• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

How to be gentle on yourself when a friend flakes

Status
Not open for further replies.

Rose White

MyPTSD Pro
I was supposed to meet my friend. She flaked, probably forgot. Sitting in my car writing this.

So many questions in my mind!

What is the gentlest thing I could do for myself right now?

Why didn’t I confirm last night or earlier today? Was I subconsciously hoping that it wouldn’t happen? Was I testing her?

How can I hold her accountable when I really want to take all the blame? Taking all the blame is a way of trying to control my feelings and the outcome. I can only take 50% of the blame, but I don’t really know what that feels like.

I have done this before myself to a dear friend. When she texted me that she had arrived I apologized and jumped in the car and went to meet her in spite of being over 20 minutes late. I felt awful, but she was very gracious.

I don’t want to go home and face my family. They saw me getting ready. I put makeup on for the first time in decades. Just mascara, thank god. I borrowed my mom’s blow dryer which I haven’t done in forever. I would feel so ashamed. I want to just stay out and not tell them that she never showed up. Like go to a movie by myself or a show.

If I was looking forward to it so much why didn’t I confirm with her ahead of time? :banghead:

How do I be gentle on myself?
 
I'm sorry this happened to you! Go get your favorite dessert somewhere and maybe do a little shopping. Alot of stores have awesome clearance sales now. You can just tell your (judgmental) family you went to the mall together. I like hanging out it book stores. It's a great way to kill time and educational.

You're not alone. My "friends" did this alot through the years. We used to call it "flashing". So n so flashed on me.

Now when we make plans if we're not sure we can make it we give "odds". I'm 50/50 or 75/25. It gives us a better picture of what could happen. Sometimes sh*t happens but we always let the other person know what's up. It comes with maturity.

Try to have a good night. XO
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top