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Sexual Assault Husband laughed about my sexual abuse

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That wouldn’t be right. Just running.

We aren’t gonna run. We’re going to leave. But not run.

Take the important paperwork with you. Clothes, toiletries, meds. Go stay with someone else.

Not running from this arsehole. Leaving this arsehole. Because you’re worth it.

Keep it simple. Be gentle with yourself.

And yeah, don’t drink too much, because you’re more powerful than you think you are. And you can deal with this. You can leave. For you. Because you’re worth it.
This is an important point, maybe the only important point, and it's about boundaries!

The first time my wife backed me up and I didn't say no, was the last time.

In the schoolyard, you have to fight that first time and if you don't you'll never be able to fight enough or stop fighting. (How I wish I had)

So as many of you know because I always say this is, this is about dominance but boundaries means the same thing in this case.

You can never get back to where you should have said no because it established a pattern. This is what my whole life has been about and it's come to the forefront with a kind of stunning clarity just recently.

I'm sorry for the situation but grateful for the thread.
 
Sorry you're hurting @Done

Please don't use the fact that some people here got details about your relationship wrong as a distraction from the fact that your husband used your most sensitive pain against you.

You didn't make him do that. He chose to do that.

If he doesn't get significant consequences for his actions, then he will on some level think it's ok to do that to you again.

You don't necessarily need to leave for good if you don't want to, but some big action to get his attention would be good for you.

We teach people how to treat us by the way we respond to their behavior. I hope you'll find a way to teach him what he did is unacceptable. Hang in there.
 
I've calmed down(and the alcohol wore off).I was just overwhelmed by being so bombarded with all the replies telling me to get out,leave,etc. I was looking more for emotional support rather than being told what to do.

I'm taking my time with whatever decision I make. I made the mistake of leaving last year out of anger,lived away from him for months and took him back too soon I think(it was totally unrelated to what I posted here).I need professional help,I need to get back into therapy.

He has many health issues,some pretty serious,some affect his cognitive abilities and I think feeling obligation and pity play a huge role in what makes me stay.

I did get upset about the 2 replies that I had talked about him sexually abusing me before because it's simply not true.But I'm over it now and ready to focus on myself.

I do think it's best that I don't talk about it here anymore though.Like I said,I thought it would help but it didn't.
 
I did get upset about the 2 replies that I had talked about him sexually abusing me before because it's simply not true.But I'm over it now and ready to focus on mysel
I guess I didn't see 2 replies about him sexually abusing you. Maybe I didn't read through the entire thread.
 
I apologize if I offended you @Done. Truly! I think you should go back and read your earlier threads. Your husband hasn't been supportive since the day you were diagnosed. Stop making excuses for him it does neither one of you any good.

I'll leave this thread to more qualified people. Best of everything to you! ?
 
I apologize if I offended you @Done. Truly! I think you should go back and read your earlier threads. Your husband hasn't been supportive since the day you were diagnosed. Stop making excuses for him it does neither one of you any good.

I'll leave this thread to more qualified people. Best of everything to you! ?

Not being supportive is a far cry from you saying "There's so much gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse and total mind f#ckery going on".

I'm not making excuses for him.He has f*cking health issues too and as I just stated in my diary I hate not knowing what's his PTSD,what's his health issues or if he's just an asshole.

I also said in my diary that I know I need professional help.I feel like shit for talking about someone who has a f*cking brain tumor.Yet I am also really upset about what he said to me.I HAVE to get back into therapy,I need to be getting help from a therapist not posting anonymously on a PTSD forum.

I'm really done with this shit.I dont need this on top of everything else
 
@LuckiLee I just went back and read old threads like you suggested and there's many where he was very supportive and helped me with my PTSD.There"s many threads,I've been a member since like 2010.Things did change after he was diagnosed with PTSD and his health issues began.(Maybe those were the ones you read?)

Or Apparently you also have me confused with another member,just the same as the other poster in this thread.IDK but yes it does piss me off when people don't get facts straight or make them up.
 
