How Would You Describe Yourself Over the Past Year or Two? Who Do You Plan to Be in 2022?

HealingMama

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Thanks for sharing about your journey @TruthSeeker I am glad to hear that you made some lasting friendships from your class, and it's helpful to hear others struggle with this.

A few years ago I made some friends through a martial arts school. I actually can still call them up to hang out. I agree it works well bonding over a shared activity or interest. It worked much better for me that way.

I have to think about what sort of activity I can do where I'm likely to be accepted. There's a drum circle here that meets once a month at a facility that is clearly for women who feel wounded. I can try to get more involved there. I also hope to get involved in the UU church here once the pandemic has slowed down enough. At the drum circle the focus isn't on me and I don't have to talk much which makes it easier. At the church, I can discuss shared values and ethics and don't have to feel pressure to expose myself as an actual person.

The drum circle place is probably more feasible right now. UU attendance will probably call for activism and I don't have the bandwidth right now. The drum circle place a woman introduced herself saying she had PTSD and it was hard to go places and was received warmly. It appears they are intentional about creating safety. I think that could work.
 

Defaultxlove

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I would describe myself as eagerly improving. Hopeful with a lot of dark lows related to ptsd. Also a deep low for a long time in relation to my health. An overcoming story in the beginning. Now I need to continue all of this and it's hard but I'm focused for 2022 to continue eagerly improving. Heal/rest/work/rest/heal/work/rest/heal.
 

TruthSeeker

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Thanks for sharing about your journey @TruthSeeker I am glad to hear that you made some lasting friendships from your class, and it's helpful to hear others struggle with this.

A few years ago I made some friends through a martial arts school. I actually can still call them up to hang out. I agree it works well bonding over a shared activity or interest. It worked much better for me that way.

I have to think about what sort of activity I can do where I'm likely to be accepted. There's a drum circle here that meets once a month at a facility that is clearly for women who feel wounded. I can try to get more involved there. I also hope to get involved in the UU church here once the pandemic has slowed down enough. At the drum circle the focus isn't on me and I don't have to talk much which makes it easier. At the church, I can discuss shared values and ethics and don't have to feel pressure to expose myself as an actual person.

The drum circle place is probably more feasible right now. UU attendance will probably call for activism and I don't have the bandwidth right now. The drum circle place a woman introduced herself saying she had PTSD and it was hard to go places and was received warmly. It appears they are intentional about creating safety. I think that could work.
I get that "warm feeling" at my UU church. We have a Shamanic Journey group, which also seconds as a drumming group. We met on Zoom, which was a unique experience, but we made it work. It's usually a small group, which suits me fine.... We stopped in person meetings for this past month....but I think in February they will return to meeting. My UU church has been very conservative when it comes to people's health and Covid and attendance on Sunday. But the in person Shamanic Journey group has proven to be extremely healing....I can work with missing parts of my soul, in a save place.....and share with the group or not. Drumming is a great activity, but also consider a second activity where you will be doing absolutely nothing related to trauma-like your karate or some kind of exercise......something fun and maybe even new......just for the sake of having fun and learning a new skill. Fun activities change the chemistry in our brains.....

I play the alto recorder....if you are musically inclined.....you can learn an easy instrument like the recorder. I learned to read notes at about 45. Art and crafts work for a lot of folks as something fun and productive. Personally.....I probably said before....I love sculpting clay animals....I had a class I waited 6 months for and they cancelled this weekend because of snow....was totally bummed.....but it's rescheduled for a couple of weeks.....

So, one of my goals for the next 6 months is to "widen my social circle" and that's part of my action plan.....sculpting class. You sound like you have a variety of options for moving out and expanding your social network, and it's great that you've experienced making friends via a shared interest.....so doing it again won't be as stressful....eh?......because you've already experienced the payoff........friends. Take care...
 

TruthSeeker

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I would describe myself as eagerly improving. Hopeful with a lot of dark lows related to ptsd. Also a deep low for a long time in relation to my health. An overcoming story in the beginning. Now I need to continue all of this and it's hard but I'm focused for 2022 to continue eagerly improving. Heal/rest/work/rest/heal/work/rest/heal.
"Eagerly improving" feels like a really "upbeat" place to be in mid-winter! During this time of year, I struggle more with lows because of the lack of sunshine....so I try daily to fortify with increased indoor exercise (super helpful), increased vitamin D which helps mood, making a concerted effort to go out in the sunshine for 30 min a day(super helpful), and opening the windows so light comes in....helps some.
 

TruthSeeker

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I like this thread. It's helping me try and be positive.

