SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
Hi everyone!
I've been thankfully doing a lot better lately so I've fallen back on writing here a bit. But I am noticing there is still one thing that keeps happening, especially now when a part of me has been ready for more changes so I have been doing new things, or things I haven't done in years, often now.
The thing is, I guess, a part of me is ready, but a part of me is SOOO cautious. It's a learning experience which I of course appreciate. But it usually goes that few new things happen in one week, and inevitably even if all is going good, I get a bit anxious and hypervigilant. Like I'm good, I'm going with the flow, planning, doing, adapting to the changes and then I reach a point and I just feel myself retracting. Becoming super overwhelmed and super hyper aware of all sounds and noises and colors and surrounding and needing something familiar. There have been a LOT of change lately, some started by me, most of it good. But a lot of change still. I've been trying to come out of my shell more again.
But then my roommate (and it was my first roommate since PTSD, we lived together for a year) moved to another country. So my new roommate moved in, today. I had/have few concerns though overall- since I was cautious- I think it's actually going better than I thought. But I was preparing the apartment for her this morning, then spend some time showing her some things and hanging out this afternoon. And as I said- went good. So far. But then now that we finished and she went on to do her thing, and I went in my room I feel all... exhausted, overwhelmed, that suffocating oversensitive feeling to everything around me, and also to the fact that I'm living with someone new. And suddenly I get this feeling, like I'm done with the day and I just need to switch off or do something comfortable or anything where I don't have human contact with anyone for a while and I can relax. When I first started living with my old roommate my mental health took a huge dip for couple of months. Of course I was generally in a lot worse state to begin with. But I just want to be aware of this feeling and not let it get too bad, if that's possible.
Plus I've generally been sleeping bad since my sleep meds were discontinued and I am trying to find others that help me as much. And on one hand new person living in my space most definitely means I will have trouble sleeping tonight. On another, I feel cautious about taking sleeping pills when there is new unknown person in the apartment(which is paranoid, I know). I just... I know all this sound like it's just a bit of life anxiety/overwhelm. And it's not like I can't adapt to it. But my adaptation process seems to be long and it always throws off my schedule when I start feeling this way, I take often and more breaks and seek more comfort and I'm less productive as a whole. I'm just thrown off and anxious and unsure of what to do with myself. I have lots going on the rest of the week, but today... I feel blocked and too exhausted to keep being productive, whereas at the same time my usual comforts don't sound as comforting or relaxing when I'm all on edge like now. And I have no clue what to do with myself. It's not a logical feeling, it's just adaptation issue...
(and if you read all this- thank you. I know it's long.)
I've been thankfully doing a lot better lately so I've fallen back on writing here a bit. But I am noticing there is still one thing that keeps happening, especially now when a part of me has been ready for more changes so I have been doing new things, or things I haven't done in years, often now.
The thing is, I guess, a part of me is ready, but a part of me is SOOO cautious. It's a learning experience which I of course appreciate. But it usually goes that few new things happen in one week, and inevitably even if all is going good, I get a bit anxious and hypervigilant. Like I'm good, I'm going with the flow, planning, doing, adapting to the changes and then I reach a point and I just feel myself retracting. Becoming super overwhelmed and super hyper aware of all sounds and noises and colors and surrounding and needing something familiar. There have been a LOT of change lately, some started by me, most of it good. But a lot of change still. I've been trying to come out of my shell more again.
But then my roommate (and it was my first roommate since PTSD, we lived together for a year) moved to another country. So my new roommate moved in, today. I had/have few concerns though overall- since I was cautious- I think it's actually going better than I thought. But I was preparing the apartment for her this morning, then spend some time showing her some things and hanging out this afternoon. And as I said- went good. So far. But then now that we finished and she went on to do her thing, and I went in my room I feel all... exhausted, overwhelmed, that suffocating oversensitive feeling to everything around me, and also to the fact that I'm living with someone new. And suddenly I get this feeling, like I'm done with the day and I just need to switch off or do something comfortable or anything where I don't have human contact with anyone for a while and I can relax. When I first started living with my old roommate my mental health took a huge dip for couple of months. Of course I was generally in a lot worse state to begin with. But I just want to be aware of this feeling and not let it get too bad, if that's possible.
Plus I've generally been sleeping bad since my sleep meds were discontinued and I am trying to find others that help me as much. And on one hand new person living in my space most definitely means I will have trouble sleeping tonight. On another, I feel cautious about taking sleeping pills when there is new unknown person in the apartment(which is paranoid, I know). I just... I know all this sound like it's just a bit of life anxiety/overwhelm. And it's not like I can't adapt to it. But my adaptation process seems to be long and it always throws off my schedule when I start feeling this way, I take often and more breaks and seek more comfort and I'm less productive as a whole. I'm just thrown off and anxious and unsure of what to do with myself. I have lots going on the rest of the week, but today... I feel blocked and too exhausted to keep being productive, whereas at the same time my usual comforts don't sound as comforting or relaxing when I'm all on edge like now. And I have no clue what to do with myself. It's not a logical feeling, it's just adaptation issue...
(and if you read all this- thank you. I know it's long.)