How To Live Surrounded By Triggers?

[Tinyflame]

-Just had a "lightbulb go on" but don't know what to make of it or how to handle it:

-getting a little better at recognizing (acknowledging?) triggers, and have just realized I am "surrounded by them" due to factors I cannot control in my home environment and the people I live with. I realize that they have a right to live as they wish (and should), and it is MY problem if something they do/say/how they act triggers me, but any advice on how to manage this situation? -I feel like "Lucy" in that old episode from the "I Love Lucy Show" where she's bombarded by chocolates (-not necessarily a bad thing :smile: ) and doesn't know what to do with them already.

-Do I use it as a learning experience (getting lots of practice), - God knows I feel like "crap"(!) -I am, however, trying desperately to hang on to the concept that you have to feel bad first to feel better, but not sure if this is what they mean. I am hoping that feeling worse than ever is because I'm recognizing more, because this (current) situation has existed for more than 2 years but lately I'm just a mess. I don't know if I'm getting "worse at managing this" or better. And... I still have to deal with these triggers because I am too exhausted to stay out of the house and avoid them, not to mention I've shut down socially in the last 4+ months.

Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks.

(To be more honest I guess what I am saying too is, am I just not "recovering" from a melt-down - which way am I going, up or down? - It feels like the latter.)

 

[UmightKnowMe]

While I am not really qualified to give out advice or whatever cuz I am still pretty new to all this I can say what I THINK I understand about triggers and all this.

I think that in exposure therapy we are supposed to be working on going over and over whatever our trauma was so that we can get so we understand that it is just a bad memory and it can't hurt us anymore...(and other stuff too about figuring out what happened and what it means to us and how we relate to the world). Right now the things that trigger us zap us back into some part of the trauma memory...and we like to avoid that kind of uncomfortable feeling so we try real hard to avoid all these triggers. But in doing exposure therapy we start to learn that yeah it is not fun to be triggered...but what we are triggering is in the past and as we get farther along in our work the intensity of how we react to our triggers will become less. And I think I understand that part of exposure therapy is stopping this avoidance behaviour so we can stay with the uncomfortable feelings until they subside and that helps us learn that 'hey that really sucked (being triggered) but I am OK now...that triggered feeling didn't go on forever, it didn't hurt me, I didnt go insane, hmmm maybe being triggered isn't so scary after all".

I guess we have to become experts in caring for ourselves and knowing JUST how much we can handle. Maybe for a time it is OK to avoid some triggers to keep our anxiety to a level that we can deal with and not shut down into dissociation or fall apart or whatever. Then as we get better we can start to face more and more triggers? But we have to be brave and allow ourselves SOME anxiety...or we wont grow and progress.

 

[katapuss]

Hi there

I am starting to use the triggers to identify where in my past the emotion belongs. I say "where in my past did I feel like that when this happened" is this relevant now or does it belong in the past. I look for what's different from then to NOW. When triggers go off I have a tendency to misinterpret them through the filters of the past so I also look for other interpretations of what the trigger could mean. I also say to other people....when you did _______I interpreted that to mean ________I'm not sure if that is what you meant by doing that as I may be confusing it with my past...please could you tell me what you meant?
because I know I have a tendency to misinterpret!

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you so much - you are both so right.

UMightKnowMe:

..stopping this avoidance behaviour so we can stay with the uncomfortable feelings until they subside...helps us learn.. 'maybe being triggered isn't so scary after all'

,
and

..we have to become experts in caring for ourselves ..But we have to be brave and allow ourselves SOME anxiety...or we won't grow and progress.

And like you said, katapuss,

'where in the past did I feel like that when this happened'-is this relevant now or does it belong in the past. I look for what's different from then to NOW. When triggers go off I have a tendency to misinterpret them through the filters of the past..

This is so true for myself, but I have never been able to find the words to express it. I WOULD rather avoid (all) these triggers, but my CHOICE becomes avoidance or growth - worth a shot. Also - katapuss - thanks for words of wisdom to communicate to others:

I also say to other people...when you did ___ I interpreted that to mean____I'm not sure if that is what you meant by doing that..please could you tell me what you meant? because I know I have a tendency to misinterpret!

-ME TOO, big time!! -(I think that's part of "being human", really, too.)
Sounds like a terrific communication tool that could save me a lot of grief!
-I am going to try to use it, but I will have to be a little less shy - not used to expressing myself as far as own needs go.

Thanks!! :thumbs-up

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I also say to other people....when you did _______I interpreted that to mean ________I'm not sure if that is what you meant by doing that as I may be confusing it with my past...please could you tell me what you meant?
because I know I have a tendency to misinterpret!

