Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
I was supposed to meet my friend. She flaked, probably forgot. Sitting in my car writing this.
So many questions in my mind!
What is the gentlest thing I could do for myself right now?
Why didn’t I confirm last night or earlier today? Was I subconsciously hoping that it wouldn’t happen? Was I testing her?
How can I hold her accountable when I really want to take all the blame? Taking all the blame is a way of trying to control my feelings and the outcome. I can only take 50% of the blame, but I don’t really know what that feels like.
I have done this before myself to a dear friend. When she texted me that she had arrived I apologized and jumped in the car and went to meet her in spite of being over 20 minutes late. I felt awful, but she was very gracious.
I don’t want to go home and face my family. They saw me getting ready. I put makeup on for the first time in decades. Just mascara, thank god. I borrowed my mom’s blow dryer which I haven’t done in forever. I would feel so ashamed. I want to just stay out and not tell them that she never showed up. Like go to a movie by myself or a show.
If I was looking forward to it so much why didn’t I confirm with her ahead of time? :banghead:
How do I be gentle on myself?
So many questions in my mind!
What is the gentlest thing I could do for myself right now?
Why didn’t I confirm last night or earlier today? Was I subconsciously hoping that it wouldn’t happen? Was I testing her?
How can I hold her accountable when I really want to take all the blame? Taking all the blame is a way of trying to control my feelings and the outcome. I can only take 50% of the blame, but I don’t really know what that feels like.
I have done this before myself to a dear friend. When she texted me that she had arrived I apologized and jumped in the car and went to meet her in spite of being over 20 minutes late. I felt awful, but she was very gracious.
I don’t want to go home and face my family. They saw me getting ready. I put makeup on for the first time in decades. Just mascara, thank god. I borrowed my mom’s blow dryer which I haven’t done in forever. I would feel so ashamed. I want to just stay out and not tell them that she never showed up. Like go to a movie by myself or a show.
If I was looking forward to it so much why didn’t I confirm with her ahead of time? :banghead:
How do I be gentle on myself?