How do we overcome our problems (PTSD and bipolar)

Aliana

New Here
Hi!
New om the forum, and I start by apologize for My bad english. That, apologizing that is, I do about everything by the way... Just tro try and keep myself out of trouble. But, My english or apologizing is not The topic of this thread so I better get to THE point.

I have PTSD from when my ex gun threatened to kill me. That was the culm for me that led to PTSD grounded in childhood. My husband has got bipolar disorder, and död therefore have huge problems controling outbursts. He always apologizes afterwards and taken responsibility for his words, often within a few hours, bit this really is starting to ware me down, having My own issues with emotional abuse and trust.

Does any of you have experiens from relationships with some one bipolar? I could really need some advice on strategies and how tro cope with me having PTSD.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum:)

Are you or your partner currently working with a therapist? If not (as in, both of your getting support from your own therapist) is that a possibility?

Is your partner on medication for his bipolar? If so, do you know if he's currently complying with that medication?

If he's not on medication, bipolar can respond really well to medication, so him seeing a doctor is definitely a (fairly urgent) priority before he deteriorates (which is likely with bipolar)...
 

Aliana

New Here
Welcome to the forum:)

Are you or your partner currently working with a therapist? If not (as in, both of your getting support from your own therapist) is that a possibility?

Is your partner on medication for his bipolar? If so, do you know if he's currently complying with that medication?

If he's not on medication, bipolar can respond really well to medication, so him seeing a doctor is definitely a (fairly urgent) priority before he deteriorates (which is likely with bipolar)...
Thank you for welcoming me! :)

None of us are in therapy now, but we both have been. My husband did menalisation and KBT, and that helped a lot. I am trying to fond therapy for My self, wich isnt that easy were we live because PTSD do not have the resourses in our country (Sweden) that matches the need (bipolar treatments get mutch more prioritized, so that is easier to attchive). I was in therapy, but hade tom switch therapist like every 3 months and that did not help, so I an trying to fond a privat alternative.

Hubby is of medication event though he takes from my Olanzepine att occasions 🤪 but ge really anti- medicine.

He's actually doing quite ok with his bipolar, working, never over spending or acts unfaithful etc. Depressions är worked through and är shortlived.

... But I still get very trigged by what remains of these outbursts, and unlike the normal people he really cant stop himself. That I can understand because I cant eather :/

Yesterday was a disaster with me having all hell break loose. I find despite all that these meltdowns är somewhat heeling sometimes as long as I spend them alone with my deamons, because during the meltdowns I get flashbacks of many things I otherwise forget... But its exausting and I get close to where I need to be hospitalized.

I guess I am really looking for ways to handle my triggers and att the same time keep my boundaries and somewhat a firm ground with my husband. Bipolar needs that from the supporter, but att the same time I need to be totally left alone and it is tyering to sleep in the car out in the woods to often.

Sorry for my ranting, I guess I am trying to sort My head out a bit aswell.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Hubby is of medication
Let's jump right in, because you've covered a lot of ground.

Bipolar off meds? Doesn't work. It's not the same as ptsd. It's more like trying to manage schizophrenia off meds. Doesn't work.

You can help hubby with that, and get help for hubby if he's dangerously depressed or psychotic. But ultimately, he's going to need to make peace with his meds, or he will never have control of his illness, and most likely, his episodes will get worse.

Sounds harsh. But we're straight talking here, k? It's not what you want to hear, I know, and I'm sorry about that.

unlike the normal people he really cant stop himself
With meds? He can.
If he's unmedicated, and having an episode, then you're right. He can't. He needs meds and medical intervention.

If he's actually between episodes? Then he can control it, and is responsible for learning how.

Is that totally shit and unfair for him? Absolutely. But he remains responsible for his behaviour, like all of us, mental illness or not.

Ptsd explains why we behave outrageously sometimes, but it isn't an excuse for that behaviour. It's also possible that sometimes, when a person with ptsd is behaving outrageously? It's not always their ptsd. Some people with ptsd also happen to be jerks. Nice people get ptsd, jerks get ptsd.

Same is true of bipolar. His bipolar? Is not an excuse to treat you like shit, any more than ptsd gives you a pass to treat him like shit. Making a commitment to getting better? Is key. And for him? That means committing to medication as a key part of managing his illness.

I guess I am really looking for ways to handle my triggers
Are these triggers, stressors, both? What a hot mess ptsd is, right!? Yes, our triggers are something we can learn to manage (if a trauma therapist is out, are there cbt or dbt groups you could join?).

But, also remember the stress cup analogy with ptsd? It sounds like yours is full, and you're operating somewhere near stress-capacity all the time. Are there things you can add to your week that help relieve some of your stress levels, and bring your stress baseline down? That will help with management of stressors and triggers.

