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How do you feel things that you don’t want to feel?

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Geez, I wish it was my decision planned at appropriate times, but all my life something has forced me, sometime a push, often a shove to feel my biggest fears. I know so many that simply don't have to face their difficult shiz. I have never been that person. So I guess it is God, the universe or my highest self that keeps tapping me on the shoulder.
 
I avoid my feelings, they usually come when triggered, for example: Anger. When I am angry I don't know what todo with it, how to deal with it. So I avoid it at all costs.

I'm supposed to be trying to work through the triggering things but, again, avoid avoid avoid... out of fear.

My counsellor/case worker has given me these modules for distress tolerance. Supposed to try to help you deal with the emotions. I haven't read through them yet, then the hard part is actually trying to put it into practice, ugh.

It's a steep, uphill, against the wind, battle. The phrase my counsellor uses seems totally true, "two steps forward, one step back" some days it feels like the opposite, "One step forward, two steps back"

Hang in there! We're all in this together in some way or another. <3 <3 <3
 
I’m not sure, but you’ve got my attention.

Feelings that you don’t want to feel... to clarify, you don’t want to, but you feel you need to?

For me... it’s that I want to feel them but can’t get to them because they get squashed or avoided.

I really want to place anger, blame, and shame on my abuser—but there are strong old survival programs that block me. Instead I heap that sh*t on undeserving people and put my masks on.

I really want to let go of that. I’m afraid every time I get close though, and I go back to smiling or transferring.
 
I do everything I can to avoid the feelings I don't want to feel because I am sure it will kill me. But. I'm learning that the only way to heal is to let myself feel them, so I am taking little tiny baby steps in letting them out. I'm not happy about it - but I'm willing to accept that maybe I won't die if I allow myself to feel. maybe.
 
I hide from or often can't access my feelings even though I know they're there. I often feel like one of those water skipper bugs on the surface of a pond with monsters lurking below to eat me if I look too closely at them. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the stuff I've bottled up. I'm slowly releasing it as stuff bubbles to the surface, but the pond remains huge.

Right now in the present though, when I recognize that there is an emotion in me, I give myself permission to feel it, whether it's anger, sadness or simply boredom. It's really scary in some ways, and really freeing in others. I've found that dealing with what I can in the present moment helps me bite off more manageable chunks of progress than feeling like I have to face everything in order to face anything.
 
I'm so numb lately.. I'm not even sure if I should be answering this. Here goes nothing.

I've been forcing myself to feel anything other than sadness or anger. I ate chocolate so I could feel pleasure. I sat in the sun so I could feel warmth. Seems like nothing because it has really small effects. The good feelings go.away quick. But, in any case I'm forcing myself to be a whole human being with varied emotions. I'm not sure if my plan is going to work.
 
I really like what @zombycat said, though anger isn't a big one for me. But that's exactly how I feel/ what I find true/ believe.

But I fear I can't withstand more devastating sorrow. Yet I know it's inevitable before I die because I love deeply. Part of why I struggle with SI, I think, one (large) arm of it. The distress I can handle, the heartbroken-ness I cannot.
 
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@Sietz Little things can and do make a difference. They may not last long, but they leave little 'Chocolate wuz here' graffiti marks over the numbness that you can use to remind yourself that there is more to life than emptiness and suffering.

@Junebug Thank you.

I never thought anger was a big thing for me. My discovery of my anger management issues has been fairly recent. It scares me because I've learned I have yet another tool to hurt those around me with, but I'm slowly learning to harness it to advocate for myself. I never really got angry at my abusers before that, just felt sad and lost and broken, but now I find that I get angry when someone doesn't treat me right. It surprises the hell out of me each and every time. I'm still learning how to properly handle and express that anger, but I get a bit proud when it happens, too because I don't think I've every really stood up for myself before.

I wish there was a cure for heartbreak. I know people say that the heartbreak makes the love that much more precious, but I often think that people only say that because they have no choice but to take one with the other. Unless a person is a masochist, pain sucks, whether it's physical, mental or emotional. What is it about heartbreak in particular that provokes such and anxious response in you? You don't have to share if you don't want to, obviously, but maybe it's something to think about.
 
NB

This isn’t an active avoidance issue where I make any sort of effort to not feel certain things.

This is an issue of not feeling emotions which are dissociative. I cannot tap into them. I can feel them sometimes but they go away shortly.
 
they leave little 'Chocolate wuz here' graffiti marks

This is so sweet and made me laugh. Yay self-compassion! :inlove:

This is an issue of not feeling emotions which are dissociative... I can feel them sometimes but they go away shortly.

The times when you can feel them, is anything different? Also, the fact that you felt them even a little bit is a huge accomplishment!
 
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