A
Altair
I am engaged to a wonderful, amazing woman who happens to suffer from PTSD, BPD and generalized anxiety. What makes this situation challenging is that she is also several thousand miles away while we are waiting on a US fiancee visa.
We almost broke up yesterday. I had been feeling awful for weeks, crying (which isn't like me), getting angry with people (which REALLY isn't like me) and just generally feeling bad about the situation. I am constantly being told "you need to put your oxygen mask on first" but I truly don't know how. Yesterday when I told her how I was feeling, that I felt suffocated by always putting myself second and neglecting my family, friends and work here in America, she apologized left and right for how things have been lately. She said she feels she's been less than her best to me lately and selfish about her needs. There has been a lot of yelling at me lately, which she said is because she has no one else to vent to, and she admitted she knows is wrong and has promised to stop.
We are staying together, but she has suggested we set some boundaries so that I can still exist outside of our long distance skype sessions. She has promised to start taking her meds again, to start walking again and to try volunteer work again, which are all things that have helped her in the past. The last several months, we have talked almost every waking moment when I am not at work. We are going to cut that back, but I wanted advice on how to do this. Is it selfish to ask for one day a week where we normally do our own thing, two days a week that are "ours" (almost kind of reserved unless something MAJOR comes up) and then keep the other 4 days as casual or involved as we feel that day? I'm not good at pulling back, I know I need to take care of myself but it's hard when she is the entire world to me!
Any tips appreciated.
We almost broke up yesterday. I had been feeling awful for weeks, crying (which isn't like me), getting angry with people (which REALLY isn't like me) and just generally feeling bad about the situation. I am constantly being told "you need to put your oxygen mask on first" but I truly don't know how. Yesterday when I told her how I was feeling, that I felt suffocated by always putting myself second and neglecting my family, friends and work here in America, she apologized left and right for how things have been lately. She said she feels she's been less than her best to me lately and selfish about her needs. There has been a lot of yelling at me lately, which she said is because she has no one else to vent to, and she admitted she knows is wrong and has promised to stop.
We are staying together, but she has suggested we set some boundaries so that I can still exist outside of our long distance skype sessions. She has promised to start taking her meds again, to start walking again and to try volunteer work again, which are all things that have helped her in the past. The last several months, we have talked almost every waking moment when I am not at work. We are going to cut that back, but I wanted advice on how to do this. Is it selfish to ask for one day a week where we normally do our own thing, two days a week that are "ours" (almost kind of reserved unless something MAJOR comes up) and then keep the other 4 days as casual or involved as we feel that day? I'm not good at pulling back, I know I need to take care of myself but it's hard when she is the entire world to me!
Any tips appreciated.