How do I keep it together? (job hunt)

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I am freaking out. This year hasn't been kind. I may need a job (70%sure,still need to check other visa options) to renew my stay here, for the last 90 days I've been tourist. Calling the office for visas already gives me panic attacks, and for many reasons I was not able to seek work prior. So I have up to 2 weeks, 2.5weeks to resolve this. At the same time there are some issues and delays with the online work I'm doing to get money for visa and work permit fees. All these tight deadlines after spending the first 3 months of the year at a place that was very negative for me. And also I need few work appropriate clothes as well because I had minimal wardrobe to begin with and then gained weight last year. Not a problem working from home, but it is one if I find a job.

So... I'm keeping it together and I'm not. I want to be here, I have no alternatives if I didn't either. I was having very dark thoughts when I was home at the start of the year, can't do another 3 months. I made a home here, I'd like a chance to build proper future. I'm finally functional after years of effort and this situation makes me feel like I'm sliding back. The past week I break tasks in smaller tasks and I'm functional one moment, but if few things go wrong I get in that hypervigilant shock state where everything is much harder to do. Which gets me to the state I was in when I started working online because it was all I could handle. I need documents to stay here. I need job to get documents. I need income to pay for documents. I need to be functional to apply for jobs and ask document questions. It's like a screwed up domino, 1 piece falls and the whole structure might tumble down.

Some moments I'm fine. Some I feel so pushed that it makes me have bad thoughts. Dark thoughts for one. For another, wondering would it really be so bad if I was without visa for few months(I know, yes!!). For another, wishing I could just not be there for 3 months so I don't have to deal with this. But I don't want that. I finally have good apartment, great friends. 3 months is a long time to be away again.

I'm having such day today. Can't get through to the office for visas to ask some questions. Can't do my on-line work because of an unexpected issue. So much to do and all of a sudden I'm in that state where I feel like everything is falling apart, 3 weeks is too little to get even most basic job, I won't get any income and everything will fall apart, and I can't breathe let alone edit my cv so I can go to some companies in person. Where 1 task feels so big it needs to be broken in impossible mini pieces or I can't cope and my mind is blank and I'm panicking. I want to have a chance. To finally pay off my debt. To stay. To have better wardrobe. To have a stable home. To have savings. And it all seems to be slipping away from me so fast. I'm so scared.
 

Friday

Moderator
I may need a job (70%sure,still need to check other visa options) to renew my stay here, for the last 90 days I've been tourist.
Can you get a one day a week job at your ballet studio, or a business license -or whatever is need locally- to “prove” self-employment? Or does it need to be a full time with minimum salary & benefits provided up to a certain level?
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Can you get a one day a week job at your ballet studio, or a business license -or whatever is need locally- to “prove” self-employment? Or does it need to be a full time with minimum salary & benefits provided up to a certain level?
For several reasons, the second kind. I do need to ask if it can be part-time rather than full-time if it still counts as employed. But I need to reach them on the phone to answer that.
While I was writing this it occurred to me to add Mcdonald's to the list. If they put me at the back I don't need perfect language, they are a chain so they should be fine with a regular contract, and I've already worked that job- even if it was in another country and years ago. Might be an acceptable transition job if I was able to get it.
I feel so panicked today, I don't know how to keep on top of this with documents, office/service job for the first time in 8 years, and my mental health at the same time.
 

Friday

Moderator
Might be an acceptable transition job if I was able to get it.

Restaurants aren’t my thing, passion-speaking, but they’re my go-to “need job now” all around the world. Working both legally & illegally. The best restaurant job I ever had? ((And I’ve worked Michelin Starred)) A burger joint. Whose owner paid for 1 class a quarter at the university, or your entire tuition at the community college, as long as you worked part time for him, and took the week before midterms and finals off. Which worked out to almost an extra 20k per year. He started doing so in the 1960s as a humanitarian experiment, and kept it going for over 50 years. His son’s discontinued the program. Thousands of degrees he helped happen. His sons only care about the money. Shrug. $10k per day in milkshakes alone, I calculated at one point.

Hit up MickeyD’s, hit up your friends, maid service, whatever. Income + VISA = it doesn’t have to be a “you” job. It just needs to be a job-job.

It takes a certain mindset if you define “who” you are, by “what” you do... to work jobs you dislike. But if you can set your ego aside, sing the money-money-money...MONEY! -or sub it with- visa-visa-visa-VEEEEEESA! ? Voila.
 
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SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Oh I'm all for any service job right now. As you said not my favorite, but my go to. And I've done many of them. No shame in honest work. I haven't been getting anxious so much about where I'll work, but more about my ability to find work in 3 week when it's historically harder year in general. But I get what you're saying-eyes on the prize.
After a day of being frozen in anxiety I got a bunch of ideas on how to handle bits of that situation(rather than being overwhelmed by it all). It was pretty dark day, but I think I've gotten to some peace by giving myself the night off and tomorrow seeing what I can do with the list of ideas I wrote. This is horribly hard, yes... But hopefully, not unmanageable.
 
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