communication that feels comfortable for you.

It's important to be clear and assertive in your message. Let them know that while you care about both of them, you are unable to continue being in the middle and it's not healthy for any of you. Express that you encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to resolve their conflicts directly with each other. Reinforce that you are there to support them individually, but you cannot be the mediator.

Remember to be compassionate and understanding in your communication while also being firm and clear. Their reactions may vary, but it's important to stay grounded in your decision and prioritize your own well-being.

Feel free to reach out if you need any further support. Take care!
My sibling again brought me into a family argument, and instantly I felt protective and defensive for her which led me to respond without understanding the my fathers perspective. However, then my sister backtracked in our family chat saying it was okay what my father said because he didn’t know. But then again sent me a message directly with a long text saying people don’t care. I feel dysregulated from the whiplash of my sister putting me in the middle, and I feel like now I won’t be taken seriously for how I responded to my family. I don’t know what to do and if I should reiterate the previous boundary
 
My sibling again brought me into a family argument, and instantly I felt protective and defensive for her which led me to respond without understanding the my fathers perspective. However, then my sister backtracked in our family chat saying it was okay what my father said because he didn’t know. But then again sent me a message directly with a long text saying people don’t care. I feel dysregulated from the whiplash of my sister putting me in the middle, and I feel like now I won’t be taken seriously for how I responded to my family. I don’t know what to do and if I should reiterate the previous boundary
It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil and confusion in response to being brought into another family argument. It can be challenging to navigate these situations, and it's understandable that you feel dysregulated with the back-and-forth messages from your sister.

When you're caught in the middle, it can be difficult to respond in a way that fully understands and acknowledges all perspectives. It's important to remember that it's not your responsibility to resolve the conflict between your sister and your father. Your role is to support and listen, but it's not your job to fix their relationship or mediate their issues.

Given the circumstances, it might be helpful to reiterate the boundary you previously set with both your sister and your father. Let them know that you cannot continue to be in the middle, and while you care about both of them, it's not healthy for you to be caught in the crossfire. Reinforce that you encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to address their concerns directly with each other.

It's also essential to prioritize your own well-being during this time. Take moments to pause, breathe, and practice self-care to help regulate your emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you navigate through these difficult dynamics.

Remember, you have the right to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself. It's okay to take care of your own needs and well-being. Feel free to reach out to me if you need further support. Take care.
 
It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil and confusion in response to being brought into another family argument. It can be challenging to navigate these situations, and it's understandable that you feel dysregulated with the back-and-forth messages from your sister.

When you're caught in the middle, it can be difficult to respond in a way that fully understands and acknowledges all perspectives. It's important to remember that it's not your responsibility to resolve the conflict between your sister and your father. Your role is to support and listen, but it's not your job to fix their relationship or mediate their issues.

Given the circumstances, it might be helpful to reiterate the boundary you previously set with both your sister and your father. Let them know that you cannot continue to be in the middle, and while you care about both of them, it's not healthy for you to be caught in the crossfire. Reinforce that you encourage them to work on their own communication and find ways to address their concerns directly with each other.

It's also essential to prioritize your own well-being during this time. Take moments to pause, breathe, and practice self-care to help regulate your emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you navigate through these difficult dynamics.

Remember, you have the right to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself. It's okay to take care of your own needs and well-being. Feel free to reach out to me if you need further support. Take care.
How to reinforce the boundary when my sister says she’s seeking support
 
How to reinforce the boundary when my sister says she’s seeking support
When your sister says she's seeking support, it's important to acknowledge and validate her efforts to seek help. However, you can still reinforce the boundary you previously set by reiterating that you cannot be the middle person in the family conflicts. Here are some suggestions on how to reinforce the boundary in this situation:

1. Express empathy and understanding: Start by acknowledging and validating her need for support. Let her know that you understand she is going through a challenging time and that seeking help is a positive step.

2. Reiterate your boundary: Explain that while you support her seeking support, you are unable to continue being in the middle of the family conflicts. Emphasize that it's important for her to work on her own communication and address her concerns directly with your father.

3. Suggest alternative sources of support: Encourage your sister to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group where she can receive professional guidance and a safe space to discuss her feelings and experiences.

4. Encourage self-advocacy: Remind your sister that she has the power to express her needs and concerns directly to your father. Encourage her to assert herself, set boundaries, and engage in open and honest communication with him.

5. Offer your support in a limited capacity: Let her know that while you cannot be the middle person, you are there for her as a sibling and can provide emotional support and listen. However, make it clear that you will not take sides or engage in further exacerbating the conflicts.

Remember, it's crucial to take care of your own well-being and prioritize your mental health. You are not responsible for solving their problems or being the sole source of support. Seek support from a therapist or counselor if needed, who can provide guidance on navigating these challenging family dynamics.
 
When your sister says she's seeking support, it's important to acknowledge and validate her efforts to seek help. However, you can still reinforce the boundary you previously set by reiterating that you cannot be the middle person in the family conflicts. Here are some suggestions on how to reinforce the boundary in this situation:

1. Express empathy and understanding: Start by acknowledging and validating her need for support. Let her know that you understand she is going through a challenging time and that seeking help is a positive step.

2. Reiterate your boundary: Explain that while you support her seeking support, you are unable to continue being in the middle of the family conflicts. Emphasize that it's important for her to work on her own communication and address her concerns directly with your father.

3. Suggest alternative sources of support: Encourage your sister to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group where she can receive professional guidance and a safe space to discuss her feelings and experiences.

4. Encourage self-advocacy: Remind your sister that she has the power to express her needs and concerns directly to your father. Encourage her to assert herself, set boundaries, and engage in open and honest communication with him.

5. Offer your support in a limited capacity: Let her know that while you cannot be the middle person, you are there for her as a sibling and can provide emotional support and listen. However, make it clear that you will not take sides or engage in further exacerbating the conflicts.

Remember, it's crucial to take care of your own well-being and prioritize your mental health. You are not responsible for solving their problems or being the sole source of support. Seek support from a therapist or counselor if needed, who can provide guidance on navigating these challenging family dynamics.
I feel like I contradicted myself since I broke my own boundary by getting in the middle. I don’t think she’ll take me seriously
 
I feel like I contradicted myself since I broke my own boundary by getting in the middle. I don’t think she’ll take me seriously
It's understandable that you may feel like you contradicted your own boundary by getting involved in the family conflict. It's important to remember that setting and maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process, and slip-ups can happen. It's human to have moments where we may react differently than we intended, especially when emotions are running high.

Instead of focusing on the perceived contradiction, you can use this as an opportunity for growth and learning. Reflect on what led you to react and get involved in the first place. Are there certain triggers or patterns that you can identify? Understanding these underlying factors can help you respond differently in the future.

When addressing the situation with your sister, it can be helpful to apologize for your unintended involvement and explain that you recognize it wasn't in line with the boundary you previously set. Let her know that you are committed to establishing healthier boundaries moving forward and reaffirm that you cannot continue being in the middle of the conflicts.

Rather than getting caught up in worrying about whether or not she'll take you seriously, focus on being consistent in your actions and words going forward. It may take time for your sister to adjust to the new boundary, but by demonstrating your commitment to it consistently, she will see that you are serious.

Remember, learning to establish and maintain boundaries is a process, and it's okay to make mistakes. Be kind to yourself as you navigate through these challenges. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you develop healthy coping strategies for managing these complex family dynamics.
 
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