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How do you brag about yourself?

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My therapist and I discussed reaching out in terms of 'selling myself', something like putting oneself across in a job interview.
I think that, when life has been pretty crappy for a long time, self esteem tends to be low and, as I feel, it's hard to imagine that anyone would be interested in me as a person.

My tasks have been to:

1. Imagine/pretend that I'm worth the effort - in time I'll come to believe it myself, and also communicate it in my bearing and tone of voice.

2. Reframe my past so that, instead of viewing it through a lense of despair, I imagine talking about events in an interesting or funny way - we all have good stories to tell, even if we don't believe it right now.

Carrying on in 'Victim mode' is a sure way to attract further abusive relationships and the way to break the pattern is to fake it until that identity becomes who we are - until we believe it ourselves. Easy to say, of course.. it's time and practice.
 
@Multitudes that makes sense and those are concrete ideas. “Pretend like I’m worth it”—easier said than done, but I get your point.

@EveHarrington I’m practicing by leaving a message on her voicemail. She said to brag about something. Reaching out to her is practice for reaching out to “real” people so I assume that bragging is something that people do to connect with each other? I think Multitudes explained it well, kind of figuring out how to upsell yourself. How do you get out of victim mode? How do you connect without dropping into “what’s wrong with me”? That kind of stuff.

I was surprised by it—I don’t like the idea of bragging either. My inclination is to say, “I can’t do this.”
 
I guess I’m kind of shocked that she’d use what could be a very off putting kind of behavior as a way for you to connect with people. I can think of a million other ways to connect with someone that don’t involve having to watch the line so to speak.

I don’t ascribe to the “let’s do opposites” as a way of healing. I mean personally I struggle with finding positive attributes, so pulling a complete 180 and bragging would do me no good as my system would balk and I would feel fake.

But no, people don’t truly connect via bragging.

I worry that if you try to brag, you will come off as insecure. People who are secure do not brag. (Outside of job interviews.)
 
Think of it as sharing happy news, things you're proud of, accomplishments, something that made you smile, etc. Because that's exactly what it is.

I so totally rocked that paper! <fist pump>
OMG. Just made amaaaaaazing lasagna. <drool>
The interview? Yep. I killed it. <smug>
Look at my ass in these jeans! Look it! Shazaam baby! <twinkle>
I just got season tickets to (football, opera, quidditch, etc.) <jump up & down>

Bragging isn't just snide sneering I'm better than you, you worthless piece of shit.

You can talk yourself up WITHOUT putting others down.

It's a thing.

Promise.

...and? Most people like being included in other people's happy. They like knowing about good things in your life, or thoughts. Shared joy. <chuckling> Ever seen someone get great news in a crowded place? Total strangers start smiling. Feeling good is contagious.
 
I struggle with finding positive attributes, so pulling a complete 180 and bragging would do me no good as my system would balk and I would feel fake.

Perhaps a different perspective is that children imitate their peers in order to learn to socialise in a way that is consistent and 'normal'. Part of this development period involves trying on various personas until they develop one they find comfortable and that portrays them as they want the world to perceive them. It's mostly subconscious, a mask they wear until they become it.
This is a kind of 'faking it' that is a normal part of the transition from child to adult.

If we suffer trauma from an early age this developmental process is interrupted, perhaps missed altogether. So the adults task then becomes to do it consciously in order to catch up. Of course it will involve failures, rethinking and perseverance until we get it right.
 
I don't like braggers and showoffs


Pretty durn big difference though between BEING bragger/show-off & bragging or showing off. It's like the difference between whining and being a whiner, or complaining and being a complainer.

The whole both ends trying to reach the middle, thing.

If ALL someone does is talk about themselves? (Positively or Negatively) = Problem.
If ALL someone does is talk about others? (Pos or Neg) = Problem
If someone NEVER talks about themselves? = Problem.
If someone NEVER talks about others? = Problem

There's a balance between talking about yourself, and talking about others, and how one does so. It's not a black & white thing where if you EVER talk yourself up? Braggart! I mean, that's often the fear, right? OMG, if I share anything cool about myself I'm a terrible person whose fake and self centered and no-no-no-no-noooooo. Um. Nope. There's this giant huge enourmous grey are of balanced & desireable in between the two extremes.

It's okay to brag a little.
It's okay to whine a little.
It's okay to show-off a little.
It's okay to complain a little.

Good things. All good things in moderation.
Never & Always? = Problems.
On both sides of the extremes.
 
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