Hypervigilance/paranoia?

J

jay30

For most of my life I've had a room to myself, and after my traumatic event (SA/abuse by family member) I continued to have a single room and unconsciously used it like it was a safe place for me. My family decided to move to a 2bd apartment, which meant I'd have to share a room with my younger brother. At first, it was difficult but not necessarily impossible. Then, I noticed my brother was starting to go through puberty and explore sexuality/his own body etc. One night, I swore on everything he was doing ~it~ in the top bunk while I was sleeping on the bottom bunk and I had a complete anxious breakdown that made me leave the room. Thankfully, I went to college soon after that and had a single room. That's where I really became introduced to the concept of a "safe space" and realized how badly I needed one to function well mentally. Upon coming back to college, I formed a sort of obsession with the idea of my younger brother engaging in that kind of behavior/action while I was in the same room and couldn't fall asleep due to the extreme anxiety it caused me. I was constantly fixating on every noise and motion throughout the night, to the point where I had to sleep in the living room from then on every time I was home. Now, I'm home for the summer and have developed a system where I'm either sleeping/going to bed before or after he gets into bed and is sleeping, meaning we're not lying awake there at the same time.

Realistically, he wouldn't hurt me (he's like 6 years younger than me) and probably has the awareness to not do that while I'm in the room, but I can't shake the idea. Even when he's sleeping, I'll hear noises and my heart rate gets super fast and I can barely calm it. I wonder if this is this some kind of paranoia thats irrational, or an obsession of some kind. I have no idea how to help it or these thoughts- they feel intrusive, almost.
 

juliana

Learning
For most of my life I've had a room to myself, and after my traumatic event (SA/abuse by family member) I continued to have a single room and unconsciously used it like it was a safe place for me. My family decided to move to a 2bd apartment, which meant I'd have to share a room with my younger brother. At first, it was difficult but not necessarily impossible. Then, I noticed my brother was starting to go through puberty and explore sexuality/his own body etc. One night, I swore on everything he was doing ~it~ in the top bunk while I was sleeping on the bottom bunk and I had a complete anxious breakdown that made me leave the room. Thankfully, I went to college soon after that and had a single room. That's where I really became introduced to the concept of a "safe space" and realized how badly I needed one to function well mentally. Upon coming back to college, I formed a sort of obsession with the idea of my younger brother engaging in that kind of behavior/action while I was in the same room and couldn't fall asleep due to the extreme anxiety it caused me. I was constantly fixating on every noise and motion throughout the night, to the point where I had to sleep in the living room from then on every time I was home. Now, I'm home for the summer and have developed a system where I'm either sleeping/going to bed before or after he gets into bed and is sleeping, meaning we're not lying awake there at the same time.

Realistically, he wouldn't hurt me (he's like 6 years younger than me) and probably has the awareness to not do that while I'm in the room, but I can't shake the idea. Even when he's sleeping, I'll hear noises and my heart rate gets super fast and I can barely calm it. I wonder if this is this some kind of paranoia thats irrational, or an obsession of some kind. I have no idea how to help it or these thoughts- they feel intrusive, almost.
Thanks for talking about this safe spaces are really important for survivors of sexual assult and other relational mistreatment. Feeling that one has safe paces to go in college is also so needed. I am not sure if am am feeling paranoia currently but I don't think that I am I am. My anxiety is just really high. I need to not lose the ability to go to safe places at school. Imagine that must be so difficult to have lost it where you live. Something that might make a bunk bed feel more private and safe would be personalizing your bunk to feel very safe. Hang up like not used bedsheets that cover your bed to kinda like make it more private. Or if you can separate the beds from the bunk move yours to the other side of the room and put a different type is furniture underneath your brother's top bunk and like use different sheets to kinda separate out your own area.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I wonder if this is this some kind of paranoia thats irrational, or an obsession of some kind.

in my own psychotherapy, the lines between paranoia, phobia, hypervigilance and obsession blur and fissure without mercy with several other psychoses(pl). which is which in which case, name or theory? which right is the rightest of the right? jigged if i know. i just want to restorative night's sleep, by whatever name.

just breathe. . .
 
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