How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

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I'm kinda ho hum. Hubs left for three weeks for job training and I'm missing him terribly. It snowed seven inches last night so the girls and I went out to make a snowman today. The snow wouldn't clump together so we ended up making a "baby" snowman...about a foot tall. It's quite cute, but the carrot nose is much too big!

When I was a kid, I used to play in the snow for hours. It seriously took me an hour to get the kids ready to go out only to have them out for fifteen minutes. Oh the whining..."I'm cold. I'm wet. My hood is itchy....blah, blah." Oh well.
Today was a good day! I put on my suit and tie and went to a job fair, talked to a lot of companies. The companies I was gunning for weren't all that interested in me, but other good companies that were. It felt so good to get back on track!
An update:
- became a 'seminar patient'
- have to go for a CAT scan
- the specialists cannot explain or fix the facial pain
- they came up with some possible solutions, each with their own big risks...
...which they will only talk to me in person about them
- a specialist plastic surgeon is taking me on as his patient
(as my plastic surgeon can't help)
- and to top it off a close family friend committed suicide last week
Earlier this week I watched my daughter deal with a nasty cold and be miserable. Then Thursday and Friday I watched the same bug hit my hubby. This morning I woke up with the same symptoms they both started with and as the day goes on I'm feeling more and more yuck!

I love it when my family shares with me. *rolling eyes* I've sat around in my PJs all day because I feel like crud. I'll be glad when this goes away.

One of my dogs died last Tuesday...
and it sounds like my other dog is soon to follow.
It is seriously starting to feel like there is someone 'up there'
going "hey, check this out... I keep tossing her things,
and she's still not completely broken... lets see what else we can toss at her"

I know I'll get through this...
but its just the damn timing of everything!
Today is much better than yesterday

Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. Gotta hope right ? I ran out of zoloft a couple of weeks ago and have to see the doctor this week, but in the meantime my anger has become almost unbearable. I start thinking I'm getting much better and maybe the ptsd will go away and then I will do something stupid like run out of my medication and boy, it is then that I realize that I am not better at all. It's very depressing. I really like this site, only other people with PTSD can understand how I feel. Thanks for being here. Chrissy

BEcause of me having panic attacks (at work and before) I now don't get put on the roster. Oh yay. Fun. Not.

THey didn't even let me explain WTF was going on. I had a bad fortnight last month where I missed most of my shifts because of the anxiety. However I made all bar 2 shifts this fortnight though (both missed because of a stomach bug I picked up at work).

Worst part of it is that we had yet another change in admin, so now I have explain the PTSD crap I go through again. I don't know if I can do it. The boss is a guy, and I have enough trouble talking to men at the best of times.
Dammit. I actually like my job, but I need the hours to be able to work.

*rants some more*
all in all, crappy day.

Although it has been almost an hour since I threw up.
Thought I was over the flu (after two weeks), but my stomach is now playing havoc-can't figure out what the heck to do!!! All I want to do is lay down and sleep.

Fighting terrible anxiety and panic attacks as I begin to do the year end tax preparation for the accountant. I can't find 3 forms I KNOW I put away. I just can't find them and it is driving me crazy! That is probably not helping my stomach problem much.

Trying not to completely withdraw, but am finding it much easier to do lately. Don't answer the phone, email, go out (unless to pick my son up from school or to the psychiatrist's office). I am in my pajamas before 5:00 every night.

How is my day? Sad. But, thanks for asking.....
I am very tired today. I am in tech week for the show I am assistant directing, and thus not getting into bed much before midnight. That means I have to take my Seroquel late, and that makes it very hard to get up in the morning. Hopefully when I can sleep normal hours, I will feel better. . .
I just had the best dentist visit ever! It was great. Sat there with my mouth open, tool after tool in place and while listening to some great convers. and topics discussed; There was no need for any needle/novacane; I had two cavities filled and thouroughly enjoyed the topics discussed though I couldn't get a word in edgewise then (lol). But, it felt like being in the company of peers in a university class or caf. or something.

Wow! It was fabulous conversation, felt awesome and was very much thought and interest provoking. So much so that when the appt. ended the 3 of us chatted on for sometime.

All I can say in relationship to my trauma is that when it is dealt with, and I'm not running, hiding, dodging, ducking and primarily missioned to escape my many fears, then they seem very small, practically as if lifted and taken away, and I can find so much joy in many experiences and facets of life.
Its official, anxiety is worse in the am. Woke up at 3am panicking bad. Was [sarcasm]fun[/sarcasm].

I'm waiting on one of the RN's from work to ring, she helps with staffing for rosters. I'm going to explain to her about the anxiety and other symptoms. I hope to be able to work maybe 4 shifts a fortnight for now, mainly so that I can relearn how to deal with my anxiety.

Hopefully this will work, otherwise I have no idea WTH to do.

(and have decided to post this as a subject by itself in the ptsd only)
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