Hello, I’m new here.
I’ve been considering for a while changing my name. I turned 40 last September and thought about it then but put it off. It’s not that I don’t like my name Julie Elizabeth but for me it holds a lot of bad memories.
I came from a very abusive toxic family and after my brother assaulted me 8 years ago my mother and sisters cut me out as I refused to forgive him. It led to a breakdown, ptsd, anxiety and then health issues physically. 30+ years of trauma finally caught up with me. My mum refused to be there for me so 4 years ago I decided to stop chasing her and decided I didn’t want them in my life. I was honest for the first time and said I had to put myself first and recover fully. I had therapy and realised I’d had a lifetime of trauma at the hands of that family. I had to do what was right for me and to stop forgiving abuse after abuse.
I was also sexually assaulted 12 years ago by a pub landlord on a night out with friends. I was happily married, had never cheated on my husband. This man spiked my drinks with double vodkas I later found out and I somehow ended upstairs in his pub where he had sex with me, I have zero memory of it other than 1 flash back in his room. This also led to me suffering anxiety, my mother and sisters didn’t support me, they said I was drunk so asked for it and I was a cheat and a w***e. I had therapy and I was told I was raped which I still struggle to believe and still believe what my mum and sisters called me. My therapist was disgusted my family convinced me I was a cheat on my husband so I buried it, blamed myself and never reported it.
Anyway, I have a lot of bad memories and I’m now finally on a healing journey. I have CFS/ME and PTSD but I’m free of my ex family and their abuse. I’m now taking as long as I need to heal. It makes take years but I’m ok with that. I’ve a wonderful husband of 19 years and 3 beautiful teenage children. I’ve got everything I need, I’m so blessed. I’m safe and loved.
To start this journey I wanted to change my name, out of respect I’ll keep Julie Elizabeth as my middle names (respect for my parents) but I wanted to honour my grandmother. I lost her 3 months before my brother assaulted me and I’m still grieving her as she was my safe haven as a child when things at home were hard, my best friend and like a Mum to me. She’s everything I hope to be. She was called Lilian. Before she passed the nurse wrote Lily on a board above her bed and my Nan told me she loved being called Lily, and hadn’t been called if since she was a child. I love the moon and the name Luna just feels perfect for me, so I’m changing my name to Luna-Lily. I wasn’t sure what others would think and if it sounded stupid. I know it’s a mouthful with the Julie Elizabeth too but they won’t really be used as they’re middle names.
What do you think of my new name? Is Luna-Lily awful? I love it but yes I worry what others will think. I applied yesterday so I’m on waiting for the paperwork. I went double barrel because I didn’t want 3 middle names and Luna-Lily I think sounds pretty. It may be too young for a 40 year old woman but I’ve lost a decade of my life to trauma and I still feel so young inside.
I’ve been considering for a while changing my name. I turned 40 last September and thought about it then but put it off. It’s not that I don’t like my name Julie Elizabeth but for me it holds a lot of bad memories.
I came from a very abusive toxic family and after my brother assaulted me 8 years ago my mother and sisters cut me out as I refused to forgive him. It led to a breakdown, ptsd, anxiety and then health issues physically. 30+ years of trauma finally caught up with me. My mum refused to be there for me so 4 years ago I decided to stop chasing her and decided I didn’t want them in my life. I was honest for the first time and said I had to put myself first and recover fully. I had therapy and realised I’d had a lifetime of trauma at the hands of that family. I had to do what was right for me and to stop forgiving abuse after abuse.
I was also sexually assaulted 12 years ago by a pub landlord on a night out with friends. I was happily married, had never cheated on my husband. This man spiked my drinks with double vodkas I later found out and I somehow ended upstairs in his pub where he had sex with me, I have zero memory of it other than 1 flash back in his room. This also led to me suffering anxiety, my mother and sisters didn’t support me, they said I was drunk so asked for it and I was a cheat and a w***e. I had therapy and I was told I was raped which I still struggle to believe and still believe what my mum and sisters called me. My therapist was disgusted my family convinced me I was a cheat on my husband so I buried it, blamed myself and never reported it.
Anyway, I have a lot of bad memories and I’m now finally on a healing journey. I have CFS/ME and PTSD but I’m free of my ex family and their abuse. I’m now taking as long as I need to heal. It makes take years but I’m ok with that. I’ve a wonderful husband of 19 years and 3 beautiful teenage children. I’ve got everything I need, I’m so blessed. I’m safe and loved.
To start this journey I wanted to change my name, out of respect I’ll keep Julie Elizabeth as my middle names (respect for my parents) but I wanted to honour my grandmother. I lost her 3 months before my brother assaulted me and I’m still grieving her as she was my safe haven as a child when things at home were hard, my best friend and like a Mum to me. She’s everything I hope to be. She was called Lilian. Before she passed the nurse wrote Lily on a board above her bed and my Nan told me she loved being called Lily, and hadn’t been called if since she was a child. I love the moon and the name Luna just feels perfect for me, so I’m changing my name to Luna-Lily. I wasn’t sure what others would think and if it sounded stupid. I know it’s a mouthful with the Julie Elizabeth too but they won’t really be used as they’re middle names.
What do you think of my new name? Is Luna-Lily awful? I love it but yes I worry what others will think. I applied yesterday so I’m on waiting for the paperwork. I went double barrel because I didn’t want 3 middle names and Luna-Lily I think sounds pretty. It may be too young for a 40 year old woman but I’ve lost a decade of my life to trauma and I still feel so young inside.