How Do You Say No?

[Manic11]

My partner is on painkillers that are narcotics and I have tried taking them to calm down my anxiety. They work so well to calm down my anxiety. Once I take them my chest opens up and I'm calmer and everything is okay. Such as my partner stays awake until I'm asleep. I feel much safer when he's awake until I go to sleep. When I have taken a pill, it doesn't matter when he goes to bed. I'm okay and I know I can go to bed when I want to and I will be okay.

I have a bad past with being addicted to painkillers and I feel that I have relapsed. I can't go one night without having a pill or at least craving one. When I don't have one my anxiety gets really bad and I get very grumpy and short tempered. I'm already dependent on alcohol. I don't want to be dependent on these pills or alcohol.

Does anyone relate? How do you say no? How do I get past this?

Thanks.

Manic

 

[amethist]

Hi Manic

Have you tried Aromatherapy. My husband refuses to take the strong meds prescribed, as they make him feels so bad when he wakes up. He did try them a few times, even cut them in half, but still felt too bad to function for hours.

I now use 2 different blends for him, depending how bad he is feeling. I just massage a small amount into his back and shoulders. He is away with the faeries in minutes when I do this, plus I get a good nights sleep too.

There is one blend on my blog already, I am going to put the more up very soon.

Give it a try, you may be surprised how well it can work.

Amethist

 

[anni]

I'm afraid I do know what you're talking about. I will not get into it but was in this position and have to watch it since genuinely need the things sometimes for the stupid migraines. Most docs are very unsympathetic- they tend to instantly assume an addict and just stop everything. Mine did not, and gave me a step-down prescription for something less strong and synthetic. It' still a mild narcotic, but it helpded and eventually did not require anything at all. I do still take Benedryl sometimes just to sleep, and seriously- a double tea-bag of chamomile tea honestly does give one a peaceful feeling. It sounds like it shouldn't work but it does, for me, anyway. It's supposed to help sleep, I think? It hasn't done that for me but have to say it definitly does leave me feeling peaceful. I don't think there are harmful side effects, either.

I'm 'lucky' in that alcohol gives me more headaches or no doubt would have used that too-but I did hear somewhere that actually can affect sleep negatively.

I do hope you have a peaceful night soon.

Anni

 

[cherryblossom]

Manic, it does sound like you are having a tough time. Anxiety is the pits, especially when it interfers with sleep. Taking painkillers prescribed for someone else is a dangerous game, especially if you have a history of addictions. It sounds like you are becoming addicted because you say you either take the pills or crave the pills. If you are serious about not taking the pills, then you need to come up with a different coping mechanism, some other way to deal with your anxiety. Aromatherapy is a great suggestion. Breathing exercises, calming thoughts, tranquil music, yoga, physical exercise during the day, warm baths, fruit/herb teas, massage etc. I'm sure it's all things you've heard or read about before. You need to find what works for you, and make a conscious effort to do those things instead of taking pills which weren't prescribed for you or for your anxiety.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, nor am I trying to lecture to you. If you have tried any of the suggestions above in the past, and they haven't helped, I suggest you give things another try. Can your Doctor help, with something less addictive and actually prescribed for anxiety?

And of course, I have to mention therapy, counselling, CBT, to get the route cause of your anxieties, and help you to find solutions.

Finally, will-power. You will need this in abundance, to avoid addiction to these narcotics. But if you really want to not take them you will find a way.

I don't beleive that anything I've written is anything new to you. Maybe just a reminder that there are other ways to overcome your anxieties. Taking the tablets is an instant feeling of calmness for you, so I understand why you would want to take them. We all know that there is no quick-fix to PTSD and all that it encompasses. As I think you know, these meds aren't the answer. I hope you find a better solution.

All the best,
CB

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Hi Manic,

Oh boy I do know! I am currently going through withdrawals trying to break my addiction to painkillers, muscle relaxants, and sleep aids. Bad, bad, bad! My suggestion is to try all the above suggestions multiple times and in different combinations. Find what works, because this addiction crap sure as hell doesn't. Sorry for the little outburst, but please, DO NOT let yourself go back down that road. This is a nightmare!

I am finding listening to music helps me more than anything. I can concentrate on the words the of songs and thier message instead of the craving and desire to take the pills. This may sound strange, but I also do breathing and relaxing exercises, but while I am doing them I visualize my blood cleaning itself out and becoming healthy, and with each breath I exhale I visualize those toxins being released and removed from my body. Makes me not want to contaminate it again. I try to involve as many of my senses as I can in focusing on something else. It helps me.

Having said what helps, I want to make it very clear, it is NOT by any stretch of the imagination easy. Cherryblossom is right on....will-power, lots of will-power! I hope your partner is supportive too, because that is also important. You will get no where if you have someone undermining your efforts. If you haven't already, you probably should have that conversation.

I hope what I said is helpful and not discouraging. I feel strongly about it, as I am in the middle of it myself. I wish you all the strength and courage and will-power you need!

