Other Hydrosalpinx - Blocked Fallopian Tube

piratelady

MyPTSD Pro
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for quite a while now. I’m getting older so we got a fertility evaluation. There were some male factor issues that were discovered and easily rectified. Then I had an ultrasound this week.

I have quite a bit of fluid in one of my Fallopian tubes and it’s blocked - hydrosalpinx. We have to do IVF now and they’ll likely be removing that tube. I was bummed about this at first then I googled it...

So it is usually caused by an STD that goes untreated for quite a while. I haven’t had the STD’s that caused it as an adult and I know for a fact that I don’t have any STDs now. The thing is, around 5th-6th grade I remember my mom thinking I had a lot of UTI’s. I also remember about that time, going to the doctor and having to get a vaginal and rectal exam. I guess now I wonder if the CSA actually caused more damage than I realized before.

I know I’m just guessing and there’s no way to know. It is what it is and there’s no changing any of it now. I just... can’t help but wonder. I feel like no matter how old I get my past will always be there to haunt me.
 

piratelady

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve been looking up step-dad1 a lot today, I’m the internet. He’s remarried. I can’t imagine she has any small kids.

The thing is, even if the constant UTI’s weren’t an issue, when I was too old for him, he would let GI’s he worked with sleep with me. Like I have no idea who all of my sexual partners even are.

I don’t know how to be ok with this.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I understand.

I looked up one of my rapists online and it really wasn't healthy for me. My T and I practiced telling me "I don't need to do this" when I had the urge and it has helped.

You have been through so much @piratelady. He has caused you so much pain. Pain of what he did, what he made others do, and now how it has impacted your plans to be a parent. There is a lot of loss in all of this that you now grieve.
You are getting through it, by processing and reflecting and thinking and acknowledging.
It's another crappy process to go through and I'm sorry you have to deal with it all.

You are dealing with it and through this there will be a way of being ok with it (somehow, someway).
It's massive news that you have just received.
 
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