DharmaGirl
MyPTSD Pro
I've been thinking a lot about triggers and have been wondering how much is our responsibility to control, and how much we can expect others to change for our sake.
I always encourage people to learn their triggers and work on controlling them. I know I get triggered into a flashback, and after years of practice I can ground myself to a certain extent. On another site someone posted that their boyfriend triggers them. I asked what he specifically does to trigger her, and she didn't respond. It makes me think that if the presence of a person triggers you, how can you love that person? Is it just that the word "trigger" has a different meaning in popular culture?
I believe that my triggers are my responsibility. If something triggers me, I ground myself as best I can, and then I work on it in therapy. I know I have been working on it for 7 years, and a lot of folks are just learning, but how much should one expect others to change their behavior? I had a friend who was abusive to me for decades, but I couldn't leave it alone. She worked in a facility for behaviorally challenged, mentally ill folks, and she would talk about one of them in a voice dripping with disgust and hatred. I asked her not to talk about him around me, because at the time I was being triggered over and over by that. She would talk about the people she worked for with such disrespect and hatred, that I just kept thinking how horrible she was making their lives. How horrible people had made mine. At the time, I was unable to handle it so I removed myself from the friendship, if you can call it that. Was it ok to ask her not to talk about that one person? She talked about it even more after that. I have healed a lot since then, and if it happened today, I would just hang up if she couldn't deal with my boundaries.
How much do you believe is your responsibility to handle? Do you think loved ones should change their innocent behaviors to accommodate you, and if so, how long can you expect them to do that? Do you actively work on triggers that you've asked other people to stop doing? I can see both sides but I'm wondering what everyone thinks.
I always encourage people to learn their triggers and work on controlling them. I know I get triggered into a flashback, and after years of practice I can ground myself to a certain extent. On another site someone posted that their boyfriend triggers them. I asked what he specifically does to trigger her, and she didn't respond. It makes me think that if the presence of a person triggers you, how can you love that person? Is it just that the word "trigger" has a different meaning in popular culture?
I believe that my triggers are my responsibility. If something triggers me, I ground myself as best I can, and then I work on it in therapy. I know I have been working on it for 7 years, and a lot of folks are just learning, but how much should one expect others to change their behavior? I had a friend who was abusive to me for decades, but I couldn't leave it alone. She worked in a facility for behaviorally challenged, mentally ill folks, and she would talk about one of them in a voice dripping with disgust and hatred. I asked her not to talk about him around me, because at the time I was being triggered over and over by that. She would talk about the people she worked for with such disrespect and hatred, that I just kept thinking how horrible she was making their lives. How horrible people had made mine. At the time, I was unable to handle it so I removed myself from the friendship, if you can call it that. Was it ok to ask her not to talk about that one person? She talked about it even more after that. I have healed a lot since then, and if it happened today, I would just hang up if she couldn't deal with my boundaries.
How much do you believe is your responsibility to handle? Do you think loved ones should change their innocent behaviors to accommodate you, and if so, how long can you expect them to do that? Do you actively work on triggers that you've asked other people to stop doing? I can see both sides but I'm wondering what everyone thinks.