How much detail to share with T?

Brownie3

New Here
Hi everyone. I’m wondering how much detail of your trauma do you share with your T? I’ve only shared details once regarding one SA instance and it was surprisingly a huge relief to me to say it out loud. I haven’t ever told anyone about my SA. Not even my partner. So this was a very difficult thing to do. I don’t want to burden T with details, but maybe they are used to that and it doesn’t bother them? Also, my T often points out that my voice and manerisms reverts back to a child when I talk about my SA. Does this sound familiar/is this normal? I just don’t know if I’m doing this right. It’s sooo scary and I can’t get my T to give me a rundown on how this works. I feel like I’m doing it wrong....
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone. I’m wondering how much detail of your trauma do you share with your T? I’ve only shared details once regarding one SA instance and it was surprisingly a huge relief to me to say it out loud. I haven’t ever told anyone about my SA. Not even my partner. So this was a very difficult thing to do. I don’t want to burden T with details, but maybe they are used to that and it doesn’t bother them? Also, my T often points out that my voice and manerisms reverts back to a child when I talk about my SA. Does this sound familiar/is this normal? I just don’t know if I’m doing this right. It’s sooo scary and I can’t get my T to give me a rundown on how this works. I feel like I’m doing it wrong....
My T said it's not my job to worry about her and that sharing my pain is my pain, it's not painful for her. So basically: say what you need to. They can take it.

Sometimes it's hard to say some words or go into detail. My T says then that we can talk around it.
But also, like you have expressed, sometimes saying the words can be really powerful and helpful.

Maybe talk to your therapist about all this? They can help guide you.
 

grief

Sponsor
I can’t get my T to give me a rundown on how this works. I feel like I’m doing it wrong....
you aren't. your therapist isn't giving you a guide book because there isn't one. everybody engages with therapy in a different way. a good therapist will meet you where you are at and help you form your own conclusions. however you feel comfortable expressing your trauma is distinct and unique. and there is nothing incorrect about it. it sounds like you are holding a lot of memories from childhood.

it makes sense that you would revert in some way. i have noticed that i swerve into that periodically as well. whenever i get really locked into something my speech patterns will change-not noticeably, but i notice it. and it is something i notice with other people here as well. especially if that trauma had occurred at a younger age. your brain processed it at that time and you are remembering that process. not wrong, normal.

similarly to you there is a lot of paranoia and worry that my therapist will be harmed by listening to me discuss my trauma. this is something that you will need to work through with your therapist. for me it was helpful to get a history of my therapist's experiences and training. that made me feel that she was competent and had the requisite background to be capable of coping with working with that.

but generally speaking trauma therapists do receive training on how to engage with hearing trauma. it is her job to worry about her emotions. and if she cannot handle it, she will refer you out.
 

Freddyt

Confident
Also, my T often points out that my voice and manerisms reverts back to a child when I talk about my SA. Does this sound familiar/is this normal? I just don’t know if I’m doing this right. It’s sooo scary and I can’t get my T to give me a rundown on how this works. I feel like I’m doing it wrong....
I found out that when I think about why and what I feel about the things my T points out I find answers. That was how we dug up my trauma memory. It was something I couldn't have consciously remember because it was hidden, buried in my mind. For me reliving what happened in that hospital bed with both eyes bandaged, sandbags holding my head still, in crushing pain on my T's couch 45 years later was vivid, painful, soul disturbing, and frightening.

You are never doing it wrong. Trust enough to share what hurts. Trust the therapy they are giving you. Trust that your T is a trained professional and wants to help you.

And come back here. I have learned more about living with PTSD here than anywhere else. There is compassion that comes from suffering, courage from fear, wisdom from experience, and more than a few shoulders to lean on when life is hard.
 

Freddyt

Confident
We have all been there @Brownie 3. It's really scary when it all goes off. There is so much going on and you have no idea whats going on. Almost everyone here shows up with the same stuff going on. What has helped me most lately is learning to live with what I got. This place has helped a lot with that.

Matter of fact I just learned I should stay away from being descriptive with my trauma....

Welcome to the forum BTW!!!🙂
 

Friday

Moderator
I don’t want to burden T with details, but maybe they are used to that
Not used to that. Trained for that. As in, that’s their job.

