J
jay30
For most of my life I've had a room to myself, and after my traumatic event (SA/abuse by family member) I continued to have a single room and unconsciously used it like it was a safe place for me. My family decided to move to a 2bd apartment, which meant I'd have to share a room with my younger brother. At first, it was difficult but not necessarily impossible. Then, I noticed my brother was starting to go through puberty and explore sexuality/his own body etc. One night, I swore on everything he was doing ~it~ in the top bunk while I was sleeping on the bottom bunk and I had a complete anxious breakdown that made me leave the room. Thankfully, I went to college soon after that and had a single room. That's where I really became introduced to the concept of a "safe space" and realized how badly I needed one to function well mentally. Upon coming back to college, I formed a sort of obsession with the idea of my younger brother engaging in that kind of behavior/action while I was in the same room and couldn't fall asleep due to the extreme anxiety it caused me. I was constantly fixating on every noise and motion throughout the night, to the point where I had to sleep in the living room from then on every time I was home. Now, I'm home for the summer and have developed a system where I'm either sleeping/going to bed before or after he gets into bed and is sleeping, meaning we're not lying awake there at the same time.
Realistically, he wouldn't hurt me (he's like 6 years younger than me) and probably has the awareness to not do that while I'm in the room, but I can't shake the idea. Even when he's sleeping, I'll hear noises and my heart rate gets super fast and I can barely calm it. I wonder if this is this some kind of paranoia thats irrational, or an obsession of some kind. I have no idea how to help it or these thoughts- they feel intrusive, almost.
Realistically, he wouldn't hurt me (he's like 6 years younger than me) and probably has the awareness to not do that while I'm in the room, but I can't shake the idea. Even when he's sleeping, I'll hear noises and my heart rate gets super fast and I can barely calm it. I wonder if this is this some kind of paranoia thats irrational, or an obsession of some kind. I have no idea how to help it or these thoughts- they feel intrusive, almost.