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How do you manage to live without something that regulates you?

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It turns out I don't have time for any of my strategies, or I am too frazzled - not just the one I posted about. Yoga? I can't get away. Meditation was always supposed to be a strategy in theory, but I've never done it consistently or well and now it's impossible to relax. Exercise? I can't get away. That's all I've got. I'm also trying very hard to not start my maladaptive strategies, because I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop if I start those.

I feel like I am nothing but a parent now. I don't know how long that's going to last or if that's all I'm going to be or do for the foreseeable future.

Oh, and if you find this to be just hilarious, please keep it to your own damn self. I'm happy to hear advice. I'm not so happy to be a figure of fun.

I think this might be most parent's life. Especially first time parents. It's much harder for those with PTSD.

Do you have a partner or someone that's helping?

I ask because I watch vloggers on youtube called "It's US". The mom of the family has PTSD. The dad does have an out of the home job and the mom is a stay at home mom + both a youtuber with 3 channels.

They have made many videos about PTSD, PTSD with kids, PTSD and couples, and one about overall mental health. They make it a point, every video (even on their vlogs) to say that the mom gets alone time. When the dad comes home from work, he takes their now 3 kids, and she has her alone time. They just got a new service dog prospect but she had no service dog for a long stretch of time (the last one had to be put down) but even with a service dog, she has really highlighted her need for alone time. Time away in the house for a few hours or if just an hour. She gets some sort of quality alone time daily.

Can someone take toddler for an hour or two to give you some time for some of these coping strategies?

I know you said that you didn't want general parenting advise but now that you see yourself a parent, that can really help I think. I am so not a parent but if I were, I would need some alone time.

Also, that some channel highlights independent play. I don't know that much about parenting. I had legal custody of a teenager but never had to parent a toddler. Maybe check out some parenting forums or channels. Ask around. There are loads of parents in your same situation. Even loads of parents in your situation with PTSD.

I am sure it is hard. PTSD does not make it easy on us. Throw in another young life to look after and man! I can feel the struggle.

Also, really, check out some things you can do with toddler that can benefit you too. Legos and slime were just two of the many options out there. Many things made for kids can be really helpful for adults too!
 
Okay, so you say you can't get away, but she does sleep, not at the times you are aiming for, but still more than an adult. Can you take half hour of this time to meditate or do yoga? This isn't permanent. This is new to you all. Once the newness settles down you'll be more comfy being in other rooms, leaving her for short spells alone n just listening for changes etc. I'm not saying you'll become neglectful but you'll get to know her n know how she amuses herself/what to check for/how long you can leave her with smaller amounts of supervision/her sleep pattern etc etc.

It'll get easier. For now, notice the moments you do get. What can you use them for to help you stay regulated?
 
I experience dysregulation/regulation in the same way. Sex really helps quiet the distorted thinking. The distorted thinking happens because I am terrified of intimacy and generally incapable of being vulnerable...so, sex is a powerful means of connection for me and makes me feel safe (not random sex, but sex with my wife).

I have no real experience with replacing sex with something else, but I will say that becoming a father has been a real adjustment for me since most of my trauma is rooted in childhood. It is a real trigger for me, but I am learning and growing and fighting my own demons to try and not repeat the cycle. As my wife and I have grown into parenthood, we are connecting in different ways that are less sexual, yet I still derive a similar sense of safety from it.
 
Someone, at least in my case. There is always someone. What regulates me, you can't do on your own. I answer to someone, I'm not "my own man."

THEN there are the second tier regulatory activities. Jogging, gym, medications iphone etc. Not necessarily in any order.
 
My exact situation is probably not applicable to anyone else here but myself, so I've tried to broaden the topic somewhat.

Here's my exact situation: sex with my wife is a highly regulating activity for me. If it doesn't happen, I get dysregulated. (Yes, I know how problematic that is. All I can say is that I'm working on it.) I'm now in a life situation - temporary or permanent custody of a toddler - that is going to take any kind of sex off the table for a long time. Possibly for years. (Please don't give me "how to have sex if you have a kid" tips - please, just take what I'm saying at face value.)

Here's my broader question: What do you do if you can suddenly not do an activity that helps keep you regulated? Like, if jogging helps keep you regulated and you have to have a knee replacement or something?

this is a very interestig thread. My usual regulating activities were: lots of alcohol, partying, getting into life threatening situations, toxic relationships, moving to a different place. Now that I am trying to find healthy ways to cope, I am trying out a few: walking fast 30 min a day in the morning before breakfast (works well!), reading about ptsd (very soothing), therapy (starting tomorrow), talking with God and praying and listening to him (very uplifting), taking on the challenge of meeting new people now that im aware of my condition, trying to look good (this is always good for the self esteem), I eat very nutrient dense (very importan for brain chemistry), and sometimes i will give in to smething sweet and 2 glasses of wine but very very controlled. My new manias are all health inclined, at least.
 
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