Some triggers? You actually don't need to learn to put up with, like when someone is just plain treating you like crap.
keep my boundaries and somewhat a firm ground with my husband
This is probably where you can make some of the most ground in a really short space of time. So: what sorts of boundaries (real, practical ones) could you maybe put in place with hubby? Brainstorming some ideas perhaps here...?
I need to be totally left alone and it is tyering to sleep in the car out in the woods to often.
This sounds really isolating and lonely. But also very ptsd. The "run and escape" thing we do. A lot of folks here do that as a coping strategy.

Sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's not. It can be hard to know in the moment. But, I will say that I hear you, I relate (despite completely different personal circumstances, that flight-response? I totally do that when I'm overwhelmed). And I hope things get easier for you real soon.

There's several different conversations in all of that! Hopefully some other folks will chime in with their thoughts. And perhaps @joeylittle can correct me if I'm wrong about bipolar being manageable without medication, because I don't think it can be, but I'd love to be wrong about that.
 

Aliana

New Here
Let's jump right in, because you've covered a lot of ground.

Bipolar off meds? Doesn't work. It's not the same as ptsd. It's more like trying to manage schizophrenia off meds. Doesn't work.

You can help hubby with that, and get help for hubby if he's dangerously depressed or psychotic. But ultimately, he's going to need to make peace with his meds, or he will never have control of his illness, and most likely, his episodes will get worse.

Sounds harsh. But we're straight talking here, k? It's not what you want to hear, I know, and I'm sorry about that.


With meds? He can.
If he's unmedicated, and having an episode, then you're right. He can't. He needs meds and medical intervention.

If he's actually between episodes? Then he can control it, and is responsible for learning how.

Is that totally shit and unfair for him? Absolutely. But he remains responsible for his behaviour, like all of us, mental illness or not.

Ptsd explains why we behave outrageously sometimes, but it isn't an excuse for that behaviour. It's also possible that sometimes, when a person with ptsd is behaving outrageously? It's not always their ptsd. Some people with ptsd also happen to be jerks. Nice people get ptsd, jerks get ptsd.

Same is true of bipolar. His bipolar? Is not an excuse to treat you like shit, any more than ptsd gives you a pass to treat him like shit. Making a commitment to getting better? Is key. And for him? That means committing to medication as a key part of managing his illness.


Are these triggers, stressors, both? What a hot mess ptsd is, right!? Yes, our triggers are something we can learn to manage (if a trauma therapist is out, are there cbt or dbt groups you could join?).

But, also remember the stress cup analogy with ptsd? It sounds like yours is full, and you're operating somewhere near stress-capacity all the time. Are there things you can add to your week that help relieve some of your stress levels, and bring your stress baseline down? That will help with management of stressors and triggers.

Some triggers? You actually don't need to learn to put up with, like when someone is just plain treating you like crap.

This is probably where you can make some of the most ground in a really short space of time. So: what sorts of boundaries (real, practical ones) could you maybe put in place with hubby? Brainstorming some ideas perhaps here...?

This sounds really isolating and lonely. But also very ptsd. The "run and escape" thing we do. A lot of folks here do that as a coping strategy.

Sometimes it's helpful. Sometimes it's not. It can be hard to know in the moment. But, I will say that I hear you, I relate (despite completely different personal circumstances, that flight-response? I totally do that when I'm overwhelmed). And I hope things get easier for you real soon.

There's several different conversations in all of that! Hopefully some other folks will chime in with their thoughts. And perhaps @joeylittle can correct me if I'm wrong about bipolar being manageable without medication, because I don't think it can be, but I'd love to be wrong about that.
Firat I'd like to adress your question "Are these triggers, stressors, both? ". This really got me thinking about sorting out what is what about my inner state, thank you!
I was absolutly triggered the day before my melt-down. Hubby was in a good mood just sharing his day at work, and I reacted complitly on one line he dropt. I actually could feel and see what that line triggered in me, but despite that I still got the hell out of the house. After some ours I went back and things were all well but my stresscup was definitly full.

The day after I hadn't slept well and neither had hubby (wich makes him get more swings). We got into a discussion (nice one though), and hubby was the one triggered by him missunderstanding my intentions. Hubby went upstairs to calm down (he actually managed to not blow up that hard) and I then just remembered every time he's had an outburst att me. I belive that the stress att that point just got me going, the trigger from yesterday in fresch mind.

I agree upon that a diagnos never gives one the right to treat other people badly. I want to try and be more precise om what I ment by boundaries and bipolar;

My hubby is very capable of respecting boundaries, but he must have them form and pointed out because he is not very good att knowing boundaries him self at times of an episode.
When I am triggered I get in a state were My boundaries är complitly gone and I rather just please (to stat alive). This is a bad combination. Stressors so not get me to abandon my boundaries.

I belive se really are alone with our deamons exept from God being for us.

You gave me some to think about, thank you so mutch! I will let it sink in and get back to you.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Awesome. So, just in case you have some time or it's of interest to you, there's an article about Triggers v's Stressors here.

