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Childhood How do you feel with father's day coming up?

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Renestel

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I know I am no nightmare story here and I guess that's why I wanted to start this. Father's day is tomorrow..... sure to trigger some people with heavy stories and experiences. Me personally, I don't have so much drama with my dad as much as my mom, (I told my mom about my sexual abuse as a 12 yr old and she ignored it, then told her again like, you HAVE to do something about this, didn't. Said it wasn't worth it. Started cutting myself and while that slept for a long time, I've been abusing alcohol since that day. My dad used to be the guy that would do anything for anyone in his family. He helped define my dedication to family I have had and I will take that to the grave. But something in him changed when I asked my mom to come to therapy and finally face what she did to me as a kid a year ago. He now chooses my mom over anyone, and even when she's Clearly wrong he will look at me and say, don't stress her out. Don't make a big deal over this. What the hell happened. I totally respect that he wants her happy, wants her safety and well mind, but he is turning away his own spawn to keep her in this world of I didn't do that much hurt. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am not looking forward to tomorrow and the call I'm supposed to give him, choosing a card for him I was like no I'm not choosing the you're a hero and you're my best friend bs card because we two kids have gotten the shaft the last year so that my mom can live in denial land. I never thought my dad would side with this.
 
This is hard. I'm dad. What can you do? Men are hard or it's hard being a man. My parents and my wife's are gone. We are older now. I don't want to hear it mostly. My wife thinks I'm the bad guy, oh well. I won't live forever, then they'll all need someone else to blame. You don't have to do anything about Father's Day. It's kind of embarrassing. If you don't I'll just feel like well, you couldn't. I get it. I hate giving cards and I hate getting them. I love their mother. Everything else just happened.
 
@Renestel That's a tough situation where you feel like your more supportive parent no longer is. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

So for me, my father neglected me completely. But that also makes it feel more cut and dry for me. I feel zero guilt now of cutting him out of my life. So although all the fathers day stuff kinda bugs me, I can just avoid it.

My mom was the one who was actually loving (at times) but also horribly verbally abusive, and rather unpredictable and unstable. But for a long time, I saw my mother as "the parent who loves me" so she was the good one. And I knew she was like this in part because my father abused her. I'm a lot more conflicted about her, and so mother's day tends to trigger me more because I feel like I have to do something for her but I don't want to. I'm still in contact with my mother (not a lot).

So what I'm trying to say is, it makes sense that you're thinking through this even though your dad wasn't the one with "drama". It's difficult sorting through the positive and negative feelings you have towards him. It is okay to not do anything for father's day. It's also okay to do something. Remember it's your choice.
 
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