How do you deal with people who want to fix you?

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EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
How do you deal with people who want to fix you?

I was in a relationship last summer with a fixer and it f*cked me up royally. I’m still dealing with the effects.

I now have a friend who tries to fix me. My core is screaming at me to RUN. I just can’t do this. Not now. I can’t be friends with people who try to fix me. I cannot get mixed up in that kind of dynamic.

What do you when people try to fix you? How do you react?

The last situation is still raw. I don’t think I can be friends with this person. I can’t handle the idea that I’m damaged and need to be fixed in order to be someone’s friend.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
What do you when people try to fix you? How do you react?
A polite non response works for me. A smile and saying nothing for example. Just not engaging with it.

Sometimes you can set a boundary very effectively without saying anything much.

If they don't get the point then telling them you don't like to be fixed. If they persist in trying despite my wishes not to then I'd probably run a mile too.
 

Gs172003

MyPTSD Pro
How do you deal with people who want to fix you?

I was in a relationship last summer with a fixe...
What constitutes fixing and why do you feel the need to run from people that in my opinion go out of their way to help you? Do you think they are going to hurt you in the long run? Just another perspective. Honestly they don't have to care.
I see it as like here. Take what you need and leave the rest. In a romantic relationship it's harder but it can still be done. In a friendship you can just say "ok thanks" and still not do it.

I could be waaaaaay off base. It's early and I'm cranky lol
 
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Swift

MyPTSD Pro
I think there's a difference between wanting to fix and wanting to help.
Applogies for a slight rant following.
People who want to fix don't come from a place of acceptance. They want you to fit into a neat little box, with the idea that once you're 'fixed', by their definition only. The idea is that you're unacceptable as a person, and you will be acceptable once they're done.
People who want to help already accept you. They recognize you're in pain and that's the problem, not your symptoms. They roll up their sleeves and ask "what can we do" rather than sit on a throne in an ivory tower, gesture with their sceptre and say "you must, if you will have entry to my court".
A fixer wants to trot you out as a project for their accolades, wants to be told how good and kind and generous and what a martyr they are.
A helper wants you to get better for your own sake, not theirs.

How do I deal with them?
Fixers, I run a mile with a closed-off, "thanks, I'll keep that in mind" and a subject change to.the weather or something. I don't tell them jack. They act entitled to information, so I don't give them any. I keep them at arm's length, and repeat to myself that politeness is a strong armour.
Unless they're being nosy and I don't know them well, in which case I get deeply sarcastic.
 

Jonnyhi

New Here
Hii Evey, sorry about this, if u ever need strength just ask me
as really difficult as it is, you need to trust people. i know ur in deep pain & i really know u need help,
Try to fix your self i know u proberly dont trust me at the moment
also just to add what helps Please read about Low blood suger (LBS) as this,is very helpful the book goes into more detail, but it really does not help when ur anxiety u have sugar

Keeping your blood sugar good , will help reduce ur anxiety

thank you,. : )
 

Swift

MyPTSD Pro
Okay.
Has he said that's the way it is for him?
I hate to stereotype, but the men in my life are rubbish at emotions. They look for concrete measures of emotion, boxes to check, solutions to have, and they state their opinions like fact when they're emotional.
I don't quite know how to help. Is there something in particular that's made you feel this way, if you're comfortable posting it?
What do you need from me, as an anonymous forum person?
 

Hojay

MyPTSD Pro
He hopes I will be fixed by my therapist so our marriage will be better not because I'm suffering.
I ask myself if these two are mutually exclusive. I too hope that my partner will be helped, for his own sake, but also because I know that our relationship won't last if he doesn't improve for himself. I don't see myself as a fixer, I just know what the prerequisites are for us to function together. Whether or not he agrees, or is willing and able to work on his problems, is in his ball of the court.

This discussion is interesting to me, not least because I've often felt that merely "helping" someone in a relationship, without any sense of what oneself may need from that person to make the relationship work, can quickly veer into co-dependency.
 
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