How is child me taking over partly supposed to help me cope with past abuse???

Lilac98

MyPTSD Pro
I got told by an online counsellor from kooth that pinkie taking over is how I deal with past sexual abuse. But it stresses me out randomly feeling like I'm 5 and like I'm also still normal me and pinkie keeps popping out and wanting to act like a child and scribble in my journals when I don't want to make them messy. And I hate randomly feeling like an unsafe child and feeling really sad and helpless. I don't get how it's helping me deal with past abuse by feeling like pinkie keeps appearing in my head alongside me and keeps feeling things I don't want to feel and doing things I don't want to do but also do as pinkie cause I have both thoughts in my head at the same time.
 

Friday

Moderator
And I hate randomly feeling like an unsafe child and feeling really sad and helpless.
I hate randomly feeling like I’m 17, or 19, or 22… feeling like I’m physically fit, able to take on any kind of physical challenge or demand; with 6-8 figures in misc. banks totally capable of handling any kind of financial challenge or demand; with friends/allies/lovers scattered all over the globe capable of meeting any kind of “I need you. Now.” kind of challenge or demand.

But?

That’s just what PTSD does. It brings the past forward. As if it’s real. Right now. When it’s not.

Until?

That trauma has been processed and instead of the past logging as present, it’s relegated to memory of been & done.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@Lilac98 - ultimately, it's important that you remember that YOU are all the parts of you. So, when you feel like Pinkie is "taking over"? That's simply an aspect of your own personality moving into the foreground. And if you don't like how that feels, it's really OK to shift your focus back to yourself, in the present moment.
pinkie keeps popping out and wanting to act like a child and scribble in my journals when I don't want to make them messy. And I hate randomly feeling like an unsafe child and feeling really sad and helpless.
This is something I'd encourage you to try addressing. One of the things that therapy helps with is simply limiting the time around when a person gives themselves permission to think about the tough things. I know you're still working on getting proper mental health support - but you can still set a schedule for yourself. Set a timer, and only spend 30 minutes writing in the journal you have for Pinkie. Then, put it away, and try and stay away from it for a few days.

It might be hard at first - but it's an important part of learning to manage your own thoughts and feelings, so that you aren't letting that sadness take over whenever it starts to arise. if that makes sense.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
it's rude to answer a question with a question, but how is repressing and denying those emotions going to lead you to healing?

a recurring theme in my own healing journey is that each time i drop a defensive mechanism, such as denial and repression of a particular event, i experience a whelming gush of those repressed memories and emotions. during that initial gush, all i can do is find an anchor and hold on for dear life. once that initial gush passes, i can get to work on remediating the disaster scene.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you find what works for you.
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
I don't get how it's helping me deal with past abuse by feeling like pinkie keeps appearing in my head alongside me and keeps feeling things I don't want to feel and doing things I don't want to do but also do as pinkie cause I have both thoughts in my head at the same time.
It helped me a fair bit when I understood that my 'parts' were popping in and out because I was conflicted for some reason. Either that or I had a burning need for safety and a part of myself was feeling very unsafe in a particular situation.

This process is all about getting to know oneself in a way that most don't ever get to. It allows us to find out how we may be conflicted and resolve those conflicts. It helps us understand that we may be in unsafe situations and that we need to rectify that for ourselves.

And really, at the end of the day it is mostly about getting ourselves to self love and self acceptance. It allows us to take our young selves that may have been corrupted by an adult(s) in our lives and make our own decisions about what we want in our lives. A chance to make our own healthy life decisions rather than be driven by the voices and actions of our abusers.
 

Lilac98

MyPTSD Pro
it's rude to answer a question with a question, but how is repressing and denying those emotions going to lead you to healing?

a recurring theme in my own healing journey is that each time i drop a defensive mechanism, such as denial and repression of a particular event, i experience a whelming gush of those repressed memories and emotions. during that initial gush, all i can do is find an anchor and hold on for dear life. once that initial gush passes, i can get to work on remediating the disaster scene.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you find what works for you.
I didn't say I was repressing or denying anything???
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Heavy duty! Excellent answers. This ran my life. I was just writing about it in my own journal. Trying to understand my feelings from the past when I was repressed. I was in panic mode always, fight or flight, that someone would see that other part of me . I didn’t know it though. I knew something was wrong . There was a real struggle too for who was running things . So I understand the part about being taken over . I think it’s good though you are so far along, I spent about 40 years with this and all I could do was think what’s wrong with me? and I wasn’t the only one saying it . Failure to flourish.
Good thread .
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
I didn't say I was repressing or denying anything
This
I hate randomly… feeling really sad and helpless.
And this
keeps feeling things I don't want to feel
Sound like
repressing and denying those emotions
Since your current self is blocking the emotions related to your child abuse, then a part of you manifests (pinkie) to bring those emotions forward in an effort to process them.

Repression is helpful when you are a child or unable as an adult to do the work of grieving. You may not be ready, and pushing yourself will typically not help.

I think it’s good that you are orienting your awareness toward the parts and what they are trying to express. It’s uncomfortable but like Joey little said you can set limits for what you will allow, thereby not ignoring the child parts, but setting boundaries for how long you will listen to them. A child part won’t go away, so putting boundaries on her won’t make her disappear, but it might make her settle.
 

Lilac98

MyPTSD Pro
This

And this

Sound like

Since your current self is blocking the emotions related to your child abuse, then a part of you manifests (pinkie) to bring those emotions forward in an effort to process them.

Repression is helpful when you are a child or unable as an adult to do the work of grieving. You may not be ready, and pushing yourself will typically not help.

I think it’s good that you are orienting your awareness toward the parts and what they are trying to express. It’s uncomfortable but like Joey little said you can set limits for what you will allow, thereby not ignoring the child parts, but setting boundaries for how long you will listen to them. A child part won’t go away, so putting boundaries on her won’t make her disappear, but it might make her settle.
My autism worker said I am obsessed with my abuse and nightmares which I would say I'm just trying to make sense of it but whatever you'd call it I'm always thinking about things so I don't get why pinkie appeared?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
thereby not ignoring the child parts, but setting boundaries for how long you will listen to them.

this works for more recently traumatized, still young children, as well. with my 3 foster kids, i augment those boundaries for how many times an hour they can bring the subject up. wallowing in ^it^ won't help, my wounded dear. be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. i more often change the subject with a childish distraction than i tell them to shut up or attempt to explain grown-up psychobabble.

as i continue practicing play therapy with them, i find i, too, respond well to the gentle distractions of child's play.
where'd i leave my fidget spinner? pop-its are all the elementary school rage this season, so i get to spin the fidgets all i want. . .
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
When my child part came out (knowing it was my child me), I bought her her own journal to write in and some other comforting things. I gave her time to express herself (my child self) and thus was able to set a boundary on when she could come out. I would also picture myself holding her and giving her love and compassion so eventually she became a part of me. I did this with a trauma therapist. I still get flashbacks and nightmares, but not as much as before. I think this really helped a lot. Hope it can help you.
 
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