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How do i help someone with cptsd?

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Bowl83

New Here
I don't really know where to start... Clue's in the title really!

In a nutshell I have my own issues, probably a little PTSD from a rape a long time ago and a seperate abusive relationship. I have dealt with both, had counselling etc but I guess my biggest trigger that still makes me lose my shit is feeling controlled in any way, even though it is normally a big overreaction.

Anyway have been in a relationship for 18 months. He defo has undiagnosed CPTSD. 99% of the time it works well as we understand each other but like any couple, sometimes we argue. My go to used to be a hysterical crying, you don't love me vibe. But he really worked with me to build that trust and arguments became more healthy.

However he has recently been diagnosed with a non cancerous brain tumor so is quite poorly. From how I see it, his CPTSD is more present than ever a) because his horrendous parents genuinely don't care that he is ill (both siblings have passed so I am his only real family) b)because he is not working and sits around being ill so feels useless etc and all the things his dad used to tell him. All this plus a brain tumour makes him understandably snappy...

So how do I deal with it? Start losing my head because he snaps at me about food or some trivial shit and I feel under attack... This stresses him out. He has a fit (caused by tumour plus stress). I think he's going to die. I cry. This stresses him out. He has another fit. He starts snapping at me and the cycle repeats. He feels more unsafe and unloved than ever and has flashbacks in his sleep about his dad giving his brother chocolate and him bread and I regret any food related conversation with him.

I just don't know how to beat my own demons and show any patience. He is so loving and kind but if he bites I see my wifebeater ex, I feel like nothing and if I let it go I am scared I'll end up bullied again. I've started reading more on CPTSD to understand him more so that I stop taking it so personally. Not really working as yet!

Guess I thought talking here to some survivors might give me a better insight
 
I was never good at relationships, so I’ll just welcome you to the forum.......
 
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