Hello all, new to the group here. I’ve been suffering with this horrible disorder since June of 2016, when my father was nearly killed in a natural disaster (flood). I was at work when the water came up, and could not get to the neighborhood to get to him due to the water blocking all the interstate exits (it was called “a thousand-year” flood due to the unheard of levels of flooding in the state). I lost cell service and dropped the call with him right as he was telling me that the water was at his chin in his living room, and that his house was about to be ripped off the foundation. I sat on the interstate in a traffic jam for nearly two-hours waiting to be able to get off the highway and make it back to the neighborhood, expecting the worst and he would be gone, washed downstream, never to be seen again. He is disabled and couldn’t have gotten out if he wanted to, and nobody, including emergency responders, were able to access the area due to the high water. By the grace of God, his house broke apart and the corner room he was in got lodged between a telephone pole and tree, and someone in the neighborhood with equipment and a rope was able to free him through a window. . I didn’t know this during the whole time I was trapped on the highway in traffic, and it was the biggest relief EVER when I got there and found out he was alive. Many, many others were not so fortunate and lost their lives to the flood that day.
However, I’ve never stopped being in the fight-or-flight mode since that phone call, and was diagnosed with PTSD shortly after. It has been relentless in torturing me with intrusive thoughts, memories and nightmares that set-in days after the event took place. I did well after about six-months with managing the symptoms with therapy and medications, but this summer, around the “anniversary” of the event, it’s all returned as if it happened yesterday. I can’t seem to shake it and I’m as-bad as I was then, constantly miserable and have even been depressed since June, even though I know it’s in the past. Does everyone else experience this intermittently from their trauma?! The severe anxiety, hyper vigilance, and other symptoms have always been present, but I’ve been able to function well and the medications have kept the edge off, and I seemed to have lost the intrusive thoughts/constant ruminating until this year. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve been reading this forum for a while, and I know a lot of you have been through worse, but this has destroyed my life and is doing it again. Any feedback is welcome.
PS, to add, there have been many traumas in my life prior to this that lead up to this one (I’m 34-years old), which now all seem to come back to haunt my memory, but this just happened to be the “straw that broke the camel’s back”. I watched a house foundation fall on him 1.5y before this disaster, which nearly took his life that day. Now, I constantly worry that something bad is going to happen to him at all times. I have had ADHD my whole life, and I think a lot anyway, but this constant fear keeps me so stressed that I can barely function and have no quality of life anymore.
However, I’ve never stopped being in the fight-or-flight mode since that phone call, and was diagnosed with PTSD shortly after. It has been relentless in torturing me with intrusive thoughts, memories and nightmares that set-in days after the event took place. I did well after about six-months with managing the symptoms with therapy and medications, but this summer, around the “anniversary” of the event, it’s all returned as if it happened yesterday. I can’t seem to shake it and I’m as-bad as I was then, constantly miserable and have even been depressed since June, even though I know it’s in the past. Does everyone else experience this intermittently from their trauma?! The severe anxiety, hyper vigilance, and other symptoms have always been present, but I’ve been able to function well and the medications have kept the edge off, and I seemed to have lost the intrusive thoughts/constant ruminating until this year. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve been reading this forum for a while, and I know a lot of you have been through worse, but this has destroyed my life and is doing it again. Any feedback is welcome.
PS, to add, there have been many traumas in my life prior to this that lead up to this one (I’m 34-years old), which now all seem to come back to haunt my memory, but this just happened to be the “straw that broke the camel’s back”. I watched a house foundation fall on him 1.5y before this disaster, which nearly took his life that day. Now, I constantly worry that something bad is going to happen to him at all times. I have had ADHD my whole life, and I think a lot anyway, but this constant fear keeps me so stressed that I can barely function and have no quality of life anymore.