astridluna28
New Here
Hello everyone!
I just wanted to say hello, and introduce myself. See if maybe I can connect with a few of you. I am writing this post instead of working, which I know is not a good sign. I needed to get some stuff off my chest before I can continue with my day. I am really glad to have find this online community, and hope it can help me in supporting my sufferer, and supporting myself.
My husband grew up in a household that was rocky, tumultuous, and with an enabler mom, and diabolical dad. He has been abused, physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually, and he has never really allowed anyone to help him with residual suffering and pain. He has seen many therapists over the years, but none "stuck " for him. I have encouraged, and probably pushed too hard for him to seek help. I feel awful because I am probably your typical supporter partner. i engage in the push-pull relationship with him. I try to hep - too much and to a fault- and he takes me up on the offer, and detaches and isolates himself. We have gotten into awful vicious fights in the past due to this dynamic. My biggest problem is that i have rejection issues, so every time he retreats into himself, I take it personally.
He spends so much time in his own head, isolating himself from the world that it literally has destroyed friendships, jobs, family relations, and parts of our marriage. I know, i am guilty of doing the dance too, but this form of complex-ptsd is super rough for me to deal with. I love him a lot, i think he is a tender hearted human. He is a very loving dad to our 15 month old son, and when he is present with me he is fun, and funny, affectionate, adventurous and kind.
I lose him frequently to the moods, and I think my rejection impulse kicks in and I freak out. We are in marriage counseling now, and I am learning to be more self-aware, and supportive. Instead of pushy and maybe overbearing for him. I like a clean house, and he just kinda manages to keep things "ok". I like dates, socializing, traveling, dinner parties, and nights out, and he is touch and go. Definitely, does not enjoy socializing, and could stay home every single night if I let him. But he does like to go out, and do things- as long as he has enough money.
Communication with him is tough. We have been together for 9 years now (married for 3), and it's always a work in progress. Sometimes, we are on point, and sometimes we are wayyyyyyy off kilter. He really hates communicating his needs to others, and this affects his career in a MAJOR way. He has been fired, or let go by almost every job, and if not let go, they employer did not have a good relationship with him. This totally freaks me out. Being a woman who is a hard worker, and I strive to meet my career goals, I just cant wrap my head around this. Reading about ppl with PTSD helps me empathize, and understand, and listening to him talk helps me too.... but it is SO hard to live through this. I m suffering from it. I am constantly anxious and freaked out about finances. We have a son who has his entire life ahead of him and I want nothing but the best.
Husband is my best friend, and I want our life together to be good, but it's so hard dealing with employment woes. I want to lease a car, and buy a house, and he is on the same page, but his work ethic dips SUPER low whenever he gets criticized. Thus, bringing on a bad attitude, and him thinking he will be fired. Which then causes him to think that everything he does is garbage, and the path to be fired has just begun so why not just throw in the towel and go on unemployment.
he DOES persevere, and does stay at these jobs for a few years, but the cycle with this is scary, maddening, and exhausting. I mean it is EXHAUSTING. Finances are never organized, and it is enough for me to want to throw in the towel and say I quit. My heart doesn't feel this way, and I see him trying in counseling, and in our marriage with other things. But this job thing is TOUGH. I don't know how long I can take this for.
Currently, I think he needs his own counselor in addition to our couples sessions. But he is so resistant. I have gotten in a lot of trouble in the past trying to convince him to see someone so i don't want to mention it now. i am really hoping our marriage counselor keeps mentioning it to him. She has asked him if he would be willing to see someone and he said yes, but once the session was over my husband was like "no im not going". i told him to tell our marriage counselor the truth. Ugh, i feel so stuck, and sad. Deflated, and without hope sometimes.
Thank you for letting me vent! Whew.....
I just wanted to say hello, and introduce myself. See if maybe I can connect with a few of you. I am writing this post instead of working, which I know is not a good sign. I needed to get some stuff off my chest before I can continue with my day. I am really glad to have find this online community, and hope it can help me in supporting my sufferer, and supporting myself.
My husband grew up in a household that was rocky, tumultuous, and with an enabler mom, and diabolical dad. He has been abused, physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually, and he has never really allowed anyone to help him with residual suffering and pain. He has seen many therapists over the years, but none "stuck " for him. I have encouraged, and probably pushed too hard for him to seek help. I feel awful because I am probably your typical supporter partner. i engage in the push-pull relationship with him. I try to hep - too much and to a fault- and he takes me up on the offer, and detaches and isolates himself. We have gotten into awful vicious fights in the past due to this dynamic. My biggest problem is that i have rejection issues, so every time he retreats into himself, I take it personally.
He spends so much time in his own head, isolating himself from the world that it literally has destroyed friendships, jobs, family relations, and parts of our marriage. I know, i am guilty of doing the dance too, but this form of complex-ptsd is super rough for me to deal with. I love him a lot, i think he is a tender hearted human. He is a very loving dad to our 15 month old son, and when he is present with me he is fun, and funny, affectionate, adventurous and kind.
I lose him frequently to the moods, and I think my rejection impulse kicks in and I freak out. We are in marriage counseling now, and I am learning to be more self-aware, and supportive. Instead of pushy and maybe overbearing for him. I like a clean house, and he just kinda manages to keep things "ok". I like dates, socializing, traveling, dinner parties, and nights out, and he is touch and go. Definitely, does not enjoy socializing, and could stay home every single night if I let him. But he does like to go out, and do things- as long as he has enough money.
Communication with him is tough. We have been together for 9 years now (married for 3), and it's always a work in progress. Sometimes, we are on point, and sometimes we are wayyyyyyy off kilter. He really hates communicating his needs to others, and this affects his career in a MAJOR way. He has been fired, or let go by almost every job, and if not let go, they employer did not have a good relationship with him. This totally freaks me out. Being a woman who is a hard worker, and I strive to meet my career goals, I just cant wrap my head around this. Reading about ppl with PTSD helps me empathize, and understand, and listening to him talk helps me too.... but it is SO hard to live through this. I m suffering from it. I am constantly anxious and freaked out about finances. We have a son who has his entire life ahead of him and I want nothing but the best.
Husband is my best friend, and I want our life together to be good, but it's so hard dealing with employment woes. I want to lease a car, and buy a house, and he is on the same page, but his work ethic dips SUPER low whenever he gets criticized. Thus, bringing on a bad attitude, and him thinking he will be fired. Which then causes him to think that everything he does is garbage, and the path to be fired has just begun so why not just throw in the towel and go on unemployment.
he DOES persevere, and does stay at these jobs for a few years, but the cycle with this is scary, maddening, and exhausting. I mean it is EXHAUSTING. Finances are never organized, and it is enough for me to want to throw in the towel and say I quit. My heart doesn't feel this way, and I see him trying in counseling, and in our marriage with other things. But this job thing is TOUGH. I don't know how long I can take this for.
Currently, I think he needs his own counselor in addition to our couples sessions. But he is so resistant. I have gotten in a lot of trouble in the past trying to convince him to see someone so i don't want to mention it now. i am really hoping our marriage counselor keeps mentioning it to him. She has asked him if he would be willing to see someone and he said yes, but once the session was over my husband was like "no im not going". i told him to tell our marriage counselor the truth. Ugh, i feel so stuck, and sad. Deflated, and without hope sometimes.
Thank you for letting me vent! Whew.....