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How do i tell them what happened?

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by lookingfor help, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. lookingfor help

    lookingfor help Member

    Right now I’m living with five lovely girls. We share a house together now but haven’t always known each other. With university housing, I ended up meeting them through our uni website as they were looking for an additional housemate for a six bedroom home and I was looking for someone to live with. I agreed to live and met with them before the assault took place. I’d been excited; they seemed like people I could really get along with. We only properly got to know one another when we all moved in together. But this was just months after the assault. I was already struggling with PTSD and being back in the place (city) where it happened (I go to uni away from home). Moving in with new people, having to get to know them and not feeling like the same person I was before was overwhelming. I spent most of my time in bed, not eating, taking trips back home, being with the friends I was used to and who knew what had happened. Being in such a tight situation, dealing with day to day trauma, being afraid to say anything, not knowing how to has meant I don’t feel as close to them as I should. I’ve been living with them since September and even though it’s true that we get along and I do feel comfortable around them, there are many times when my depression resurfaces and I start to feel that distance again. That and when talk turns to boys and sex. I just don’t feel comfortable. I feel like it’s the right thing to do to say something and I want to, I don’t like feeling like I’m dealing with it alone or that i’m living in a house I don’t feel completely myself. When something is wrong and I need something closer. I just don’t know how to say it. I’ve asked a friend to come over to mine and be there with me; I want to try and do it tomorrow. I feel a lot stronger I guess than where I was when we first moved in. But I know I’m not over anything and there is no rush and sometimes I will need people near me. I just don’t know how to sit them all down and say this is why I act the way I do. They’ve noticed some things: when I’m not around and want to be on my own, I can sense they feel it when I get distance in some conversations. I just wanna find the right words and the right timing to say what I feel.
    hithere, Sweetleaf and littleoc like this.
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  3. Sweetleaf

    Sweetleaf Well-Known Member

    I don't have any advice really, but I am in a similar place. I have a really hard time telling anyone about the trauma, and I've barely told any of my friends about how I have PTSD now. I empathize with how hard it is to tell anyone about this stuff. There's a huge fear of rejection, for me. I'm also afraid people won't understand, or will misunderstand, or dismiss it as bullshit or weakness or something. I also don't want to be seen as being different. You're not alone in finding it difficult to tell people. It -is- hard to find the right time and right occasion, and it's not an easy thing to bring up.

    I'm also afraid that I'll start crying if I talk to someone about it too much.
    hithere and lookingfor help like this.
  4. hithere

    hithere Active Member

    This was back in February. Now that it is May were you able to talk to any of your house mates? Instead of sitting them down all one together at once, can you just first pick the ones you are closest too? Tell them there is something you want to share that is very personal and if you could have tea together sometime? I wonder how this went. I'm in the same situation I have chosen to stay silent. One thing I don't like people looking at me to try and "see" if they spot me having any symptoms (I have another medical condition I keep hidden for same reason) I just want to be viewed as normal and not the sick and depressed one. Trust is important, and keeping your story private is an important issue. I have a very close friend I have never told because she repeats things she shouldn't all the time. She has no clue how to respect people's private issues. She isn't mean, or gossipy, she just TALKS too much! So I just won't tell her, because when I do then all of our friends and acquiantances will find out from her.
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