This is an old post but I seen something in this that I thought might be of some value for others to hear.

I live amongst a few people who are very manipulative and clever. Always trying to get their way no matter what the cost, and will NEVER admit to any wrong doing. The blame never lies with them - EVER. Call them "spin doctors" if you like that word.

If I was to say to these people, "I have a tendency to misinterpret" They would love to quote me on that during a debate for clarification purposes.

For instance, while I was trying to clarify a situation, the spin doctor would say. "Well, Tammy, you did say you have a tendency to misinterpret things, so maybe that is what you're doing now".

Uh Um, What do I say to that? Well, it distracts me because the spin doctor changed the subject, and now I have to think back to when I said it, and that is a bit frustrating because I have to admit to it, which leaves me with little or no credibility. Now I will feel I have to defend my credibility and that will be the "new subject" so the spin doctor doesn't have to put themselves at risk of being wrong.

So I might as well give up on clarifying anything at that point, especially if the spin doctor knows I have PTSD, or any issues that pertains to my mentality.

Let me rephrase how I would say it after dealing with these manipulators: "Could you please rephrase what you are saying or meant about ______ because there are times that your perception and my perception of a situation will be different.

Perception is very important when clarifying, because my past experiences and your past experiences are not the same, but it doesn't mean that I have to say "MY past usually skews my thinking"

Please be very careful who you say these things too. If it is someone that is trustworthy than say whatever you want. But, watch out for the spin doctors when talking, debating or clarifying ANYTHING for your own safety.

 

[Tinyflame]

Seeking Nirvana,

I think you are very correct. When I see this old post it gives me some hope I have "progressed" a bit because I am in a similar situation as you. Quite frankly, it's not "all my fault" either, it is just my responsibilty on how I choose to react.

I am also entitled to say, "when you (said) or (did) that, I felt ('whatever')- not that that helps but it is still how I feel, which I am not used to acknowledging or expressing. I am in an environment wherein expressing sometimes just a "basic fact" is usually met with an angry response to quickly squash down anything I might say.
However, I am finding that much of how much it bothers me will ultimately depend on how much I let it bother me. It's harder to "concentrate on the positives" but infinitely less depressing/ enraging/ discouraging. I can only be responsible for my own behaviour and my own reactions, I cannot control or effect anything else anyone thinks or does. I think I am getting slightly more comfortable in my own skin, and slightly more self-esteem.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Junebug, you sound a lot better now than you did in your initial post. I'm glad to see that you are finding coping skills and noticing improvement.

I know there are times I wondered if the horrible feeling I was having was ever going to pay off. Finally, I did see light at the end of the tunnel and thought I was cured. But then I had a relapse and was a bit hard on myself. However, after the relapse I felt 10 times stronger than I did.

I believe healing goes in stages. We take 5 steps forward and four steps back. Then 10 steps forward and three steps back, then 20 steps forward and two steps back. No matter how many times we take steps back, it always seems we are getting ahead.

I felt I was a bit off topic, but wanted some people to know that the way we word things can be used against us, so choose our words wisely when dealing with certain people.

I think stating facts is the best route to go because using analogies can be interpreted a hundred different ways depending on the person and their life experiences.

Good luck and I hope your healing continues with minimal set backs
Tammy

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Tammy- you too, just keep going forward. Where we lack support or have our challenges in one place, we gain encoragement and understanding in other places, like here.

I am glad you are feeling stronger too.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[cragger65]

I know the take here is managing triggers, but I can't help but wonder how much harder it makes it when triggered *constantly*. Is there a way change the situation, or minimize those triggers? Just a thought.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dave, -I know you are right. Big changes have to happen- it's really more an issue of the timing.

Unti then though, it sounds ridiculous but when I am really tired or know it's going to take more energy than I would really want to "use up" on the trigger-management part -or I'm on the precipice of failing, I put on headphones, or do something I REALLY enjoy or want to do, or try to really think of something that makes me happy- concentrate on ways to feel better instead of how to put the triggers in perspective. Really "maximize the distraction", but something that is more likely to make me happy, too.

Usually it's just most challenging when tired or don't feel well.

 

[cragger65]

That doesn't sound ridiculous AT ALL, it sounds like good, sound management strategies. Distraction isn't a bad thing at all, as a matter of fact my therapist stressed distraction as a coping alternative many, many times. Why be overwhelmed? If this works for you, you've already found a good approach.

 

[fairandcold]

Reading all of your comments encourages me...seeing as how I just found out I have triggers/PTSD.

But I agree on the distraction thing...I also take a Vistoril (Spelling?) to help me calm down.

Hope this helps!