It’s like not wanting to burden your doctor with exposing them to your illness. Whether it’s contagious, or stinky, or under your clothes that would need to be taken off to be examined... you don’t not see your doctor because you don’t want to be shedding virus in their office, or taking off your shirt in front of someone you don’t live with, or the cut is festering and stinks, right? That’s WHEN you go see your doc. Because that’s their job. And they’ve trained for it.

Trauma therapists are trained to deal with trauma. If they didn’t want to be dealing with trauma they could have trained to be a therapist who works with autistic kids, or the elderly, or marriage & family therapy... or not even gone into clinical work, at all, but stay in academia, or research. Or, heck, not work in psych at all.

It’s not your job to manage your therapist’s career choices. Really.

Worry about not burdening friends and family members with things they’re not trained or equipped to handle at all, much less gracefully. Not people it’s their avocation that they’ve spent over a decade in school and supervision learning how to do. :)
 

Starfire

Confident
you aren't. your therapist isn't giving you a guide book because there isn't one. everybody engages with therapy in a different way. a good therapist will meet you where you are at and help you form your own conclusions. however you feel comfortable expressing your trauma is distinct and unique. and there is nothing incorrect about it. it sounds like you are holding a lot of memories from childhood.

it makes sense that you would revert in some way. i have noticed that i swerve into that periodically as well. whenever i get really locked into something my speech patterns will change-not noticeably, but i notice it. and it is something i notice with other people here as well. especially if that trauma had occurred at a younger age. your brain processed it at that time and you are remembering that process. not wrong, normal.

similarly to you there is a lot of paranoia and worry that my therapist will be harmed by listening to me discuss my trauma. this is something that you will need to work through with your therapist. for me it was helpful to get a history of my therapist's experiences and training. that made me feel that she was competent and had the requisite background to be capable of coping with working with that.

but generally speaking trauma therapists do receive training on how to engage with hearing trauma. it is her job to worry about her emotions. and if she cannot handle it, she will refer you out.

Hi @Brownie3 You can talk to your therapist about absolutely anything. Like @Friday said, that's their job. Don't hold back. My counsellor said to me "I can talk about the colour of the bricks and wallpaper if I like". That's what their being paid for! 😁
My therapist said years ago, that if there were something he didn't want to hear or couldn't handle, he would tell me. He's told me he's so sorry those things were done to me. But after a substantial amount of time, he has yet to say he didn't want to hear it or he couldn't handle it. I read that to mean he's heard it all before and probably worse.
 
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Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
Infrequently, when someone reflects on how much detail they wish to share with their therapist, the question can be a surface one. I found for myself that I was also asking myself can I trust this therapist (or another)? Can I trust myself not to feel guilty, or shameful, or even not to lose control? Can I put myself back together after the 40, 50 minute session? Sometimes, I didn’t really want to face the nightmare situation or have my T look at me different.

Therapy for me has become like a dance. Once I decide I want this dance partner, my dance-steps are taken forward, back tracking, sideways or can be frozen for a pause. It is the nature of my movement. So perhaps you may also be asking… is it time for your voice or story to be told? If you are ready… and only as you are ready, may you always reach for your dancing shoes in any free style form that heals you. Make that T keep up! Lol
Take care and happy healing.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Infrequently, when someone reflects on how much detail they wish to share with their therapist, the question can be a surface one. I found for myself that I was also asking myself can I trust this therapist (or another)? Can I trust myself not to feel guilty, or shameful, or even not to lose control? Can I put myself back together after the 40, 50 minute session? Sometimes, I didn’t really want to face the nightmare situation or have my T look at me different.

Therapy for me has become like a dance. Once I decide I want this dance partner, my dance-steps are taken forward, back tracking, sideways or can be frozen for a pause. It is the nature of my movement. So perhaps you may also be asking… is it time for your voice or story to be told? If you are ready… and only as you are ready, may you always reach for your dancing shoes in any free style form that heals you. Make that T keep up! Lol
Take care and happy healing.
I really like your dancing analogy @Recovery4Me . It's beautifully put and takes the pain out of it.
 
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