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How to have trust in therapy again?

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by Sietz, May 18, 2018 at 4:20 AM.

  1. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    I have a really bad resistance to being treated, some of it because I'm used to being the victim and its convenient, some of it because I've had a really hard time with Ts, pdocs, nurses, GPs, you name it.

    This last T really screwed with my head. She first told me I don't have any mental illness, then told me I do but handle diagnoses poorly (not true btw), then implied that I needed her to function, but didn't give me any tools to handle myself.
    And more, but let's leave it at that.

    Previous T hit on me and was very unsafe in general.
    Before him another T, during the time of one of my abuses, that didn't help me get out of the situation at all.
    Before him a T I don't even remember his face of what was talked about.
    There were also others in between, but never moved further than first session so they don't really count.

    I'm now in a waiting list for a T my pdoc referred me to and I really need to deal with this resistance and at the same time be able to spot red flags.

    I don't know how to approach this.
    I don't want another failure.
    Any insights ?

    Thank you in advance.
     
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  3. bellbird

    bellbird Active Member

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    Oh my god @Sietz . You have every reason to be resistant after what you've been through.

    You can use your past experiences to allow you to keep an eye out for any red flags, and to pace yourself, but try to remind yourself that this T is a new person. And even though your past experiences have been awful, there is no reason why this T will be the same.

    I really hope it goes well for you, please keep us updated :)
     
  4. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    Thank you @bellbird

    I'll write it down and take it with me, glue it behind the T so I can look at it and not panic at the slightest thing. Lol
    My pdoc told me "you know Sietz, they're all going to have flaws".. So yeah. Need to keep this in mind.

    I just spotted a lot of typos in my first post, I apologize, will try to proof read better :unsure:
     
  5. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    @bellbird said exactly what I was thinking.

    I would suggest (because it’s not me ;) ) to raise it with this T as a priority. Let the T help you with the work.
     
    blackemerald1, bellbird and Sietz like this.
  6. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    I would, really. It's what I want to do anyway. Did that with last T, actually.. Became too vulnerable. Didn't work out.
    I can try again though and handle the consequences if it doesn't work out. Feels like setting myself up for failure, but maybe this is a distortion.

    I'm still not entirely sure of the damage all these years have done to me.
     
  7. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I’m not one to talk. I don’t do vulnerable. Especially not with my T. And if it gets too close there’s always dissociation ;)

    I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Maybe baby steps, tiny ones, is enough.
     
  8. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    I’m heartened that your PDoc is giving you a recommendation by the way. I’m hopeful that means they will be better skilled than your previous Ts. Note that this is NOT your responsibility but your Ts.
     
    blackemerald1, bellbird and Sietz like this.
  9. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    Maybe by the fifth appointment I can bring the attention to the resistance, not open up with it? I don't do vulnerable well either.
    There are other things that should be priorities right now, such as decline in functionality for example.

    Thanks guys.
     
  10. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    If it helps at all....after 18 months we are back to functionality. My T realised we were going too fast and I’m such a newbie that I had NFI. Enough of the flashbacks, anxiety, I dissociation, nightmares and memory loss. Last week - after a 3 week break - I was so angry with my T and so close to quitting it wasn’t funny. But today’s session was relatively ok (hurrah for avoidance lol) although I still slept for 4 hours when I got home. My Window of Tolerance is about the size of a toothpick.

    I think the other thing to write on a big piece of paper is “rupture is an opportunity for repair” Ugh.
     
  11. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    That does help.
    I don't know about being too fast in my case .. we were basing therapy in denial... As in... My father wasn't abusive, my mother is, my abuses are behind me, I don't have a mental illness, if my mom has no money the solution is to ask her for more money... Man ... This T was all over the place. Lol Led me to bottle everything up and explode inwards into lack of functionality and worsening of symptoms.

    Bah, thanks for letting me vent.
     
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  12. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    Vent away!!!

    In my case I’m the one in denial. T has learned not to go there. For now.
     
    blackemerald1, bellbird and Sietz like this.
  13. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    Ah yeah. Been there. Sucks so much. So much cognitive dissonance.
     
    blackemerald1, bellbird and MyWillow like this.
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