2020/2021: Battling. There was a lot of death to deal with (both parents-in-law, brother in law's suicide all within 6 months of each other in 2020, and work friend's death in 2021).
Resurfacing memories. One after another. A lot of emotional pain.
So battling.
But also: lots of positives. New name in 2020- love it.
Started my healing journey in 2020, after decades of pretence.
Becoming a more rounded person.
Becoming me.

As I write this I am listening to "I am light" by India Arie. So for 2022:
I want to be light.

Oh, I really love the theme of the song....and the way she sings it. Gave me goose-bumps.....and it's a very, simple but powerful message. Thanks for posting it.
 

HealingMama

Sponsor
I get that "warm feeling" at my UU church. We have a Shamanic Journey group, which also seconds as a drumming group. We met on Zoom, which was a unique experience, but we made it work. It's usually a small group, which suits me fine.... We stopped in person meetings for this past month....but I think in February they will return to meeting. My UU church has been very conservative when it comes to people's health and Covid and attendance on Sunday. But the in person Shamanic Journey group has proven to be extremely healing....I can work with missing parts of my soul, in a save place.....and share with the group or not. Drumming is a great activity, but also consider a second activity where you will be doing absolutely nothing related to trauma-like your karate or some kind of exercise......something fun and maybe even new......just for the sake of having fun and learning a new skill. Fun activities change the chemistry in our brains.....

I play the alto recorder....if you are musically inclined.....you can learn an easy instrument like the recorder. I learned to read notes at about 45. Art and crafts work for a lot of folks as something fun and productive. Personally.....I probably said before....I love sculpting clay animals....I had a class I waited 6 months for and they cancelled this weekend because of snow....was totally bummed.....but it's rescheduled for a couple of weeks.....

So, one of my goals for the next 6 months is to "widen my social circle" and that's part of my action plan.....sculpting class. You sound like you have a variety of options for moving out and expanding your social network, and it's great that you've experienced making friends via a shared interest.....so doing it again won't be as stressful....eh?......because you've already experienced the payoff........friends. Take care...
That's a great way to frame things. Thanks! My last UU church had a drum circle that probably could have been used shamanically. I moved right before COVID so I am not sure what is offered at this one.

Learning new things has been a big negative trigger due to a lot of toxic shame issues but I am trying to work through it. Maybe an art class, or yoga group. Yoga group would be fun. I definitely agree some way of creating something would feed the soul in ways that I would really appreciate.
 

TruthSeeker

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Donations
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That's a great way to frame things. Thanks! My last UU church had a drum circle that probably could have been used shamanically. I moved right before COVID so I am not sure what is offered at this one.

Learning new things has been a big negative trigger due to a lot of toxic shame issues but I am trying to work through it. Maybe an art class, or yoga group. Yoga group would be fun. I definitely agree some way of creating something would feed the soul in ways that I would really appreciate.
I think my "issue about being in groups ....combined with learning a new skill" just screwed with that part of me that just had to be perfect when I was young...so fear of failure was huge........yeah, I get that, too. It took a couple of years, after just putting myself out there time and again, for me not to go into class "prepared to run and dissociate" Fear holds us captive....and keeps us in the past....with our protective behaviors, albeit they don't allow us to grow much, for sure. As fear faded and I started feeling more okay with getting a B in a class (lowering my expectations) where I was learning something new. When you think about this....going to learn something new and expecting to be perfect at it is super ironic! The concept of I'm learning something new and have to be the best one has been a lifelong theme until these more recent years. I can't say that the feel of being good at something doesn't make me feel good.......but the expectation of if I can't be at the top....I won't do it is also kinda dumb, I guess, too....

Looking like a failure/being a failure came from when I was a kid....and shit....the people I tried to please (parents) are dead now and they didn't care how hard I tried.....they couldn't say it to my face "I'm proud of you".....it has taken many years to turn down the dial on the "perfectionist" in me.

I have a strategy for this conversational Spanish class that starts Tuesday, where we read and discuss the article... that's on Zoom (it wasn't a Zoom class when I signed up) and not sure how it will go. If I have to write....I can make that happen in Spanish. But if they talk too fast on Zoom, I won't be able to understand them....and I'm hearing impaired......A long time friend is teaching the class, too.....expectations. Then, my sculpting class which just takes my anxiety and all negative feelings to zero... was cancelled for snow and that was disappointing. I've taken a number of sculpting classes and want to learn some new techniques.....and meeting up with other people who will make very different kinds of sculpted animals will be interesting.

I'm taking a break from writing......yeah, getting out is anxiety producing so if you're going to set yourself up for anxiety.....do something fun.....fun things are positively distracting! Take it easy................
 
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