SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
My health has been slipping a bit lately. Possibly due to the huge stress of different combined problems this year keeps bringing. I was holding both my anxiety and depression at functional level. But lately I'm not sure that's true.
I mean, I work from home and my main client has been away and not answering for few weeks. When I'm out I keep at normal level. But more and more I find myself waking late no matter when I go to bed. Skipping alarms. Eating too much. And yes, I do groceries, go out of the house, do laundry etc. Still. But I find myself laying on the couch with my laptop more and more. I also do any work I have directly, but considering my client's absence I should be looking for more work and I just can't bring myself to it, prolonging the problem. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if it wouldn't be easier to just not deal with myself, to sort of slip away. From everything. I wouldn't. But the thought comes to me still.
I need to make a change. A lot of changes. Yet the amount of time daily I'm actually functional and proactive seems shorter and shorter.
I find myself retreating to the couch, a lot. Finding willpower seems harder on some days. I think if someone knew how I spend my days they'd be worried, but I still can't stop myself. Everything seems to require more energy than it should.
And the free center closed due to the pandemic and I can't afford therapy. I need to pull through this.
I am thankful to be on meds, things would look way darker if I wasn't, I know that.
But I am really struggling and I don't know how to push myself to do what I need to do to change the situation.
I mean, I work from home and my main client has been away and not answering for few weeks. When I'm out I keep at normal level. But more and more I find myself waking late no matter when I go to bed. Skipping alarms. Eating too much. And yes, I do groceries, go out of the house, do laundry etc. Still. But I find myself laying on the couch with my laptop more and more. I also do any work I have directly, but considering my client's absence I should be looking for more work and I just can't bring myself to it, prolonging the problem. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if it wouldn't be easier to just not deal with myself, to sort of slip away. From everything. I wouldn't. But the thought comes to me still.
I need to make a change. A lot of changes. Yet the amount of time daily I'm actually functional and proactive seems shorter and shorter.
I find myself retreating to the couch, a lot. Finding willpower seems harder on some days. I think if someone knew how I spend my days they'd be worried, but I still can't stop myself. Everything seems to require more energy than it should.
And the free center closed due to the pandemic and I can't afford therapy. I need to pull through this.
I am thankful to be on meds, things would look way darker if I wasn't, I know that.
But I am really struggling and I don't know how to push myself to do what I need to do to change the situation.