katz
MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry if I say too much in this post, so please be patient with me. I've been looking for the best chat room to ask advice from, so I thought I would try here. My husband grew up in an alcoholic family, so he has quite a temper. When I married him we got along great. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago, before I married him. But my past was so bad that I had buried it--basicly forgotten it. So it did not come back to the surface till I had been married to him for a few years. Now, he is angry at me for "hiding it" from him. He also sees it as a problem that comes from my past and is not his to deal with. He won't understand that it was not my choice to not tell him. I had forgotten all of it. As I have grown up, the memories come and go. I tried to tell my family once and they all yelled and were so angry at me that I forgot it all again for over 10 years! Now the memories are here to stay, I'm old enough to handle them.
But he doesn't want to help me. He is just waiting for me to "heal". He is angry that I can't just leave it in the past. I have been in therapy off and on for my whole life. I was just starting to trust the one that I found then she retired. A few months later, I found another one, then a few months after that, I lost my insurance. I've been feeling very lost and alone. I thought that husbands were supposed to support their wifes. And now, I'm going to have to start all over again-again.
Then last weekend, he got scratched accidently by one of the kittens. He erupted. He was yelling and saying that he was going to throw the cat out the front door. He stormed into the kitchen and when he slammed the freezer door, I could hear all the jars in the door shaking. It scared me to death! I'm afraid to trust him. When I try to explain to him that loud noises frighten me, he just tells me that I shouldn't have gotten married--ever. He keeps telling me that "he has no control over his loudness. I should have realized this and not married him and that he will never change."
We went to therapy with one of the councilors together, but he thought it was a waste of time and money, and has never been back. I just don't know what to do. I can't reach to anyone in the family. They just all said that "you need a councilor" and never spoke about it again. Pets have always been a comfort for me. They love me for who I am, not what I "should be". I only have cats because of the quietness that I need. Our home, when I grew up was always loud. Add all this to my 5 "demons" that I'm dealing with--alone, and I make for "one messed up person". I know that I will never consider suicide--but I will admit that the end will be a relief for me, when it comes.
I'm sorry if I spoke too long.
But he doesn't want to help me. He is just waiting for me to "heal". He is angry that I can't just leave it in the past. I have been in therapy off and on for my whole life. I was just starting to trust the one that I found then she retired. A few months later, I found another one, then a few months after that, I lost my insurance. I've been feeling very lost and alone. I thought that husbands were supposed to support their wifes. And now, I'm going to have to start all over again-again.
Then last weekend, he got scratched accidently by one of the kittens. He erupted. He was yelling and saying that he was going to throw the cat out the front door. He stormed into the kitchen and when he slammed the freezer door, I could hear all the jars in the door shaking. It scared me to death! I'm afraid to trust him. When I try to explain to him that loud noises frighten me, he just tells me that I shouldn't have gotten married--ever. He keeps telling me that "he has no control over his loudness. I should have realized this and not married him and that he will never change."
We went to therapy with one of the councilors together, but he thought it was a waste of time and money, and has never been back. I just don't know what to do. I can't reach to anyone in the family. They just all said that "you need a councilor" and never spoke about it again. Pets have always been a comfort for me. They love me for who I am, not what I "should be". I only have cats because of the quietness that I need. Our home, when I grew up was always loud. Add all this to my 5 "demons" that I'm dealing with--alone, and I make for "one messed up person". I know that I will never consider suicide--but I will admit that the end will be a relief for me, when it comes.
I'm sorry if I spoke too long.
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