Best Wishes, PH

 

[anni]

I do honestly get what you're saying about the peace you feel when taking one, and how much you wish for that feeling. I sometimes think that's what the whole urge is as much as whatever it is the body ends up craving. I hate to add one more thing-when you're anxious and upset anyway I know it's impossible to concentrate properly so do't mean to overload-sorry! I can honestly say that meditation, as I'm laying in bed at night helps, too. I think a lot of people get put off, thinking it has to be some longgggg thing, and compicated. 'IT' can be whatever you find which gives you peace-Google around to find something which works for you. My thought was, that this drug is merely making something in the chemistry react and feel like that, right? Well, that means somewhere in there is our own, pill-less peace, at a place not too tough to find. It's not the 'high' I liked-in point of fact detest anything which seperates me obviously from being able to feel controlled.I was a very bad pot-smoking hippy, I can tell you! It IS the plain old peace which got me-and find it sometimes without those things.

Sorry if this makes no sense, or little. It's one of those subjects one doesn't talk about at ALL so am not very well-thought out.

 

[bluecat]

Hi Manic,

I have more of an opposite problem in that I get so phobic around my meds I often end up not taking them, so sorry if my suggestion is naive. I don't know if you can fool your own mind, but have you tried a placebo? I've read a bunch of studies on placebo effect and it can be pretty powerful. Apparently even many people who knew they were taking a placebo reported the effects that they were told they should expect with the 'medication'. You could try taking something harmless, like a vitamin pill or aspirin and focus on thinking that its the pill that will make you feel calmer. Its a sort of autohypnosis but taking that make-believe pill might make it easier to convince yourself, since you probably have that action associated with relief. No matter how you fight this, I hope you find what works for you, best of luck!

 

[Manic11]

No, that's a very good point and something I've been thinking about doing. In October, I plan on being sober again. I'm not letting this relapse take me down. But my problem is that I don't abuse this drugs orally. I abuse them by snorting them. So I've been thinking of crushing a pill that's harmless (such a low dose pill of Xanax that are prescribed to me) and not allow myself to do it every night until I can handle myself if I don't snort something every night.
It's the habit more than anything, I think. Such as a smoker needing to occupy their hands or pass bordem, etc. I think it can help and I've learned that writing in my journal when I feel like I want to snort a pill helps a lot. I write down everything I'm feeling and it allows me to straighten out my thoughts and think about why I'm feeling this way and why I want to do this. As in, do these pills really help?
I feel that I'm safe when I take these pills because I feel calm. But I'm still in the same house, doing the same things so the pills don't make me safe. I already am safe and it's just about learning it.
Writing this has even helped. Now how do I get away from the alcohol.... That's a bit harder...

Manic

 

[This Ends Now]

Unfortunately I can relate.

If you want help with a rapid detox I would suggest 20 min in a sauna with a big bottle of water. The sweat will help your body remove the toxins and the heat can help with some (not all) of the physical withdraw.

Staying away is a bit harder. I started a very angry thread on this forum so I could argue with vodka (or the part of myself that was urging me to drink) until the temptation passed. When I felt tempted again I would go back to that thread and yell at that blasted substance again. I know it sounds silly but it really helped me those first few months getting sober.

I would caution against snorting Xanax even at low doses. I know a lot of people who developed very nasty addictions to the stuff that way. Its probably less bad then snorting Oxycontin but its still dangerous. Not sure what I could suggest... for some reason putting Vicks vap-o-rub on my upper lip helped me since that was what I had used in the past to help clean the burn, congestion and drip.... its also just a smell I associate with feeling better.

I feel kinda like I have said too much... but I do hope you feel better soon.

Best wishes,

Liz

 

[Manic11]

Thanks Liz.
I just suggested the Xanax for myself as a helping hand to wean myself off the snorting habit because it's a very lose dose pill (I'm supposed to take 6 pills of Xanax before bed because my doctor messed up the dosage of the pill. They are .5 mg instead of 1 mg pill which they are supposed to be.) and I've been taking Xanax for about 3 years, at least, now. I know that it's definitely better than the other drugs I was taking. The funny thing is though... I'm not addicted to my Xanax. I don't crave it, don't think about it other than trying to remember to take it when I'm supposed to, etc. Sometimes I even forget to take it!
Weird....

Manic

 

[jude]

I understand about wanting the pills to calm down the anxiety. I am also back on alcohol after having years of sobriety. My therapist says he does not know how I did it on my own. I don't either without help but it was not easy. Now I am back to drinking due to abusive issues again. I don't want to get back to depending on pills too. My therapist said he is more concerned with the alcohol mixed with xanax. He wants me off the alcohol? I am afraid of being addicted to the xanax and prozac I take (along with muscle relaxants). I am going on and on but have to say I do relate to what you are saying. I have enough problems without getting dependant on the drugs too.
I have started the relaxation and meditation exercises and I do think it is helping some. I have a problem sleeping too and only get a few hours a night so I know what you are talking about. I use the relaxation or meditation tapes at night and it is helping some
You are not alone in how you are feeling. I hope that is some comfort!

 

[NIKI]

Hi, I am also addicted to pain killer pills, it is the only piece my mind gets from the 24/7 intrustive thoughts about my abusive childhood. I know I need to stop, can not live like this forever...but I am stuck between knowing I need to get help to stop and wanting to continue to take them because they let me be so peacefully numb! NIKI