I’m done

Issie

Learning
I’m really struggling. I have been for a while. I’ve watched my partner become more and more engrossed with LinkedIn while I struggle to sleep. He has become more distant while I struggle to support him and I’ve hit a family anniversary that’s painful and he chooses now to end the relationship. No warning just cold unemotional packed up and gone. I have no one. Totally alone. My counsellor wants me back on pills but why I couldn’t function on them and coming off all the problems are still there. He says having a relationship with someone who has ptsd isnt what he wants. His family have all distanced themselves from me since Christmas. What’s the point when you are
all alone?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
What’s the point when you are
all alone?
Do you mean, what's the point in living?

Try and remember, you're going through this right now:
I’ve hit a family anniversary that’s painful
Do you have other potential sources of support (therapist, psych) or access to forms of healthy distraction (preferably things you can do with others, maybe socially, maybe in a work setting)?
 

Issie

Learning
Do you mean, what's the point in living?

Try and remember, you're going through this right now:

Do you have other potential sources of support (therapist, psych) or access to forms of healthy distraction (preferably things you can do with others, maybe socially, maybe in a work setting)?
I mean what’s the point of living.

im alone.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I mean what’s the point of living.

im alone.
I wish I had an answer I could offer. This is something I frequently struggle with, and I know other members here do as well. Living with a chronic illness is hard. Living with a chronic illness that resulted from something bad happening to you can be even more difficult. It's not hard to see the trauma as having been horrible enough, without then carrying around with you in the form of this shitty disorder.

I'm sorry he left you like that.
My counsellor wants me back on pills but why I couldn’t function on them and coming off all the problems are still there.
It's true, the problems don't go away. But sometimes having help in the form of the right medication can give you the help you need to get through the toughest patches of the day-to-day, and they can help get you through trauma therapy.

It sounds like the meds you were on before were stopping you from functioning. Did your prescriber have any ideas for alternative meds? And can I ask, what country are you in?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
You have the anniversary.
And now the end of this relationship
All at once.
This is a tough tough tough time.
That is a huge amount of stress to be dealing with at once.

Leaving this here and hope that you can believe it and it helps:
The anniversary and stress of it will pass after the anniversary passes.
The immense pain of the relationship ending will lessen over time.
The intensity of these feelings will pass.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
What’s the point when you are
all alone?
I've asked myself that a lot. A ton. No family, no friends, no one. I've been single for like 20 yrs since my abusive ex. Why go on alone? Humans aren't meant to be alone. But I kept plugging along in therapy, taking my psych meds, plugging along alone, almost just existing but making progress a little at a time until, I wasn't alone anymore. Not romantically but more friendly type of relationships. And it just happened. Out of no where. Well, not out of no where. I reached out for help with the relgious crap my trauma left behind but I fully expected that if the person didn't leave like everyone else, it would never go past emails. But I NEVER expected to make friends out of it. Real true friends. Not just the person I reached out to but several others. Actual, real, true, friends. So unexpected. So, my advise is to not allow that "why exist if I'm just going to be alone forever" thought to take up much space. Or, give it space but challenge it. How do you know you will be alone forever? How do you know you won't come across an unexpected friendship or more at the least expected time when you need it the most? That's what my therapist kept telling me. That and that I won't meet people without trying to get out of my own isolation. And that's what I did, sort of. And it worked. I met someone who is introducing me to some other awesome someone's and two of which are wanting us 3 to get together for a girls day. Like, even 6 months ago I would of said that was impossible! And today? Well, still think I'm too chicken shit for that but, people actually want to hang with me. Like, that was what I was saying was impossible!

Hang in there and know that this feeling of being alone is valid and you should give that feeling space. But the thoughts that come with that (for me, I will always be alone and those self loathing thoughts) should be challenged. But, I totally get the feeling and can SOOOOOOOO relate! 🫂
 

Issie

Learning
Lostforgottensoul. Something that resonates since finding this site is just how many people are alone, lonely and have no one. I’m hoping that isnt due to CPTSD and that there really is a future. Seems my only future at the moment is one back on meds. I don’t want to be a zombie. Wish there was something I could buy to alleviate these symptoms.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Wish there was something I could buy to alleviate these symptoms
Oh man, don't we all! If there were even a magic prescription pill I could take to make all these PTSD symptoms go away, I'd be on that in a heart beat. But sadly it takes a lot of work to manage it. But we are all right there with you!
 

Issie

Learning
Well, lost forgotten soul, I’ve been awake since 2.15am and scoured the internet for something, anything that hasn’t been suggested or tried rather than go back on meds that knock me senseless. Problem is even if you say the side effects are horrendous you’re put on a list for the psych to call you and that so far has been over a year of waiting and my GP will only prescribe what I’ve been given. I feel cornered and my only control is to not take them at all. So……I’m going to give cbd a go. I’ve taken one dose already and the second is tonight. I’ll keep you posted. Not sure whether it’s a side effect of having some control back but I don’t feel as anxious at the moment.
 

Issie

Learning
quick report back to my insomniac pals.

after dose 1. I wasn’t sure if it was the relief of taking control and trying something new that gave me a sort of lift or whether it was this CBD stuff. I took it and some time later felt relieved but thats all. Then I notified that non stop internal quivering had stopped. I found myself looking at things for the home that I don’t need and finally listening to music with my eyes closed!!! I’m pretty sure I got close to normal relaxation. Geez it’s been so long I’m not even sure.

after dose 2. Think I still had the effects of dose 1 as by this time I was quietly singing along to the music. I cooked felt the same sense of relief and I couldn’t even tell you what time I fell asleep but it was early - maybe 10. I woke at 6.40 with full PTSD symptoms. I can’t remember the year I last slept so long.

I’ve just taken dose 3. I’m not saying it’s a miracle cure. I might if this happens again today tonight and tomorrow. I don’t think it’s a fix but it did elevate my mood and I did sleep. I don’t think it’s a placebo effect but if it is I‘ll take it. as far as I can tell I don’t have any side effects for the cbd. How wonderful it would be if taking this regularly dulled down PTSD’s sharp spikes and edges.

today I’m sensing a new feeling that I’m unaccustomed to…….hope.
 

Issie

Learning
Ok so I pushed my luck and got too near a trigger and full on PTSD panic. So it’s not the miracle cure we all crave. I’ll see what I sleep like tonight.
 
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