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General How to help abused daughter

Thread starter #1
Hi there -
looking to ask for advice on how best to look after my teenage daughter.

we found out a few months ago that her step sister had been abused by family member. My daughter has just confided to me that the same was done to her by her grandfather, with whom she used to have a good Relationship with.

She has engaged in very early (but consensual) sexual activity with boyfriends, and other high risk behaviour (serious drinking and drugs); self harm and pretty bad depression and anxiety.

she has been seeing a therapist for over a year and does seem to be making progress. But her depression and sense of self worth is so low, it breaks my heart.

We have a family session with the therapist next week. But would appreciate any advice you guys may have (either as supporters or survivors) on how/what I can do to help her more? She’s been trying so hard to get better but I’m so worried it will de-rail her education and other things that can have potentially life long impacts. She has recurring nightmares and can’t stop thinking about what happened (which makes total sense as this is all coming out for the first time). Should we look into putting her on medication?

Thanks so much for your advice
 
#2
Hi @Mammo, I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter, and to you. It must be so heartbreaking for you. The fact she has told you, shows what an amazing relationship you have with her. The fact you are on here asking for advice about how to help her, shows you are a parent who wants to do their utmost best.

It's really positive she has therapy and is processing. There may very well be ups and downs on that journey.

You're helping her to re-build her self worth. Everyone might respond differently, but for me the sense of worthiness was stolen through sexual abuse. Because the person that harms in that way doesn't consider the person they are harming at all. At least that is how I felt: not worthy of consideration. Which made me do a lot of risky things (risky sex, drugs, drink etc). Things that confirmed my belief I was not worthy.

What she has in you, a parent who cares, who shows that she is worthy of consideration, love, respect, care, will help heal her. Help to re-build her sense of self and automny.
It's so positive that you have family Therapy.
Does she tell you what she needs from you?

I can't answer the question about medication.

Sorry you are all going through this.
 
Thread starter #3
Hi @Mammo, I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter, and to you. It must be so heartbreaking for you. The fact she has told you, shows what an amazing relationship you have with her. The fact you are on here asking for advice about how to help her, shows you are a parent who wants to do their utmost best.

It's really positive she has therapy and is processing. There may very well be ups and downs on that journey.

You're helping her to re-build her self worth. Everyone might respond differently, but for me the sense of worthiness was stolen through sexual abuse. Because the person that harms in that way doesn't consider the person they are harming at all. At least that is how I felt: not worthy of consideration. Which made me do a lot of risky things (risky sex, drugs, drink etc). Things that confirmed my belief I was not worthy.

What she has in you, a parent who cares, who shows that she is worthy of consideration, love, respect, care, will help heal her. Help to re-build her sense of self and automny.
It's so positive that you have family Therapy.
Does she tell you what she needs from you?

I can't answer the question about medication.

Sorry you are all going through this.
Hi moving forward
thanks for replying so quickly and your kind response. She’s not got a great track record of being able to articulate what her needs are. Tends to keep things bottled up.

Do you by any chance know if there’s any books for teenagers that covers trauma?
thanks again
 
#4
There are a lot on Amazon. Does she want books? Does she find some words easier to attribute to her and her experiences than others? Some books use different terminology. If some things are triggering for her, it might be that another book that phrases things differently might be better. Is it a conversation you think you can have with her/she is open too?

Re: difficulty with expressing herself and bottling things up. I suppose some of that is being a teenager? And some might be confusion about how she feels and how to use words to explain it and how to make all those emotional connections? And some might be just wanting to not deal with it, to just be a teenager who isn't going through all this?
 
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