Yeah that is fair, that is a double standard.Of everything I've read in this thread I found that the most telling and interesting.
You were upset that he broke an agreement yet from what I'm understanding you broke an agreement also and tried to contact him when it wasn't an emergency.
"Do as I say,not as I do" and double standards don't usually work well at all in relationships.
I just wanted to point that out,not to upset you but rather to maybe help you see things differently.
But I am glad it happened bc the alternative? Finding out during an actual emergency that he had turned off the settings? That might mean my child grows up without a mother or something.
Now I know that I can't trust him like that. He said he would agree to a lifeline but I do not trust it. He said no I cannot have a way to reach him in a moment of need. Ok so part of the reason why is bc I have not respected his boundaries. Fair. But part of it is also that he just does not want people to depend on him. That is why he handled his unemployment the way he did, why he is underemployed, why he distances not just me but everyone.
I believe that he and I both could do better about not having double standards. He gets livid if I interrupt him but sees no problem doing it to me. He acts rude and hurt when I show him how it feels for your partner to just leave the room when you're trying to make a point, but keeps doing it to me anyway. He tries to consult a resource to prove he is right like when a conversation happened, but does not want me to do that, and changes his mind as soon as he realizes he's probably not actually right.
Bear in mind in most of those situations I'm just trying to feel heard! I don't care about being right! I just want to be able to say ouch and get comfort instead of defensiveness, resistance, blame shifting, invalidation. He tries to prove my emotional needs are not valid with historical data, hence the example I just described.
Last night he blustered at me and said xyz is not a problem! I said you can believe this isn't a problem but it's a problem FOR ME and you cannot just erase that, you cannot say what is or isn't a problem FOR ME. And that difference right there, that is how all our arguments start.