Same with the word "episode". When I say "I'm having a bit of an episode" to my friends, it means I'm feeling a bit different to usual. When I use it here on this site, I use it when I'm having a specific ptsd reaction to something.

Same with bipolar. Is hubby rapid cycling and having ups and downs quickly? Or is he in a manic "episode" atm? As in, is he constantly in a manic state atm?

Boundaries, when communicated assertively, are incredibly helpful. So if you and hubby are good at that, and respecting each others boundaries when they've been communicated clearly, then that's a really powerful tool you can use to improve the situation. Maybe (I'm thinking out loud here!) it would help to let hubby know: my stress cup is full right now, so I need an hour each evening on my own to do a calming activity/go for a jog/curl up in bed and cry etc"...?

Hope things improve for you both soon, I really do. There's a lot of threads here about people needing to ground, relax, and manage stress levels. Starting your own thread, or having a scroll through older threads, may be a source of new ideas for you in the absence of having a therapist atm to offer new suggestions:)
 

Aliana

New Here
Awesome. So, just in case you have some time or it's of interest to you, there's an article about Triggers v's Stressors here.

Same with the word "episode". When I say "I'm having a bit of an episode" to my friends, it means I'm feeling a bit different to usual. When I use it here on this site, I use it when I'm having a specific ptsd reaction to something.

Same with bipolar. Is hubby rapid cycling and having ups and downs quickly? Or is he in a manic "episode" atm? As in, is he constantly in a manic state atm?

Boundaries, when communicated assertively, are incredibly helpful. So if you and hubby are good at that, and respecting each others boundaries when they've been communicated clearly, then that's a really powerful tool you can use to improve the situation. Maybe (I'm thinking out loud here!) it would help to let hubby know: my stress cup is full right now, so I need an hour each evening on my own to do a calming activity/go for a jog/curl up in bed and cry etc"...?

Hope things improve for you both soon, I really do. There's a lot of threads here about people needing to ground, relax, and manage stress levels. Starting your own thread, or having a scroll through older threads, may be a source of new ideas for you in the absence of having a therapist atm to offer new suggestions:)

Thanks for the link, that is some good reading!

He gets mixed episodes and rapid cycling all though his diagnose is type 2 (I find that wierd, he is really not in depression more than manic, it is absolutely the opposite).

Hubby forgets my boundaries at episodes, so it is important for both of us that I reinforce them. For the moment I am in an episode myself though, and get furious when even thinking about how he has been treating me through the years. Still the real me can see that he is not that bad although he is not perfect, but for the moment parts of me want to take a bloody revenge on him right now so that is why I sit still in the boat for the moment and rather reflect on what you say here.

Hubby is also heading into a difficult time right now, which he must sort out alone this time. The best thing I can do is take care of myself, so boundaries for the moment is hard (leave me alone, do not speak to me, trust I love you!). Do I need to mention that the consept of "normal" is useless in this house? ;P

Truth is, I have reason to be angry but not reason to smack his head with a machete. I do not know how angry I really am at HIM, so I am trying to figure this out. Just hoping he is doing alright on his own through, it is an extra stressor that the risks of suicide are so high with bipolar mixed episodes.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Aliana

New Here
Okey, my english is bad but not that bad... I have got some program on my phone that tries to "correct" My post to swedish when i press "post"... Hope that my post still is reedable and trying to put this program on hold.
 

Aliana

New Here
Same is true of bipolar. His bipolar? Is not an excuse to treat you like shit, any more than ptsd gives you a pass to treat him like shit. Making a commitment to getting better? Is key. And for him? That means committing to medication as a key part of managing his illness.


Are these triggers, stressors, both? What a hot mess ptsd is, right!? Yes, our triggers are something we can learn to manage (if a trauma therapist is out, are there cbt or dbt groups you could join?).

But, also remember the stress cup analogy with ptsd? It sounds like yours is full, and you're operating somewhere near stress-capacity all the time. Are there things you can add to your week that help relieve some of your stress levels, and bring your stress baseline down? That will help with management of stressors and triggers.

Some triggers? You actually don't need to learn to put up with, like when someone is just plain treating you like crap.

This is probably where you can make some of the most ground in a really short space of time. So: what sorts of boundaries (real, practical ones) could you maybe put in place with hubby? Brainstorming some ideas perhaps here...?
After reflecting somewhat I have decided that I need a girlscave. Because yes, I can not go in with my stress levels this high all the time, and I now is constantly att a to high state of stress, mostly because I am walking om eggshells, wich I learned from an abuser and that also in it self triggers traumarespons.

So here we go;
I now have a spece that no one is allowed to desturb me in. Now I belive I can do the work on me fully accepting that hubbys episodes är none of my responsibilities, and that I can not hinder his decissions whatever they might be.

Thank you so mutch for your input, it ment a lot!

... And I don't know of links är allowed at this site, but I just now am fixing My girlcave and listen to "Another in the fire" by the worshipgroup Hillsong, just enjoying this feeling of strength that comes so rarely but preciously.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top