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How My Ex Gave Me Ptsd

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kr15xt3n

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I'm a 20 year old girl and I had an experience with a sociopath, or so I think he was one. This traumatic experience actually gave me post traumatic stress disorder.

A few years ago, My senior year of high school I started to talk to this boy in my class named Jon. Everyone loved him, he was the most popular guy in my school. He was really good at talking to people, had the charm, very funny, always knew what to say. I first noticed a red flag when before we started dating, Out of nowhere, Jon came over to me and cut off a piece of my hair. I freaked out, and started crying and asked why he did that. He said "Because its funny" and he could obviously see I was very upset. The hair he cut was VERY noticeable. He didn't care and just laughed at me and left me crying by myself. He showed no sympathy at all. After all that, I just thought maybe he was just being stupid and playing a dumb joke.

I continued to talk to him and I eventually told him I liked him and wanted to date. He told me to meet him at his house the next day to talk about it in person. I went to his house, and he confessed that he had liked me also but didn't want to start a relationship. He gave me a pity party story about his ex, and how he got played by this other girl in my school before me and broke his heart. I said, "but I like you and want to be with you so why don't we be together?" His mood completely changed and he said "because I just can't date you" and he walked away. I started crying hysterically, while he left me alone on a side of a road. He told me he had to leave to go buy his prom tuxedo. I said, why do you have to leave now? we haven't finished talking about this. He goes "because I told you I'm done with this conversation, I like you, but I am never dating you, Now I have to go".

I hysterically cried for about an hour and a half when I received a phone call from him. He goes, "Hey, can we talk?" I said "we just talked. what more do you want to talk about?" he says, "you'll see, meet me in the parking lot of food town in 15 minutes". So I went. There in that parking lot he said he had "changed" his mind about dating me and asked me out. I was thrilled. He was my first boyfriend. The thing about Jon was, he is super religious (or so he says). He told me the only way I could date him is if I read the bible with him and pray with him. I did that because I really liked him, and I am sort of religious.

Everything was going super great in our relationship until I started to see more red flags. Jon claimed he loved to "hike" so he would always take me in the woods to read the bible with him and talk about God. Yet, every time we were in the woods he would take advantage of me and sexually abuse me. After he would do that, he said that I was a sinner. That what we did was sinful and the devil's work. He told me I was going to hell for doing that with him, even though he was the one who instigated it. He lied to his friends about our relationship. He said he didn't want them to "judge" us. I went along, of course because at the time I really liked him.

After this happened I found out something very shocking about Jon. One night he pulls me aside and says, "we cannot make out any more or do anything sexual" I asked why not? he goes, "I was sexually molested by one of my family members after my dad died". I was shocked and hugged him and I said I respect your wishes. The next day, he tried to touch me and make out with me. I said, "Jon.. you told me we can't do this any more, and I'm okay with that". Jon goes, "No. I promise. I want to do this. Please". he kept begging me and I said no. Eventually, he molested me and forced himself on me. After that happened, 5 minutes later he kicked me out and broke up with me. He told me, "I never liked you. I just used you like I was used. I don't have emotion for anyone. I can't feel. I'm numb. I don't know how to feel. I never loved you or my mom or my family. I don't know how to love." Then I start crying and blaming him for all the hurt that's caused me. I didn't even phase him. He didn't seem to care at all. He said that I was the reason he's dumping me because I remind him of being molested and that I'm going to hell.

After hysterically crying over an hour, Jon comes up to me and goes "I changed my mind. I'll get back together with you if you do one thing for me." "what do you want?" I asked. He says " you have to sign this contract I'm going to make. We can't kiss for a year. We can't lay next to each other for 2 years. We have to pray every time we hang out. We have to read the bible. We have to live by Jesus's way." Stupid me, I signed it. (and took a picture of it, thank god. for proof). I leave his house, relieved that we didn't break up. An hour later, he calls me. He says, "we need to talk". I asked, "about what?" He asked me to meet him in a parking lot to talk. I went, and there he is with all of his friends. I asked "whats going on?" He said he is breaking up with me again, and that the contract was fake and he didn't actually want to be with me, and never did.

He humiliated me in front of all his friends and embarrassed me. I cried and became severely depressed. He didn't care at all and blamed everything on me when I didn't do anything. After the breakup, I told all his fiends about this contract he made me sign. They asked Jon about it, and Jon denied everything. He said I was lying, even though I took a picture of it as proof. He said I'm crazy and a crazy ex gf.

Weeks go by, and I get a text from Jon stating he wants to be friends again. I still liked him. Stupidly, I said OK. We hung out after, and he said "lets go somewhere a little more private." I didn't know why he wanted to go somewhere private but I went along... He took me to a dark alley and started touching me. "What are you doing?" I asked. He goes, "I miss you. I still like you." I said "no you don't, you said you never liked me..." he continued to touch me and manipulated me to think he liked me and wanted to be with me so I gave in. After I gave in, he left me. He said he never liked me and just used me for sex.

This went on for about 4 months. he emotionally, mentally, and sexually abused me. Now I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. I don't really know whether this classifies him as a sociopath or not, but I feel that he is. He had no remorse for his actions. He did not care about my feelings one bit and he pretended to like me our whole entire relationship. I really appreciate you listening to my story.

