SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
I've been doing better for a while. I mean the global situation sort of rocked my equilibrium a bit, but after the quarantine times ended things got slowly better. However I've been having physical issues(bad sciatica) and then I had to travel for documents, which at this time is extra stressful. And then... I don't know. My back pain kept going worse, there was an empty space between work projects, few problems happened and... I don't know. It was normal issues and I dealed with them in my normal ways. Extra physical pain, some more stress but I thought I was pushing through it. I was eating badly and watching more TV than usual, but generally pushing through. Even had progress on 2 personal tasks I had been avoiding for years.
And then it somehow slowly started taking a grip on me. Taking few extra hours for myself. Going to bed early. Allowing myself to skip alarms. Skipping exercise. Eating whatever. Small things I barely noticed and somehow they piled up and I'm finding myself in this week. Had to skip my usual cleaning side job because my back pain was really bad and cancelling last moment created blinding anxiety moment. And then...I don't know. I'm getting up later and later, going to bed earlier and earlier. Pushing appointments, errands and tasks, those that allow it. Napping in the day. Getting back in bed(work from home, makes it easier).
I keep telling myself it's ok to give myself time. It will get better. But it gets worse. It's like I'm on a slippery slope towards a depression flare. And I need to get it under control before it gets too bad. And clearly whatever I've been doing isn't working. And I just feel so tempted to comfort myself, eat whatever or buy myself something I enjoy but the comfort food only made it worse, I think. I feel like I shouldn't write on here, because 'it's not bad enough yet'. But then again, I don't want to leave it until it does get bad enough. I've worked hard to get to a more stable place in all aspects of my life and I don't want to slip backwards. More than I already have, I mean.
And then it somehow slowly started taking a grip on me. Taking few extra hours for myself. Going to bed early. Allowing myself to skip alarms. Skipping exercise. Eating whatever. Small things I barely noticed and somehow they piled up and I'm finding myself in this week. Had to skip my usual cleaning side job because my back pain was really bad and cancelling last moment created blinding anxiety moment. And then...I don't know. I'm getting up later and later, going to bed earlier and earlier. Pushing appointments, errands and tasks, those that allow it. Napping in the day. Getting back in bed(work from home, makes it easier).
I keep telling myself it's ok to give myself time. It will get better. But it gets worse. It's like I'm on a slippery slope towards a depression flare. And I need to get it under control before it gets too bad. And clearly whatever I've been doing isn't working. And I just feel so tempted to comfort myself, eat whatever or buy myself something I enjoy but the comfort food only made it worse, I think. I feel like I shouldn't write on here, because 'it's not bad enough yet'. But then again, I don't want to leave it until it does get bad enough. I've worked hard to get to a more stable place in all aspects of my life and I don't want to slip backwards. More than I already have, I mean.