How do you do it?

JGTRG

Not Active
I suck at relationships. I read post of people who are married, have strong other halves, been together for a long time. Even reading the supporters posts who stand by their partners. How do you do it? I can’t find anyone. I just have a history a real bad relationships, generally with not so good people. I’ve had therapy a long time, I constantly work on myself, I’m generally good, just with odd patches. But I’m constantly working on myself, yet there is no improvement with relationships. How do you guys do it!
 

JGTRG

Not Active
@JGTRG

Can you explain why or which criteria do you use to make that judgement about yourself? (If this is a too direct question I understand if ignored).
I think mostly that I struggle to let anyone close to me. I often, nearly always push people away. I have serious mistrust in people, people that want to get close to me and often wonder what they are ‘out to get’.
 

Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
struggle to let anyone close to me.
serious mistrust in people, people that want to get close to me and often wonder what they are ‘out to get’.
Same here. I think, I try to protect myself doing so.. all my attempts ( Not saying it means the same to you) to be careful, to pull away when someone gets too close, to remain alert and the illusion of selfsufficiency (Not always illusory) is needed in order to save myself because I cannot get wounded again. I’m in a relationship since 2007 and I got married in 2016.. Im going to tell something very corny : I can tell you that there are securely attached human beings in this world that are willing to get to know you and more just the way you are. It’s a rough ride also because there is History repeating now and then, so I need a Lot of guidance, and therapy for the rest of my life due to developmental/relational trauma which is in many ways very hard to deal with.
It also helps that my husband has studied psychology.
 
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GrayOwl

MyPTSD Pro
Aren't both required?
Work on yourself.
Work on relationships.
Just curious.
Isn't there some internal code that needs rewriting?
In addition to effort in the relationship department.
For me it seems to be both. Sometimes intertwined, sometimes separate.
A lot of self honesty. And overcoming fear.
Key word being "working" though.
Effort it is Yoda say.
 
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