Relationship Husband is dealing with his PTSD by long motorbike rides and spending nights away at his mates house

Ladypadd

New Here
Hi, I’m new here…. Dealing with a husband who is dealing with his PTSD by long motorbike rides and spending nights away at his mates house. The “practical/logical” part of my brain understands it’s his coping mechanism and I’m doing all I can to support that and I’m so thankful that he’s able to communicate that he loves me and has guilt in his need to leave me……. My “emotional” side is not doing to well, I feel like my world is falling apart every bit as much as his, which just makes me feel selfish
 

Smile

MyPTSD Pro
Just want to reach out to say I’m so sorry for your current situation :(

I don’t have any personal experience in this area but there are multitudes of amazing, kind and insightful people on here and I’m sure there’ll be someone who will help.

You picked the best place (in my opinion) to find what you need.

Good luck!!
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello ladypadd. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

wandering has been a primary coping mechanism for my own ptsd. that ptsd was formed while being raised in a travelling freak show. theraputing "gypsy" trauma simply feels more effective when i am wandering. i feel massive guilt complexes over what this odd fact has done to my sons and husband of 42 years. why he is still married to me is one of the greater mysteries of my life. why my eldest son calls me, "toxic mom" is not so much of a mystery.

my wanderings were international and seldom a single night. i'm not quite sure how my hubby coped, but i sure am grateful he did. i hold him as one of the most potent healing agents in my broken life.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
My vet indulges in motorcycle therapy too. I used to worry about his safety with speed/risk taking, but he’s a competent rider and hasn’t had my issues. He’s gone for the day, but he feels better when he comes back. Whatever makes him feel better. It’s better than substances or fighting.

I get it though. It’s lonely, and it can feel like an excuse to avoid you. It’s probably nothing to do with you and everything to do with him needing to be alone and not having to “people.” Even dealing with loved ones is stress at times.

Does your husband do this often?
 

Larrikin

New Here
Hi, I’m new here…. Dealing with a husband who is dealing with his PTSD by long motorbike rides and spending nights away at his mates house. The “practical/logical” part of my brain understands it’s his coping mechanism and I’m doing all I can to support that and I’m so thankful that he’s able to communicate that he loves me and has guilt in his need to leave me……. My “emotional” side is not doing to well, I feel like my world is falling apart every bit as much as his, which just makes me feel selfish
Hi, I'm a 48yo male with ptsd and a major depressive disorder... I ride most days as it's a perfect activity for hypervigilance. Riding is certainly a bit of an escape from being still with trauma and it's effects... I did more of it years ago yet now just like to zip out for 30min to clear my head.

I did 7 years of therapy and medication and remain medicated and am now in a far better place. I understand that your partner may feel the need to escape yet it sounds like he may require additional help if he isn't engaged in a support service or taking meds.

May I ask if he has had much help/support during his time with ptsd?

Additionally, you are not responsible for his recovery and can only assist in making your home a comfortable and safe space for.him... This for me was to keep things relaxed while providing me with time to get outside and away from thoughts etc.

Nightmares were common for me and although is sounds weird, they tended to linger the next day... These flashbacks would set me up for a tough day and sometimes a ride would pull much of my focus away from the terrible thoughts.

I think it's important that you have your own boundaries around your partner and his behaviour... If he's angry, sad or depressed he needs to be actively dealing with these issues proactively - Too many men turn to a destructive lifestyle without reaching for help and that often results in death.
 
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