PreciousChild
MyPTSD Pro
I haven't posted in several years. When I first got diagnosed with developmental ptsd, I was reading a lot and coming here a lot. I did a lot of work and made so much progress to the point that I was not getting triggered hardly at all. I still do therapy and am re-reading Body Keeps the Score. Probably due to feeling more confident, I met someone who I started a long-term relationship with and we even moved in together - all told, we've been together for about 15 months. I haven't had a ltr since divorcing my ex a dozen years ago. I was actually happy to learn my soon-to-be-ex-bf also had a diagnosis of developmental ptsd, and thought we could share in a journey together. But the fact is, he doesn't go to therapy and does not relate his current feelings to his ptsd at all. So when he gets triggered, he takes all the negative feelings he becomes overwhelmed by and just points the finger at me as the cause. Not good. Long story short, we are in the process of breaking up. It's actually his idea. I think he feels unsafe and he told me he feels talked down to when I try to talk to him about what I've learned about ptsd. I think he's right that I've been too lecture-y.
In any case, my real reason for writing is to ask for advice about how to get through this transition. Because of the lease and our circumstances, we agreed to finish out another month living together, and I just want to make sure we make it the best possible transition. I think that when you have ptsd and are feeling aggravated and unsafe, you tend to get defensive and lash out at the thing you think is making you feel that way. We aren't loud people, so we don't have trouble with physical or verbal violence, and there is no addiction or other people involved, etc. We have integrity for the most part, thankfully. The main problem is that he wants recognition and accommodation for his pain and suffering, but he is completely unable to recognize my feelings, especially when he's acting out a trigger. How do people negotiate both people having ptsd? What if you have strong needs at the same time? Thanks for any thoughts you might have.
In any case, my real reason for writing is to ask for advice about how to get through this transition. Because of the lease and our circumstances, we agreed to finish out another month living together, and I just want to make sure we make it the best possible transition. I think that when you have ptsd and are feeling aggravated and unsafe, you tend to get defensive and lash out at the thing you think is making you feel that way. We aren't loud people, so we don't have trouble with physical or verbal violence, and there is no addiction or other people involved, etc. We have integrity for the most part, thankfully. The main problem is that he wants recognition and accommodation for his pain and suffering, but he is completely unable to recognize my feelings, especially when he's acting out a trigger. How do people negotiate both people having ptsd? What if you have strong needs at the same time? Thanks for any thoughts you might have.