How far I've come...

Digz

MyPTSD Pro
Today I'm not thinking about how many more things I have to overcome or how many more years of therapy and hard work I have still ahead of me. Today, I'm thinking about how far I've come already since I began therapy many years ago and it is a very good feeling.

I began therapy about a decade ago. I haven't been in therapy constantly for that time, I've had many years break but I'm trying to remind myself that amongst all the stuff I have to face and the things that have gone wrong this year, sometimes it's just as important to look back and think... I have already come so far and be proud.

My first ever therapy appointment was the scariest thing I think I'd ever done or perhaps ever will do. I was so dissociated from everything that when my T asked me to tell him what my parents were like, I couldn't give him an answer. I didn't know and I wasn't willing or able to search my brain. Although he mostly just took a basic background and history, I realise now that those simple questions of what I'm like, my parents are like, my brothers and partner are like formed the most frank conversation I'd ever had about my life. Apart from telling my husband I loved him, I had never said anything serious in conversation about my life... ever. Everything was deflected with jokes, bubbliness and sarcasm. It was so much for me I ended up in hospital due to ridiculously high anxiety later that night. Just those simple questions had triggered me so much and made me so overcome, I couldn't cope.

That's where I began. Completely dissociated from any concept of my past and my abuse, not willing or able to talk about anything serious to do with my life, avoiding everything and everyone that related to my complex trauma. I was just 24 when I walked into that therapist's office for the first time. I had known since I was a teenager that there was something wrong with me, I just never knew what. Over the following two years, my life hung in the balance so many times, I found it hard to engage with my husband I was so traumatised by the emerging memories and confused. I clung to my therapist in all the wrong ways and did a lot of reactionary things, but I survived.

Ten years on I'm dealing with many of the same issues but I am able to keep my life together more than I was then. Back then I had to stop working, now, although I've had a lot of days off sick, I'm still working. I'm still connecting with my husband and nowadays with my son as well. I'm more able to think about and deal with issues, although sometimes really bad new memories still overwhelm me and take a few days to digest.

But, looking back has really made me realise how different I am, how much better the place I'm in now is despite the upheavals of this year and how much stronger I am. It's made me realise that I use so many strategies I've learnt over the years that I didn't have back then, without even realising it. It's made me realise today, that despite all the crap there are so many things going right in my life, I am so blessed with a lovely husband, child and a great T to support me. I'm so glad I took the time to look back today. 😁
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
A very positive look at the things you have accomplished. I think sometimes we get so focused on what we need to do 'next' that we forget what we have already done.

Made me feel good inside to read your progress. And we do take those learned strategies and implement them into our lives without realizing it or how they are helping.

Thank you for this very positive and uplifting share!!!
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
Today I'm not thinking about how many more things I have to overcome or how many more years of therapy and hard work I have still ahead of me. Today, I'm thinking about how far I've come already since I began therapy many years ago and it is a very good feeling.

I began therapy about a decade ago. I haven't been in therapy constantly for that time, I've had many years break but I'm trying to remind myself that amongst all the stuff I have to face and the things that have gone wrong this year, sometimes it's just as important to look back and think... I have already come so far and be proud.

My first ever therapy appointment was the scariest thing I think I'd ever done or perhaps ever will do. I was so dissociated from everything that when my T asked me to tell him what my parents were like, I couldn't give him an answer. I didn't know and I wasn't willing or able to search my brain. Although he mostly just took a basic background and history, I realise now that those simple questions of what I'm like, my parents are like, my brothers and partner are like formed the most frank conversation I'd ever had about my life. Apart from telling my husband I loved him, I had never said anything serious in conversation about my life... ever. Everything was deflected with jokes, bubbliness and sarcasm. It was so much for me I ended up in hospital due to ridiculously high anxiety later that night. Just those simple questions had triggered me so much and made me so overcome, I couldn't cope.

That's where I began. Completely dissociated from any concept of my past and my abuse, not willing or able to talk about anything serious to do with my life, avoiding everything and everyone that related to my complex trauma. I was just 24 when I walked into that therapist's office for the first time. I had known since I was a teenager that there was something wrong with me, I just never knew what. Over the following two years, my life hung in the balance so many times, I found it hard to engage with my husband I was so traumatised by the emerging memories and confused. I clung to my therapist in all the wrong ways and did a lot of reactionary things, but I survived.

Ten years on I'm dealing with many of the same issues but I am able to keep my life together more than I was then. Back then I had to stop working, now, although I've had a lot of days off sick, I'm still working. I'm still connecting with my husband and nowadays with my son as well. I'm more able to think about and deal with issues, although sometimes really bad new memories still overwhelm me and take a few days to digest.

But, looking back has really made me realise how different I am, how much better the place I'm in now is despite the upheavals of this year and how much stronger I am. It's made me realise that I use so many strategies I've learnt over the years that I didn't have back then, without even realising it. It's made me realise today, that despite all the crap there are so many things going right in my life, I am so blessed with a lovely husband, child and a great T to support me. I'm so glad I took the time to look back today. 😁
Wow @Digz! You've come a long way. Congrats big time!

Thanks for sharing. Your progress gives me hope.

Woodsy1
 

talon

Confident
Today I'm not thinking about how many more things I have to overcome or how many more years of therapy and hard work I have still ahead of me. Today, I'm thinking about how far I've come already since I began therapy many years ago and it is a very good feeling.

I began therapy about a decade ago. I haven't been in therapy constantly for that time, I've had many years break but I'm trying to remind myself that amongst all the stuff I have to face and the things that have gone wrong this year, sometimes it's just as important to look back and think... I have already come so far and be proud.

My first ever therapy appointment was the scariest thing I think I'd ever done or perhaps ever will do. I was so dissociated from everything that when my T asked me to tell him what my parents were like, I couldn't give him an answer. I didn't know and I wasn't willing or able to search my brain. Although he mostly just took a basic background and history, I realise now that those simple questions of what I'm like, my parents are like, my brothers and partner are like formed the most frank conversation I'd ever had about my life. Apart from telling my husband I loved him, I had never said anything serious in conversation about my life... ever. Everything was deflected with jokes, bubbliness and sarcasm. It was so much for me I ended up in hospital due to ridiculously high anxiety later that night. Just those simple questions had triggered me so much and made me so overcome, I couldn't cope.

That's where I began. Completely dissociated from any concept of my past and my abuse, not willing or able to talk about anything serious to do with my life, avoiding everything and everyone that related to my complex trauma. I was just 24 when I walked into that therapist's office for the first time. I had known since I was a teenager that there was something wrong with me, I just never knew what. Over the following two years, my life hung in the balance so many times, I found it hard to engage with my husband I was so traumatised by the emerging memories and confused. I clung to my therapist in all the wrong ways and did a lot of reactionary things, but I survived.

Ten years on I'm dealing with many of the same issues but I am able to keep my life together more than I was then. Back then I had to stop working, now, although I've had a lot of days off sick, I'm still working. I'm still connecting with my husband and nowadays with my son as well. I'm more able to think about and deal with issues, although sometimes really bad new memories still overwhelm me and take a few days to digest.

But, looking back has really made me realise how different I am, how much better the place I'm in now is despite the upheavals of this year and how much stronger I am. It's made me realise that I use so many strategies I've learnt over the years that I didn't have back then, without even realising it. It's made me realise today, that despite all the crap there are so many things going right in my life, I am so blessed with a lovely husband, child and a great T to support me. I'm so glad I took the time to look back today. 😁
i am glad for you the best revenge is to get better
 
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