Not being supportive is a far cry from you saying "There's so much gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse and total mind f#ckery going on".

I'm not making excuses for him.He has f*cking health issues too and as I just stated in my diary I hate not knowing what's his PTSD,what's his health issues or if he's just an asshole.

I also said in my diary that I know I need professional help.I feel like shit for talking about someone who has a f*cking brain tumor.Yet I am also really upset about what he said to me.I HAVE to get back into therapy,I need to be getting help from a therapist not posting anonymously on a PTSD forum.

I'm really done with this shit.I dont need this on top of everything else
What kind of answers were you looking for? What would you tell someone else in your situation?
 
What kind of answers were you looking for? What would you tell someone else in your situation?

I was so distraught when I started this thread and what I was mostly looking for was emotional support.I DO get all the leave him,get out,divorce him,etc replies,of course I do.Im sure I would say the same,I KNOW I would.

It pissed me off to be told to stop making excuses for him.Correcting the things that have been said about sexual abuse by him and other things is not making excuses.Saying I think feeling obligated and pity is what makes me stay is not making excuses..Saying he has health issues is not an excuse either
 
I was so distraught when I started this thread and what I was mostly looking for was emotional support.I DO get all the leave him,get out,divorce him,etc replies,of course I do.Im sure I would say the same,I KNOW I would.

It pissed me off to be told to stop making excuses for him.Correcting the things that have been said about sexual abuse by him and other things is not making excuses.Saying I think feeling obligated and pity is what makes me stay is not making excuses..Saying he has health issues is not an excuse either
You had every right to be distraught. It was a distressing thing to deal with.
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with. I hope you getting back into therapy will help you untangle all of your emotions and help you move forward however you do.
 
Youre gonna get mad at me now probably.

We are responsible for our actions even if there are mitigating circumstances. I've been verbally abusive to my husband and he always says he knows I don't mean it, it's ok. But it's not ok. He's being kind and understanding and if I didn't have every intention of changing my behavior, if I weren't proactively seeking treatment, he would be right to leave me.

In fact when it comes up in moments of clarity I tell him he should leave me and be with someone that can treat him better.

I'm not going to say you're making excuses but we are all responsible for our actions even if there are mitigating circumstances.

I totally get you defending him though. I go to forums and complain about exhausting scary choices my husband makes and people chime in what a jerk leave and I do the same thing. We love these people that also make scary choices. But the people doing scary things are still responsible for themselves.
 
I feel like shit for talking about someone who has a f*cking brain tumor.

Your husband having a brain tumor both explains WHY he threatened to lock you in a box and rape you AND why you’re so pissed off at everyone telling you to kick his ass to the curb and divorce his ass.

It’s pretty much TheDefinition of an extenuating circumstance. And, yes. It’s a complete game changer. Because people with brain tumors say and do impossibly evil shit that they reeeeeeeally don’t mean, is in no way representative of who they are, what they think, or feel; and the people who love them have to go to extraordinary lengths not to take what they say/do personally (because it’s really, really, not who they are... it’s the freaking tumor) AND to protect themselves. But that doesn’t mean that what they say and do doesn’t hurt, nor is in any way safe. The opposite. It can be a crushing thing to deal with, as well as a dangerous one. No matter what? It’s a complicated one.

It’s understandable why you didn’t mention the tumor in your OP, because you were triggered as f*ck. A person you love threatened to hurt you the same way that someone else you loved did hurt you. Again? Completely understandable.

As you weren’t able to mention this piece until the 4th page of this thread, you will undoubtedly continue to get answers based on your OP.

As people misunderstanding the scope of the problem you’re dealing with? Not simply an abusive spouse, but a loving spouse with a brain tumor triggering you past being able to deal with his condition; and needing to deal both with your condition, his, and attempting to sort out a life in the midst of all that pain? My suggestion is that you start a new thread that contains the full scope of what you’re struggling with. You’re under no obligation to, of course, although doing so may help you find the support you were looking for.

I’m going to lock this thread for the time being.

If you’d like to discuss reopening it? Please use Contact Us
 
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