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How Do You Deal With Crazy?

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Heather

MyPTSD Pro
My neighbor that moved in a few weeks ago. Took my spare washing machine and is using it as her own. The landlord said I could have it.

She said he told her she could have it. I asked landlord he said they never discussed washer in the basement.

There was an air conditioner left by previous tenant. Landlord said I could have it. It was heavy and I managed to put in hallway. Then it was missing.

New tenant said I stole it from her. I went into her apartment after she signed lease and took it.

That is NOT true. I took it out way before lease was signed.

Then she comes down screaming through my door saying I'm not allowed to talk to tenant on first floor, that I'm harassing her, its elder abuse and she's gonna call the police on me.

I've tried to change my way I deal with people. I used "I" statements.

Obviously it didn't work. I raised my voice but didn't yell and walked away from her when she started screaming.

When she came to my door my daughter opened it and she began screaming. I heard what was going on, came to door and told her if she has a problem she needs to talk to me and not involve my daughter. That's when she started threatening me about getting arrested. I said goodbye and closed the door.

I felt upset and started crying.

My question is: what would you do in that situation? Help.
 
Notify the landlord or notify someone so that there's documentation. Cause it sounds like she will continue this behavior and probably escalate. You need some form of documentation of all this for when she starts accusing you of crazy things (and it sounds like she already is).

Apart from that, if she yells at you, just respond in a completely calm voice, don't raise your voice back. But be firm and end the conversation quickly -- don't engage with her. If I were you, I'd just repeat, "Okay, I understand" over and over. Because then she has no ammunition and nothing to work with. Verbal judo! (that's an actual thing police are trained to use to de-escalate with people who are often crazy). Don't challenge her, don't argue, just say, "Okay. I understand." And she'll probably scream, but then she'll run out of fuel when you don't give her anything back.

You can tell your side of the story to the landlord or someone else, but there's no point engaging with her at all.
 
@Casey_03. Thank you. I notified the landlord. He wouldn't come out tonight but said he'd be by noon tomorrow.

I've been really affected by this. I don't feel safe. I don't want to be reactive. I'm mulling over calling the police, haven't yet.

Would you call police or document like you said then if it escalates then call?

I mean she threatened me.
 
Hmmm it's tricky, because if you notify police I'm guessing they will go talk to her, which will likely then escalate it further. If you think she was serious about the threat, I'd notify them. But if not, and if her threat was that she'd get you arrested (as opposed to her threatening actual bodily harm) it will probably just make things worse.

I'd put it all in writing and be as detailed as you can, and email it to the landlord (or send it in some way so that there's proof you sent it to him in writing, and he can't deny knowing about the situation later).

I wonder if you could call the police non-emergency line and just ask them what to do? Again, if she seemed serious about threatening to hurt you in any way, definitely call the police. But if it was just, "I'm going to get you arrested," then I don't really know that the police would take that seriously anyway.
 
I got a knock on my door this a.m. and it was the cops. Lady upstairs called them.

I asked the police how do you deal with crazy? A lot of what she said was according to the cops nonsense.

I told the police to tell her I want nothing more to do with her. She told them I was harassing Lady downstairs and it was elder abuse...seriously.

I showed the cops a beautiful picture she'd given to my daughter not ten minutes before. So if she wanted nothing to do with us why the picture?

She also didn't tell police she called me an f'ing idiot.

So, I learned how to deal with crazy: DON'T ENGAGE.
 
My neighbor that moved in a few weeks ago. Took my spare washing machine and is using it as her own. T...

There are lots of such crazies out there. Had one of those attempt to contact me with some made up concerns. Turned out she is a prostitute that lives in the apartments, is desperately seeking anyone that can give her some money, and she attempts to steal private information. That one is so crazy that I would never talk to anyone in these apartments, lots of them are her clients, married men with wives who visit during the weirdest times, bondage customers that stop by her place.

Miserable human being that is trying to leach onto anyone she can.

I stay completely away from this bunch of loosers.
 
Sorry that you're dealing with a problem neighbor. I know it is too late to have your lease amended to reflect that the washing machine and air conditioner were given to you by the landlord, but it doesn't hurt to ask. I work in law enforcement and if you were to call the police on this washing machine & air conditioner matter they'll tell you that this is a civil matter and that you'd need to take her to small claims court to either get back the appliances or for her to have to cover the cost of them. I'd chalk it up as loss you should be glad you didn't have to pay for (since they belonged to the landlord and/or previous tenants).

However her screaming at you and threatening you...that is a different story. I would suggest going to your local police department and discussing with them what's going on; specifically any threats or harassment that's happened like her yelling, especially at your child. Tell them that you don't want any contact with her. They may even call her or go over there and tell her that to stop all contact with you. Get it on record. Any time she knocks on your door uninvited, call the police and report her as an unwelcome guest. If she steps foot in your place, call the police for trespassing. Call the landlord too with each incident.

If you see her in the hallway and she starts with you then tell her that you and your daughter don't want any contact with her and that you are prepared to notify the police about harassment if she does not comply. And then follow through - when she tries to bother you again you call the police. Tell them you've told her on such-and-such date that you didn't want any contact with her and then tell them that she continues to harass you. Call right when it is happening. If this crazy woman continues, and every incident has been documented by the police then you may have grounds to ask a Judge for a stay-away order of protection which means she can't have any contact with you or your daughter - not in person, not on the phone, not by mail and not online. If one is granted and she bothers you again then she can be arrested.
 
@Freedomfighter thank you for your advice.

Another incident happened tonight. We can home she was in stairwell with her cat. I ignored her. Went upstairs unlocked door and cat tried to get in my apartment. I said no and blocked cat with my foot, cat walked away. She said, where's my cat?"

I ignored her and closed the door. She starts screaming and swearing. Accusing me of doing something to her cat and threatened to call the police again.

She's a lunatic. I called landlord and she lied to him about first incident saying I called cops on HER! What??!!

I am documenting everything and if it escalates further I will call police right away.

This is such b.s.!
 
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