- K
 
Hi there and welcome! First of all let me tell you how sorry I am for that hurt. I'll tell you a story that's a little similar that happened to me.

I was 23 and had been married for 5 years to my high school sweetheart. Well after about a year of marriage he began beating me and honestly at first I felt like it was all my fault. Time after time I endured horrific emotional and physical abuse. I was slapped, punched, spit on, pushed out of a moving car and even hit while I was pregnant with our son.

Why did I stay? Well my mother was dead and my father and I weren't close and no siblings, so I felt alone and trapped. Looking for a way out I chose to go online cause in my head that was the only way was to meet another man. Someone who would protect me and just make then hitting stop. I was totally against cheating but gosh I just needed someone and low and behold I met a guy online. I guess it was no surprise but I poured my heart out to him and he seemed to care and we started growing day after day a little closer. He was 22 divorced and two kids and a lieutenant firefighter. We met and I felt safe and we had sex. This went on for awhile and some red flags went up but I was so vulnerable, I needed him. First his cell phone didn't get service at his house. Then he had bought me a very nice lingerie set to wear for valentines day and wanted to make sure it was the right size and so he asked my breast size. Then he was a lieutenant and he drove at that time a brand new 2006 Ford.

One lie after another and I ate it all up. Wasn't till the end I found out all of his lies and he was still married. I had separated from my husband when I met this guy cause I felt it was right. I found out after he received pictures of what I looked like his buddies at the firehouse bet him he couldn't sleep with me, so he took that bet and he won. Good for him huh? He had no new truck and he was no lieutenant but a volunteer firefighter who worked in a factory. Oh and that lingerie, i never saw it.I found out it all when I talked to his wife personally.

I was so warped honestly. I felt numb and confused on how mean someone could be to another human being. I didn't wanna live because all of my life I had been hurt by every man I came in contact with. My dad hit me growing up a lot, my husband beat me and I tried to escape and that guy used me.

My husband begged me to come back to him and I agreed feeling defeated and worthless and said he'd change, he didn't. I thought well there's nothing out there for me and with what I just went through I swore no one would get my heart again, it wasn't worth the pain of being hurt again. For 6 years I shut down mentally. I went through the abuse and motions of my marriage and played the part of a happy wife. My heart was closed, black and I was bitter on the inside.

Then the unthinkable happened, I met a guy who melted it. I can't even explain it to you but I was dead on the inside and it's like he breathed life into me. At first I hated him for it because I didn't want to want anyone ever again. He wasn't trying to win my heart because he'd been hurt to. It just happened like magic.

I can honestly tell you that through meeting this man I not only got over what that guy did to me 100% but I got out of an abusive marriage. I realized that I loved this man and it felt so good that I couldn't walk away from it and just settle for living my life feeling dead inside when I had felt the awesomeness of that connection. He made me stronger and taught me a lot and he is why I am apart of this forum. He is an ex marine and has PTSD and he is honestly the most genuine man I've ever met. I feel so lucky to have met him.

My point in this is to tell you that I know it hurts but someday someone will walk in your life and make you forget that hurt. I guarantee it! I could pass that guy who used me in the street today and I wouldn't feel hurt, sad, anger, nothing because I got over it and you will to!
 
This guy very much sounds like a sociopath. They are usually incredibly charming, well-liked and manipulative. He even pulled a pity play on you with stories of being molested, which is a classic sociopath move. Look up "The Sociopath Next Door" if you want to learn more about sociopathy. I sincerely hope you completely cut all ties with him, and remind yourself that he lacks the most essential human decency and can only bring you harm. The only way to beat a sociopath at his game is to not play it at all. Also, if you don't have one, please find yourself a good trauma therapist. Good luck. :)
 
Oh goodness. I hope you never have contact with this person again. He is a rather scary sounding person. I'm sorry you had these experiences.
 
I had a really really similar problem as well.

My ex would make me feel like people were thinking I was weird or crazy, but of course he was making it up. Are first fight was over how to cook ground beef and when I said I add water so the beef wouldn't burn he told his mom and they both laughed at me saying that was dumb.

He would joke about how stupid I was and have a smile on his face but sometimes I think he was serious.... and when I said something had hurt he would tell me I couldn't take a joke and get his friends to say that also... I always felt ganged up on.... he cheated on me a ton of times but I stayed with him due to his good manipulation skills....

He manipulated me into having sex with him. he would force himself on me but at the same time I felt he loved me when he did that and I wanted to have sex after awhile. In fact he convinced me I liked rape..... I started to believe shit and I felt trapped because he said that no one else would treat me as good as he did.

He always said we were meant to be and then end up hurting me after weeks of being with him. He was very emotionally abusive but I felt I asked for it by staying with him. I felt trapped because I loved him but I knew if I left he had me believe no one else would love me back.

Honestly the manipulation is the worse because no one understands how when a guy looks at you with those eyes you feel like everything will be okay. and people wonder why you fall for it, they need to be in your shoes because you're not stupid for getting back with him I understand. It's really, really confusing. but I hope u don't ever talk to him again.
 
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