How to not dissociate and should this...be concerning?

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
For me it was never a main symptom except at the start of my PTSD. The last years it has been mainly when something triggering happens. The time I had an MRI for a first time. Getting yelled at for any reason. Something super specific reminding me of the trauma. Starting new relationship. Things of that sort.
But I'm under a lot of stress, and few of the last days I've found myself 'drifting'.

Like, I'd stop to take a break with the intention of doing something specific on the computer at home.
I would start, while the problem I'm having is still going on at the back of my mind in a loop because I still don't have solution.
I would look at the clock and it would be a certain time. I'd browse a bit, but not too long, and for a minute I'd forget about my issue.
I'd look at the clock and suddenly it's like 3h later, and I have not moved from that spot.

I know in 'normal' days you sometimes lose track of time. That feels like you are enjoying yourself and time stretches somehow. THIS is not it.
This feels like I start something which I intend to do for 15 min, and it feels like that, but I'd suddenly 'SNAP' back into reality and it would be just... later.
Like I know I haven't gone anywhere or done anything, I'm at the same spot with the same tabs open in front of me. I have not been napping or closing my eyes.
And time has somehow snapped from one time, to a completely different time that feels so different from how it felt, that it's shocking.
(Like browsing for 15min to solve my issue and snapping back 3h later)

Ughm... after so many years of PTSD I thought I know myself pretty well.
This is new.

Is this so weird as it feels?
How do I not do that???
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
however well i know myself, knowing what curve balls my ptsd is going to throw at me and how i will react to those curve balls is another thread, entirely. just when i think i have all the answers, the questions all change. sigh. . .

do you work at home? do you live alone? isolation causes me to dissociate more than any other circumstance i'm aware of. when i am isolated, i often don't even recognize when i have dissociated. just wondering. . .
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
however well i know myself, knowing what curve balls my ptsd is going to throw at me and how i will react to those curve balls is another thread, entirely. just when i think i have all the answers, the questions all change. sigh. . .

do you work at home? do you live alone? isolation causes me to dissociate more than any other circumstance i'm aware of. when i am isolated, i often don't even recognize when i have dissociated. just wondering. . .
Yup. Work at home alone.
The plan was to find in person job for next year. Meanwhile I had regular socializing and dance classes and was even planning to work in some of those coworking spaces.

Obviously current situation has made most of that not possible so it's easy to isolate.
Haven't seen anyone in person besides at the store for like 2 weeks, and that was not a good idea.
Made some walking/staying at home plans with friends for tomorrow and the weekend even though I just want to hide under the covers. Figure it will help a bit the isolation part.

I'm usually acutely aware of everything going on with me, except when I experienced the traumas or when I was first dealing with them.
So... honestly dissociation hits pretty scary for me.
Might also be because it's a new symptom in that form, as said, which also hasn't happened in a while.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
Haven't seen anyone in person besides at the store for like 2 weeks, and that was not a good idea.

i'm dissociating just thinking about it. when i have found myself with this much alone time on my hands, i make it a point to make at least one social spot a day. lunch in the park, churches and 12 step houses (alanon) are my personal faves.

dissociation is terrifying to me. i've dissociated to catatonia and, girl howdy, it was hard to come back from.
insert red hot chili peppers here. "i don't ever wanna feel like i did that day.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
i'm dissociating just thinking about it.
Hahah thank you, that made me laugh!
Well, I am sleeping at my best friend's place tonight as her husband's travelling so that should help. And I have some walks with friends scheduled in the weekend. I feel guilty not working and leaving that time to socialize... but honestly my health needs some socializing.
It doesn't help my work or anything else being at that state I was yesterday and at least a few other days in these 2 weeks.
So... need to take care of myself a bit, so maybe I can work more a bit.
And pray that I make changes in time (in both practical and mental health sense).
 
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