How to keep it together on higher depression weeks?

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I've been doing better for a while. I mean the global situation sort of rocked my equilibrium a bit, but after the quarantine times ended things got slowly better. However I've been having physical issues(bad sciatica) and then I had to travel for documents, which at this time is extra stressful. And then... I don't know. My back pain kept going worse, there was an empty space between work projects, few problems happened and... I don't know. It was normal issues and I dealed with them in my normal ways. Extra physical pain, some more stress but I thought I was pushing through it. I was eating badly and watching more TV than usual, but generally pushing through. Even had progress on 2 personal tasks I had been avoiding for years.
And then it somehow slowly started taking a grip on me. Taking few extra hours for myself. Going to bed early. Allowing myself to skip alarms. Skipping exercise. Eating whatever. Small things I barely noticed and somehow they piled up and I'm finding myself in this week. Had to skip my usual cleaning side job because my back pain was really bad and cancelling last moment created blinding anxiety moment. And then...I don't know. I'm getting up later and later, going to bed earlier and earlier. Pushing appointments, errands and tasks, those that allow it. Napping in the day. Getting back in bed(work from home, makes it easier).

I keep telling myself it's ok to give myself time. It will get better. But it gets worse. It's like I'm on a slippery slope towards a depression flare. And I need to get it under control before it gets too bad. And clearly whatever I've been doing isn't working. And I just feel so tempted to comfort myself, eat whatever or buy myself something I enjoy but the comfort food only made it worse, I think. I feel like I shouldn't write on here, because 'it's not bad enough yet'. But then again, I don't want to leave it until it does get bad enough. I've worked hard to get to a more stable place in all aspects of my life and I don't want to slip backwards. More than I already have, I mean.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I've been doing better for a while. I mean the global situation sort of rocked my equilibrium a bit, but after the quarantine times ended things got slowly better. However I've been having physical issues(bad sciatica) and then I had to travel for documents, which at this time is extra stressful. And then... I don't know. My back pain kept going worse, there was an empty space between work projects, few problems happened and... I don't know. It was normal issues and I dealed with them in my normal ways. Extra physical pain, some more stress but I thought I was pushing through it. I was eating badly and watching more TV than usual, but generally pushing through. Even had progress on 2 personal tasks I had been avoiding for years.
And then it somehow slowly started taking a grip on me. Taking few extra hours for myself. Going to bed early. Allowing myself to skip alarms. Skipping exercise. Eating whatever. Small things I barely noticed and somehow they piled up and I'm finding myself in this week. Had to skip my usual cleaning side job because my back pain was really bad and cancelling last moment created blinding anxiety moment. And then...I don't know. I'm getting up later and later, going to bed earlier and earlier. Pushing appointments, errands and tasks, those that allow it. Napping in the day. Getting back in bed(work from home, makes it easier).

I keep telling myself it's ok to give myself time. It will get better. But it gets worse. It's like I'm on a slippery slope towards a depression flare. And I need to get it under control before it gets too bad. And clearly whatever I've been doing isn't working. And I just feel so tempted to comfort myself, eat whatever or buy myself something I enjoy but the comfort food only made it worse, I think. I feel like I shouldn't write on here, because 'it's not bad enough yet'. But then again, I don't want to leave it until it does get bad enough. I've worked hard to get to a more stable place in all aspects of my life and I don't want to slip backwards. More than I already have, I mean.
It's great you acknowledged it! When I backslide, then realize it....at the can't stand it anymore gotta do something stage, I make a list of things I'll do to combat my negative lazy behavior and things to positively reinforce it. So, for weight/eating issues I put on my list to weigh myself each morning....focus first thing in the day, and the scale is a form of measuring progress. I have a protein shake 1st thing (I add milk to Premier Protein shakes and they are high in protein, great nutrition for the brain, and I get a lot of energy in the morning-great substitute if you are not a breakfast eater because there is no cooking involved). I put on my list whatever exercise I have planned for the day. Make my bed as soon as I get up...that goes on the list....because I end up in bed throughout the day if I don't....those cozy covers call to me when I don't. I do much less movement when I'm in bed. Ladee gave me a good suggestion....to do chores like dishes in the morning...that that is helpful in keeping a schedule or routine. I try to plan a couple of fun things or things I feel satisfaction in doing. I set a time that I allow myself back in bed.....and create a list of things that have to get done during the day that require movement.....expending calories.....besides exercise time. I don't do anything that will help me dissociate or get away from life until about 9pm.....then I can climb in bed and watch TV. I reward myself at this time too...kind of evaluate my progress at the end of the day by checking off all the things on my list I accomplished.....if I didn't check them earlier in the day. Because TV can be a dissociative. experience for me....the TV is the last thing I'll do in a day.....and now, sometimes not at all. From my personal experience, and I've been struggling with food issues most of my life, the longer I let them go....the less happier I am with the data my scale provides. Good luck with that!
 
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