How to handle when a therapist self-discloses suddenly?

J

JediKit

You have to now censor yourself in therapy.
This was/is my greatest fear. Giving someone else my nightmares. Traumatizing someone else. Logically, I know therapists have heard it all. My stuffs can't be that bad. They've heard it all. I know, cuz I've heard and seen a lot just in my profession. Which is why I went into my profession; physician heal thyself, right?

I was just dumb by sitting back on the couch and saying what I did. Some stories don't need to be told. Or heard. They need to die with us. 7 years was too long walking on egg shells trying therapy. Maybe there's some of us that bring out the worst in therapists and cant be healed. I don't know. I'm just musing.

The too-muchness up in my head feels way too loud tonight. Please don't be sorry. You people, this board is an incredible service for people. Thank YOU!!!

I just need the noise to settle down. SI is a crutch, I get it. And I had been fine without it for years until I made the therapist self disclose with my dumb admittance. And I sat back and accidentally got comfortable. For some, there is no comfortable. Or safe. Its all good though. It'll be quiet soon. Thanks people. Even if I'm not your tribe, you listened. Thank you, hope everyone has a good night.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
This was/is my greatest fear. Giving someone else my nightmares. Traumatizing someone else. Logically, I know therapists have heard it all. My stuffs can't be that bad. They've heard it all. I know, cuz I've heard and seen a lot just in my profession. Which is why I went into my profession; physician heal thyself, right?

I was just dumb by sitting back on the couch and saying what I did. Some stories don't need to be told. Or heard. They need to die with us. 7 years was too long walking on egg shells trying therapy. Maybe there's some of us that bring out the worst in therapists and cant be healed. I don't know. I'm just musing.

The too-muchness up in my head feels way too loud tonight. Please don't be sorry. You people, this board is an incredible service for people. Thank YOU!!!

I just need the noise to settle down. SI is a crutch, I get it. And I had been fine without it for years until I made the therapist self disclose with my dumb admittance. And I sat back and accidentally got comfortable. For some, there is no comfortable. Or safe. Its all good though. It'll be quiet soon. Thanks people. Even if I'm not your tribe, you listened. Thank you, hope everyone has a good night.
You weren't at all dumb by sitting back and saying what you did. You are in therapy and you have the right to say whatever you need to.
You should "accidentally get comfortable". It wasn't you that made this interaction not go the way it should. It was your T.

If you had hired a decorator and you said you wanted the walls painted blue and they painted them green. Would you be accepting that?
It's interesting that we give T's so much more room for error than we do another person whose services we require.

I may be getting too passionate about this, but I hope you can see this was not you. You can find a T who responds in the way you need when you express what you need.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
She told me to stop reading things online about how therapy is supposed to go
The f*ck? I kinda get where she is coming from but it just seems really manipulative to me. Like she just wants to tell you how therapy is and not allow you to research that on your own.

Either way it seems she gives two f*cks about your feelings nor did she even go down that path of talking about them and figuring that out. A good therapist would listened and even maybe spent the entire session on that alone as it's effecting your so much.


Dang, I don't wanna ask to go back to the other therapist, or even another one there, because that would just mess up everyone's relationship
Don't worry about their relationship. That is on them to figure out. You have a therapist there you already trust, right? This therapist isn't working out. Jump at that chance to go back to the old one because trust building (at least for me) takes an extremely long amount of time and can be very hard to do. Why not go back to that old therapist? Again, their relationship and feelings about it is on them, not you!
 
so I just said that I'm not gonna get too comfortable and sit back on the couch and say things I shouldn't again. She said that she noticed that, and that was fair.
It's NOT fair. It's not fair to you. You SHOULD be able to say anything you want or need to in therapy. In essence you now have agreed to protect your T's feelings and your T's time - two things you should NOT be doing.

IMO, time for a new T. This one has let you down.
 

Freemartin

Sponsor
Maybe there's some of us that bring out the worst in therapists and cant be healed.
Or maybe there’s some of us that bring out the worst in T’s and can be healed?
My particular trauma, or the ramifications thereof, seem to take me and my T’s in really difficult territory. I, or my stuff, trigger quite unhelpful responses in therapists, and we need to sort those out afterwards. That’s the nature of f*cked-up attachment trauma, I’ve been told.

This said, some T’s are up to the task, some aren’t. The difference between them isn’t whether or not the unhelpful responses get triggered (to some degree yes, but not totally) but with whom they can be sorted out. With my former T, they couldn’t be, and thus our work together ended up hurting me more. Whereas with this one? Completely different story. She owns her mistakes like no-one’s business. She’s really awesome apologizing and learning from things that go sideways.

So, even if you happen to be a person who brings out the worst in T’s? You can be healed, and you deserve the help you need.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
First I am sorry about this invalidation experience. That is what it sounded to me.
what caught my eye though is this:
in a good way she added. She said her disclosure was a good thing, that it was a part of her history, that it was a part of what made her her, had become a part of who she is, and she purposely was trying to build rapport in sharing. That she had found meaning in what happened, and that it didn't hurt her anymore; just her family. And that her sharing with me was very intentional.
Any self-disclosure (from therapy sausage) is that it is for the benefit of the client not the benefit of the therapist. - so for this therapist to doubledown theirs reasons for the disclosure sounds to me - fail.
Another thing from therapy sausage is this - a rupture is good way to grow and recognize what is us and what is others and repair accordingly and most therapists this should be truly their core job - repairing and healing the person in the room with them (their own repair and healing can wait their own therapists); so in essence, it seems to me this therapist again focused on their feelings rather than what this experience actually means for you (the focus should have been about your reaction not their intention - which failed). At the end, it sounds like the disclosure was badly timed at minimum according to you - the most important person that was targeted for this information and again they failed to recognize that.

I do not have any wise words to pass except that I feel your feelings and reactions have a meaning and I am sorry this person may not be able to decipher that with you having you in mind (not their ego).
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I think I'm just not doing this right.
There really is no "right" in therapy for the client. You go, you say what you have to say. She, however, has all kinds of right behavior she needs to adhere to, and she isn't. This is NOT on you.
You weren't at all dumb by sitting back and saying what you did. You are in therapy and you have the right to say whatever you need to.
You should "accidentally get comfortable". It wasn't you that made this interaction not go the way it should. It was your T.
^THIS^
 
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