How to diffuse a trigger you can't fully avoid or take time with?

[SeekingAfrica]

In this case, I mean job applications. For example today I spend 2-3 hours organizing my job search, applying to 2-3 positions. Then I spend a couple of hours talking to a friend trying to help me with my CV and potential interview questions and now I feel too blocked to continue for the day.

What I have done so far is:
-trying to slowly set a self-care routine at the start of my day so that I know I'm putting extra care towards keeping my anxiety in check
-starting to break down the aspects of the job search in bits so it's not 1 big overwhelming part but different steps

What else can I do so I don't self-trigger myself daily?
I'll try to make some block schedule (as in, some time job hunting, some working on skills or brainstorming etc.) and try to journal on thought patterns to try to figure out why job search is so huuugely triggering for me. Like this talk with my friend, it was super useful as it needed to be done, but it made me soooo set off, it feels like if I spend even 5min more trying to apply or even think about it, I'll burst in tears or get in a panic attack. I feel like I'm barely keeping it together and need to self-care immediately before I fully fall apart. It would be nice if I don't have to do that daily.
Anything else I can do?

 

[somerandomguy]

I would say applying for 2-3 positions a day is a lot, especially since you are approaching them with care. Maybe something would be to realize that you don't have to continue that pace. Some days you might apply for one job. Others you might apply for more. Can you be satisfied with your pace?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I would say applying for 2-3 positions a day is a lot, especially since you are approaching them with care. Maybe something would be to realize that you don't have to continue that pace. Some days you might apply for one job. Others you might apply for more. Can you be satisfied with your pace?

You're probably right. I thought it wasn't much, but then I guess combined with working on re-branding myself (organizing myself, working on redoing my CV) may have been more than I could handle in a day. It just feels like I don't have a second to lose (again, anxiety talking).
On the other hand I triggered myself really badly it seems. Because sometimes there are triggers that pass by the morning the next day. This one, the intense part right away was over the same day... but I've been spiraling ever since. Until yesterday I reached a super dark point. It got bad enough that I got to where I had to stop my day and concentrate on just getting through that day. And wondering if I could, if there was a point, if anything ever got better. Today is better in a sense that I'm out of the dark cloud... but I still was almost useless today, work-wise. And I ...earn what I work off(side projects while job hunting). So I could have worked all day on my side projects and earned something more. Or, I could have applied to jobs. But I did some organising myself, and maybe 1 hour of work, and I'm wiped. It's been a rough week (well, let's face it, month- but especially the weekend)...Sorry for the rant. Trying to get myself together. I will. It's just... taking me a moment.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think taking a moment is completely reasonable. You've been going at it really hard. Could you take a couple days off to just relax and do something for yourself?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

O

I think taking a moment is completely reasonable. You've been going at it really hard. Could you take a couple days off to just relax and do something for yourself?

Objectively? I really shouldn't. I need new income streams,asap. But,also objectively,what if I need the me time to be more effective in job hunting? There is something due end of day tomorrow,and I took the evening off today. If I can push through having a regular work tomorrow,then maaaybe I can take a day off for my health then. I am walking a really thin line between what I need physically (income,job hunting) and what I need for my mental health,which does not seem great currently. I hope I can find the right balance soon. This week was so rough. Thank you for the kind responses,it does help.